When Do You Think You Would Be Too Old To Be A Father

[Eddie1]

My situation is similar to Richieboy67, My Filipina partner is expecting soon (about the 8th February), I am 55 years young and I guess I will find out if I am too old, I never had kids before and this wasn't planned (well not by me anyway, Lol  :bash: )  but hey ho!... Who dares wins Rodders!!

 

All joking aside, don't see meself joining in on school sports day!! Lol. 

:cheersty:

[BrettGC]

Ok, my eldest daughter is 25, she's getting married on Saturday to a guy 12 years older than her that already has 2 kids that he has full-time  custody of.  Benny is a good man, despite my initial reservations based on the Western paradigm, we're actually pretty good mates now as far as that can go in that situation.  My daughter has no kids, he accepts that she will want children of her own, those kids are in their early teens, yes, like me, he started early.  I've seen them all as a family unit together and it works well, much love and happiness.

 

Benny's one stipulation is that any kids in the future need to be around before he is 40;  he doesn't want to be in his 60's with teenage kids. It's his call and I respect that.  

 

From a guy that age 46 is probably staring grandfatherhood in the face in the next 12 months I'm ok with it.  I've never been a kid person but it was different when I had my own and I've been told that being a grandfather is an entirely new level.  

 

Where's this all leading?  Ok, as most of you old-timers on these forums know, I've had a vasectomy, being a dad is different to being "Pop".  As far as I'm concerned that part of my life is over.  I fell in love with a filipina, I think there's actually photos of us together buried in the deep dark archives of this forum, but what broke us up is she wanted more kids.  She already had a 3yo boy when we were together, I loved him, and still do, like my own, and when I'm in Phils, I make a point of visiting them if I'm in Luzon.  We're still good friends, and she's with another guy, and they've since had a child.  

 

It's a very subjective issue; some are suited to fatherhood later in life, some aren't (me).  Just don't anyone put yourself in a situation where you'll resent your child or not be willing to accept all the responsibility that comes with it.  Even if the relationship doesn't work out, don't be a deadbeat dad, and I'm not talking financially here.  I was for a few years, and it took a long time to make that up to my kids, thankfully they understood the entire situation when they were older but that doesn't make up for the pain they suffered when they were too young to understand.  

 

Sorry for being so deep but it's something you need to think long and hard about with regards to the long term ramifications in making a decision such as this. 

 

I guess I'm saying it's not about age, it's about being a Father with a capital F.  

 

Just my 2c worth.  

Edited November 10, 2015 by BrettGC

[BrettGC]

And just so some of our more inexperienced members know, filipinas see having a child as validating a relationship.  This, despite the things they see around them every day there with regards to men, multiple gf's, etc.  

[Tukaram (Tim)]

And just so some of our more inexperienced members know, filipinas see having a child as validating a relationship.  This, despite the things they see around them every day there with regards to men, multiple gf's, etc.  

 

That seems to be true - but so many of the foreigners I know have had vasectomies I guess a lot of Filipinas will have to do without.  Most of them ask why we get it done, and just look confused.  Family planning is not a major concern for many here....  :tiphat:

[chris49]

A couple of questions that I have asked myself, BTW I am 65.

 

1.  Do you have the energy and patience to help take care of a little one?

2.  Will you still have the energy and patience 5, 10, 15 years from now?

3.  Are you willing to accept that your child may lose you as a parent at a young and vulnerable age?

4.  If you pass, are there sufficient financial and familial resources to raise the child through college?

5.  Is this something you BOTH really want?

 

If the answer to all those is "Yes", then go for it.  If the answer to any in "No", you may want to give it some very serious thought.

 

1.  Do you have the energy and patience to help take care of a little one?  Admittedly not always able to cope with a 1-2 yo crying, and mummy is busy at the moment. Never been that great with babies and it shows. She has help from other family members which saves me at times.

 

 

2.  Will you still have the energy and patience 5, 10, 15 years from now?  Yes, kids will be also teenagers, I would love that. There's the bit of extra notice they get and me too, being mixed and having a foreigner daddy. it should actually get easier.

 

3.  Are you willing to accept that your child may lose you as a parent at a young and vulnerable age? That would be hard if I went early. I would have to be here until age 84-85 to see them both through college. Yes that is a concern, but my incentive to live on is very high.

 

4.  If you pass, are there sufficient financial and familial resources to raise the child through college? Borderline call, yes, if we are careful. Family vacations other than local and new cars etc, out of the question. With proper planning yes. With US Gov't SS Survivor's benefits, payable to age 19, maybe yes.

 

5.  Is this something you BOTH really want?  Who would have thought......but I deeply love Gina and could never deny her anything she wants, and her personal needs are very small. So yes.

[Kuya John]

Good thread Sonjack

Each to their own we all have different options

Most filipinas dont practice birth control from what I have been lead to believe

However attitudes are changing these days.

A few of our filipino friends have not been able to conceive which has been so sad

Knowing how much they wanted children.

My own wife not having had children we tried for a baby.

Whether it was her age or mine we lost two unborn.

I know she would of loved children and she would been a great Mother.

Children are a blessing whatever your age provided you plan them.

[davewe]

This is an issue that brings up very strong and personal feelings for me (and a few stories) so here goes. Forgive me if I seem angry.

 

1. While arguably there is an age that is too young to have a child (not a legal adult for example) I see no such thing as too old an age. It's my decision (along with the wife) and no one else's. For some guys any age is too old, since some don't want kids; me - I love kids.

2. I had my 1st child at the already old age of 43. I got lots of comments even back then. "Do you realize how old you will be when he graduates high school?" I was asked often. "I'll be 60 - BTW despite my dotage my math skills are excellent," I'd reply. My son graduated a couple years ago and I was still hanging on.

3. At the time of his birth there was a convenience store around the corner. The first time I took my baby son with me, the Korean owner asked beaming, "Ah, your grandson?" "No he's not my grandson!" I yelled back :)

4. 4 years later at age 47 I had my daughter. As before I took the baby with me around the corner. "Ah, your granddaughter?" the owner asked happily. I yelled louder, "No she's not my granddaughter!"

5. My opinions were formed by the fact that my own mother had me at the young age of 21. For years everyone said I was so lucky to have young parents. She died at 40; I was 19. The experience taught me that there are no guarantees. Live life and raise kids as if this is the only time you have - because it might be. 

6. I am now 62. I could drop dead tomorrow; I could also live another 25+ years easily. No one knows - not even me. Whose to say. And how many lousy parents lived a long long time, including my own father, who at 86 speaks to none of his 3 children. What good did that do anyone? So if I have a child now I will love him/her as much as I can, impart whatever knowledge I have as fast as I can. I will hope to live till he/she is a young adult. But if I don't I will give as much as I can in the meantime.

7. Of course most of our Filipina wives would like to have children as do women all over the world. Mine certainly does. That being said I have many buddies who didn't or couldn't have kids with their Filipina wives and still have happy marriages.

8. This is also a very personal issue for me since my youngest child (now almost 16) is dead set against our having a child. She has been taught by her mother that we are immoral people for considering it. It's a sad situation since it has driven a wedge between us. I cannot seem to convince her that if I have another child it does not take away from my feelings for my existing children. It's particularly sad since after all we don't have a child yet and may never be blessed with one.

 

So please, everyone. We can all joke about those of us oldsters with young Filipina wives. But let's be careful how we limit ourselves or how we think others ought to limit themselves. Sorry if I sound judgmental, but I have good reasons.

Edited November 10, 2015 by davewe

[Jake]

Later my wife told me she doesn`t want a baby next as she wants to build the house first.I told her that next year is the last year I am prepared to have one as I want to be young enough to play and be active with my children and if I am too old maybe I cannot. So what age do you think is too old to become a father again?

Another great topic Kevin!  And I must say, all great responses too.  Forced me to dig deep down about responsibilities and priorities as a much older father.  All kinds of conflicting but valid issues arises: finance (house or baby), health, time and most of all patience.  I think in your situation, your wife made the final decision.  And I think your wife has a valid point.  Her immediate plan to improve quality of life for the immediate family (new home) is a noble plan.  Rather than be burdened of another 9 months pregnancy, plus baby care for the next few years.  

 

Let's look from a different perspective -- the child.  I understand by the time the child reaches the age of 4-6, the personality is already established for the rest of his/her life.  Moving forward, the first moment of defiance is a successful and forceful control of bowel movement (no more diapers). The key word is control and often times it gets out of control as a more defiant young teenager. From that point on, I feel as a father, fatherhood was becoming less and less fun.  

 

As a grandfather however, the fun gets better and better.  Respectfully -- Jake

[Thomas]

It depend of how old I expect I will be, and that I believe will depend much of if my injury will heal enough to manage to exersise to get back some good stamina.

I aim at the YOUNGEST will be at least 15, hopefully over 20 when I die.

 

2. Will you still have the energy and patience 5, 10, 15 years from now?

Yes, sure if the kids will be calm as I were as small child,

NOT even when I were 20 year old, if the kids will be wild as my younger sister   :mocking:

4. If you pass, are there sufficient financial and familial resources to raise the child through college?

Yes, if the house has no loan then. Not to college though, but I don't plan to spend any money at college for them anyway    :)    (except if any of them want very much to work with something which DEMAND license, which demand exam.)  Aiming at they will have KNOWLEDGE to be business leaders, or other work in the family business. 

5. Is this something you BOTH really want?

Yes. Perhaps we will need some negotiation concerning how many   :)   (Probably 2.)

[Methersgate]

I am 63, I have a 20 year old son to go to the pub with, a 13 year old son to help with homework and a seven year old stepson to play trains with.

And a 29 year old girl friend who very rightly says, "You don't need a daughter, mahal: you've got me!" [emoji6]

I think I have stopped!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited November 10, 2015 by Methersgate