When Do You Think You Would Be Too Old To Be A Father

[starlet]

Here are some thoughs  from me,

 

I'm 49 and my filipina wife is 32. We have been married for 3,5 years and have 2 children already. One boy who is almost two years and a 3 month old baby girl. In addition I have two teenagers from my previous marriage. Its a busy life, especially for my wife who has maternity leave right now, but soon will have to go back to her work.

 

My wife loves children, and often says to me she wants as many as possible, at least 5 or 6! She says it with a smile, in a humorous tone. But I know there is some truth in that. I love my wife very much, and seeing all the happiness they bring in our marriage, and how dedicated she is to them, is a blessing. Btw,, my mother on 75 does not smile of my wife's plans. She is horrified with it :-)

 

But I must admit I sometimes feel old and tired. I remember when our youngest was born, in the birth clinic, we talked to many of the other parents there, and I thought the other fathers looked so young compared to me.

 

When is to old for me to be a father? I really don't know. I guess I'll take one day at a time. What will the future bring? Nobody knows. As long my health is good, physically and mentally, I will live my limited time in this world to the fullest. And if that include more children, why not?

[OnMyWay]

A couple of questions that I have asked myself, BTW I am 65.

 

1.  Do you have the energy and patience to help take care of a little one?

2.  Will you still have the energy and patience 5, 10, 15 years from now?

3.  Are you willing to accept that your child may lose you as a parent at a young and vulnerable age?

4.  If you pass, are there sufficient financial and familial resources to raise the child through college?

5.  Is this something you BOTH really want?

 

If the answer to all those is "Yes", then go for it.  If the answer to any in "No", you may want to give it some very serious thought.

 

Great questions!

 

I guess now would be a good time to announce that at age 59, we are expecting our second child.  This is in addition to Abby's 11 year old daughter by her first marriage.

 

Our first, Katy, was born when I was 57.  I was not trying to have a baby at the time but I also was not trying not to.  I knew Abby wanted to have another.  This new little bugger was a bit of a surprise as we were taking precautions.  We still don't know how but we are fine with it now, and I just pray that the baby will be healthy.

 

When I moved here at age 56 I thought I was too old to have kids and didn't plan on having any.  I thought the then 7 year old daughter of Abby would be enough.  When I told my family back in the U.S. about the first (I have not announced the second yet) they were "surprised", given my age.

 

I think one of the big factors I see with you guys is if you already had kids in your "previous life".  I can understand how if that is the case, you would not want to start it all over.  However, many do, and love it, like Chris.

 

I never had kids and now I love it.  Little Katy is the joy of my life and does keep me very busy.  Honestly, life would have been a bit boring here if she had not come along.  Although the next one will make our lives even crazier, I'm looking forward to it.  

 

One very positive thing for the kids of someone who is retired is that they get to be with you all day.  No day care, etc.  In the U.S., almost all kids have both parents working and I think that is detrimental to the kids.  You can see it in our society and the way kids behave.

 

Back to Mike's questions, the one that concerns me is #3, my health and longevity.   I need to work harder to stay healthy for my kids.  My dad live to 87 and my mom to 92, so I have some good genes.

 

Financially, as Chris said, when I turn 62 both kids will get a nice monthly check from Social Security.  By Philippine standards, it is a lot of money, so this should see them through til they are 18-19, if needed.

 

Most of you know that I will use any excuse to post a picture of Katy.  I bought a new camera in Singapore, a Nikon AW120.  It has slo mo functions and I took this little video last night.  Too dark but the slo mo should be fun with the kids!

 

https://goo.gl/photos/qnhC1mAryN2284H87

[Larry45]

Yeah, this is a sensitive topic and we all have different opinions about it.  I was 42 when my first (and probably last) child was born.  There's a whole lot of motivation for us to have more kids, but I think I'm just too old for that at 46.  The point that a lot of people miss, is that it's really not about you and how you can handle it.....it's about the kid, or at least it should be.  If you've ever been close to someone that lost a parent in their childhood or teen years, you know it can take a terrible toll on them.  It's a life-changing loss.  Why create a scenario where that's a strong possibility?   It just seems a bit selfish to me. 

[Dave Hounddriver]

If you've ever been close to someone that lost a parent in their childhood or teen years, you know it can take a terrible toll on them.  It's a life-changing loss.  Why create a scenario where that's a strong possibility?

 

To present the other side, I would say it is a terrible loss to lose a parent at any age, but it is something we all deal with.  I would point out that , (going by my own experiences), we all know someone who has had the younger parent die first and that is always a shocker.  At least when the child is raised to understand that Dad is already old then the child can be taught that everyone dies and Dad is first in line.

 

When asking "why create a scenario" where this is a strong possibility I see that as a defeatist attitude.  I mean, I plan to live to 80, doesn't everyone?  Why would I plan my life around the possibility that I may die younger and leave a child without a father?

 

In addition, your post leaves out the calculation of how many younger fathers end up in a divorce situation where the kids don't see him anyway (vs old-timers who are there until the end). Your post also skips over the fact that younger fathers are working so much (in the navy perhaps?), so the kids don't see them hardly at all where as the old-timer is retired and there every day.

 

These are just some thoughts to present both sides.  They are not meant to sway anyone to be an 'old-timer' father, but are meant to illustrate there are two sides to consider.

 

From my personal archive of experiences  :hystery:  I became a 'father' at age 57 with my ex filipina c/l spouse.  I realized I could not support a wife and baby for the next 20 years on my income so I made plans for the three of us to go back to Canada and my c/l and I would have to get jobs.  When the word 'work' was mentioned, my c/l was quick to point out that she had been having an affair and the kid was not mine.  Problem solved. I'm still in Philippines but with a different lady. Next time around, if my partner wants a kid, it needs to be clear that the child will not get a first world upbringing on my budget, but the decision takes two people so if I am 50/50 on the idea and she is 100% for it then we may try to conceive one day.  Point is:  Raising kids to have all the things we want them to have is expensive.

Edited November 11, 2015 by Dave Hounddriver

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I would not use the chance of death as an excuse - I simply don't want anymore kids. I know guys that are 60 and just had  a kid.  They are happy about it... I would consider suicide ha ha

 

I was 16 when my mom died, she was in her early 40's.  I don't think she planned on that. My dad died 30 years later. It was not really any easier.   Any one of us could drop dead at any moment.  Life has no guarantees. Enjoy what you got, while you got it  :tiphat:

[chris49]

I guess now would be a good time to announce that at age 59, we are expecting our second child. This is in addition to Abby's 11 year old daughter by her first marriage.

 

 

Absolutely amazing news Don. I know you guys do everything together as a family and this will add to it. Very happy to hear it.

 

SS splits the money, so each will have his/her own.

[Kuya John]

Absolutely amazing news Don. I know you guys do everything together as a family and this will add to it.

 

Yes Happy Fathers Day....to all you Dads out there, whatever age you are :dance:

Having sufficient funds to provide is important, but above all else love and care

will make the family stronger......roll on Christmas :tiphat:

[BrettGC]

I guess in summary, it's all about personal perspective but the great thing about this thread is it's given everyone food for thought and the different views as to where any given individual is at with regards to this. We're all different, there's no right or wrong, at the end of the day it is up to you.  

[sonjack2847]

In your case Sonjack, she has told you building the house is more important

The thing is the house will be built wether she has a baby or not so for me that is not an issue.

[earthdome]

I guess now would be a good time to announce that at age 59, we are expecting our second child.  This is in addition to Abby's 11 year old daughter by her first marriage.

 

Congrats!