Finding The Right Filipina Part 2

[Julia]

Get Ready, Get Set -- Plan!

Face it: most of us (including me) found love the old-fashioned way -- it just happened. For me, it turned out to be a painful, costly mistake. Fortunately, I survived. At the time, there was no Instruction Manual on finding, getting, and keeping a good woman in your life.

What I want to propose to you, the Reader, is a system you can test, in real life, for getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want. I'm not proposing the Ultimate Answer to the question. These will be a good set of working rules that have been field tested, tweaked, and give reliable results.

Who Are You?

Begin at the foundation. Who, exactly, are you? Typecast yourself. Write out a list of traits that sum you up. This can be difficult, painful, and incomplete. Tough. Do it. Unless and until you have a clear picture in your mind of who YOU are, you won't be able to make an informed choice of a fitting partner for life. If you have the nerve to do so, ask people you know casually to describe you. They can get to the main points easily, rather than someone who knows you well. Expect a few eye-openers if you do this.

What Do You Want?

This is different for every person. Make another list of traits, behaviors, attitudes, abilities, etc., that you want in a mate. Make a separate list of deal-killers: stuff you absolutely want to avoid in your Lady Love. Get this clear in your mind. As for her appearance, you might find that first impressions don't always have a lasting value. Most importantly, realize that you will be revising these lists as you start to do field work.

What's In It For Her?

This is where you become more than just a hunter of prey. Think carefully about what you bring to the table in a Long Term Relationship. Yes, money matters, but that can't be the foundation of lasting satisfaction. How much and how often are you willing to give your attention, care, respect, and intelligence to supporting her?

Why Bother With All This?

Because the Philippines is a different culture, with different rules and expectations. You will need to develop some street-smarts before you dive into marriage there. Keep in mind, if you marry in the Philippines, there's no divorce and a hefty prison sentence for infidelity. Therefore, 'winging it' has risks you can avoid with some sensible planning and learning.

Learn To Say 'No'

Along the way, you will find women who are worth a date, but not a wedding. Perhaps you have trouble saying 'No'. Tough! Do it! "I'm sorry, but I'm not the right man for you. I want you to be free to find that man. Goodbye." Once you are done with a particular prospect, you MUST cut her off completely. None of this, "Maybe, in the future, if things change" garbage! Say goodbye and mean it. NEVER give a woman false hope, to spare her feelings. You're not sparing her feelings -- you're salving your own feelings.

No Cyber

Yeah, some of you think cyber dating is like training wheels for dating in the Philippines. No, it isn't. Despite the success stories you read (and hear) about pen-pals and dating website romances, save it. You need situational awareness, based on actual experience on the ground. Internet dating is a specific skill set, which requires specific knowledge, and is too tedious for me to 'train' newbies. Some of you will disagree. That's fine. I'm right and you're wrong, but that's fine. :36_6_3[1]:

Let the comments commence.

 

 

:th_thbestpost:

[Medic Mike]

 

Get Ready, Get Set -- Plan!

Face it: most of us (including me) found love the old-fashioned way -- it just happened. For me, it turned out to be a painful, costly mistake. Fortunately, I survived. At the time, there was no Instruction Manual on finding, getting, and keeping a good woman in your life.

What I want to propose to you, the Reader, is a system you can test, in real life, for getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want. I'm not proposing the Ultimate Answer to the question. These will be a good set of working rules that have been field tested, tweaked, and give reliable results.

Who Are You?

Begin at the foundation. Who, exactly, are you? Typecast yourself. Write out a list of traits that sum you up. This can be difficult, painful, and incomplete. Tough. Do it. Unless and until you have a clear picture in your mind of who YOU are, you won't be able to make an informed choice of a fitting partner for life. If you have the nerve to do so, ask people you know casually to describe you. They can get to the main points easily, rather than someone who knows you well. Expect a few eye-openers if you do this.

What Do You Want?

This is different for every person. Make another list of traits, behaviors, attitudes, abilities, etc., that you want in a mate. Make a separate list of deal-killers: stuff you absolutely want to avoid in your Lady Love. Get this clear in your mind. As for her appearance, you might find that first impressions don't always have a lasting value. Most importantly, realize that you will be revising these lists as you start to do field work.

What's In It For Her?

This is where you become more than just a hunter of prey. Think carefully about what you bring to the table in a Long Term Relationship. Yes, money matters, but that can't be the foundation of lasting satisfaction. How much and how often are you willing to give your attention, care, respect, and intelligence to supporting her?

Why Bother With All This?

Because the Philippines is a different culture, with different rules and expectations. You will need to develop some street-smarts before you dive into marriage there. Keep in mind, if you marry in the Philippines, there's no divorce and a hefty prison sentence for infidelity. Therefore, 'winging it' has risks you can avoid with some sensible planning and learning.

Learn To Say 'No'

Along the way, you will find women who are worth a date, but not a wedding. Perhaps you have trouble saying 'No'. Tough! Do it! "I'm sorry, but I'm not the right man for you. I want you to be free to find that man. Goodbye." Once you are done with a particular prospect, you MUST cut her off completely. None of this, "Maybe, in the future, if things change" garbage! Say goodbye and mean it. NEVER give a woman false hope, to spare her feelings. You're not sparing her feelings -- you're salving your own feelings.

No Cyber

Yeah, some of you think cyber dating is like training wheels for dating in the Philippines. No, it isn't. Despite the success stories you read (and hear) about pen-pals and dating website romances, save it. You need situational awareness, based on actual experience on the ground. Internet dating is a specific skill set, which requires specific knowledge, and is too tedious for me to 'train' newbies. Some of you will disagree. That's fine. I'm right and you're wrong, but that's fine. :36_6_3[1]:

Let the comments commence.

 

 

:th_thbestpost:

 

Triple Like :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Jollygoodfellow]

Guys when attaching images attach them properly. If the words "Attached thumbnail " appear in your post then it's not done correctly and will probably be lost at the next software update. 

 

[Vince Runza]

Guys when attaching images attach them properly. If the words "Attached thumbnail " appear in your post then it's not done correctly and will probably be lost at the next software update.

:thumbsup:

[Vince Runza]

Last night, our GSat did not load so we had an unusual Family Evening sat just talking. We were discussing this Topic and TM ( Daughter 16 but Streetwise) had the Laptop open on the Topic. Suddenly she said DAD! All through this, it goes one about you Foreigners testing the water with lots of Women to get the right one. Isn't that like "The Pot calling the Kettle Black" You are all doing the same things you accuse the Filipino Ladies of Doing by having so many Chat Mates. Maybe they are doing the same thing Testing the water for the best one. Seems a fair comment to me Guys and Gals.

I agree. However, you must look at the motive of the searcher. Being a Social Butterfly is one thing. Hunting for prey -- not cool, no matter which side of the equation one is on!

[Medic Mike]

 

 

Get Ready, Get Set -- Plan!

Face it: most of us (including me) found love the old-fashioned way -- it just happened. For me, it turned out to be a painful, costly mistake. Fortunately, I survived. At the time, there was no Instruction Manual on finding, getting, and keeping a good woman in your life.

What I want to propose to you, the Reader, is a system you can test, in real life, for getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want. I'm not proposing the Ultimate Answer to the question. These will be a good set of working rules that have been field tested, tweaked, and give reliable results.

Who Are You?

Begin at the foundation. Who, exactly, are you? Typecast yourself. Write out a list of traits that sum you up. This can be difficult, painful, and incomplete. Tough. Do it. Unless and until you have a clear picture in your mind of who YOU are, you won't be able to make an informed choice of a fitting partner for life. If you have the nerve to do so, ask people you know casually to describe you. They can get to the main points easily, rather than someone who knows you well. Expect a few eye-openers if you do this.

What Do You Want?

This is different for every person. Make another list of traits, behaviors, attitudes, abilities, etc., that you want in a mate. Make a separate list of deal-killers: stuff you absolutely want to avoid in your Lady Love. Get this clear in your mind. As for her appearance, you might find that first impressions don't always have a lasting value. Most importantly, realize that you will be revising these lists as you start to do field work.

What's In It For Her?

This is where you become more than just a hunter of prey. Think carefully about what you bring to the table in a Long Term Relationship. Yes, money matters, but that can't be the foundation of lasting satisfaction. How much and how often are you willing to give your attention, care, respect, and intelligence to supporting her?

Why Bother With All This?

Because the Philippines is a different culture, with different rules and expectations. You will need to develop some street-smarts before you dive into marriage there. Keep in mind, if you marry in the Philippines, there's no divorce and a hefty prison sentence for infidelity. Therefore, 'winging it' has risks you can avoid with some sensible planning and learning.

Learn To Say 'No'

Along the way, you will find women who are worth a date, but not a wedding. Perhaps you have trouble saying 'No'. Tough! Do it! "I'm sorry, but I'm not the right man for you. I want you to be free to find that man. Goodbye." Once you are done with a particular prospect, you MUST cut her off completely. None of this, "Maybe, in the future, if things change" garbage! Say goodbye and mean it. NEVER give a woman false hope, to spare her feelings. You're not sparing her feelings -- you're salving your own feelings.

No Cyber

Yeah, some of you think cyber dating is like training wheels for dating in the Philippines. No, it isn't. Despite the success stories you read (and hear) about pen-pals and dating website romances, save it. You need situational awareness, based on actual experience on the ground. Internet dating is a specific skill set, which requires specific knowledge, and is too tedious for me to 'train' newbies. Some of you will disagree. That's fine. I'm right and you're wrong, but that's fine. :36_6_3[1]:

Let the comments commence.

 

 

:th_thbestpost:

 

Triple Like :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

I have a lot of pinay friends, and to tell you the truth, a lot of points in that post would be good things for them to take to heart. For instance I have a teacher friend, she would love to marry a foreign guy from USA or Australia, settle down, get married, and have kids. She is now 29 now, I think she thinks her shelf life is up, so just to have a BF, she is currently dating an American man, who does not want any of those things that are important to her. Now she finds herself in a relationship that is going no where.

[Methersgate]

I have a lot of pinay friends, and to tell you the truth, a lot of points in that post would be good things for them to take to heart. For instance I have a teacher friend, she would love to marry a foreign guy from USA or Australia, settle down, get married, and have kids. She is now 29 now, I think she thinks her shelf life is up, so just to have a BF, she is currently dating an American man, who does not want any of those things that are important to her. Now she finds herself in a relationship that is going no where.

 

The same goes for me. It is perhaps a comment on the excess of supply of ladies over demand. K has repeatedly explained to her family and friends that foreigners are not all the same; for example, educational attainments may differ a lot. The message does not seem to get through. 

[Vince Runza]

I have a lot of pinay friends, and to tell you the truth, a lot of points in that post would be good things for them to take to heart. For instance I have a teacher friend, she would love to marry a foreign guy from USA or Australia, settle down, get married, and have kids. She is now 29 now, I think she thinks her shelf life is up, so just to have a BF, she is currently dating an American man, who does not want any of those things that are important to her. Now she finds herself in a relationship that is going no where.

I heartily encourage the same kind of approach for Filipinas. You know you've found a winner when you find out that person:

1. Has a plan
2. Has common sense (relatively speaking)
3. Wants to touch your butt heart

[Vince Runza]

The same goes for me. It is perhaps a comment on the excess of supply of ladies over demand. K has repeatedly explained to her family and friends that foreigners are not all the same; for example, educational attainments may differ a lot. The message does not seem to get through.

Medic Mike's observation about 'shelf life' perception can drive women to act out of need. "I need this, he seems close enough, go for it!" Then, the poor dear can repent at leisure. That's why I strongly encourage guys to question, test, probe, and move on if she's really not a good fit. Best for both of you.

[Jack Peterson]

 

Last night, our GSat did not load so we had an unusual Family Evening sat just talking. We were discussing this Topic and TM ( Daughter 16 but Streetwise) had the Laptop open on the Topic. Suddenly she said DAD! All through this, it goes one about you Foreigners testing the water with lots of Women to get the right one. Isn't that like "The Pot calling the Kettle Black" You are all doing the same things you accuse the Filipino Ladies of Doing by having so many Chat Mates. Maybe they are doing the same thing Testing the water for the best one. Seems a fair comment to me Guys and Gals.

I agree. However, you must look at the motive of the searcher. Being a Social Butterfly is one thing. Hunting for prey -- not cool, no matter which side of the equation one is on!

calcunow.jpeg

 

Well of course, this was spoken by a Filipina who reads things about the Foreigner and has a Dad as one. The way things read to them of late is we are all Predators,

She of course is NOT looking for her Soul mate yet but given all the bad press and reported Scams on both sides of the coin, it will not I think. be a foreigner, she seeks. Lets Remember that we have Filipino members and for me, many of the family follow what is being Written. the Topic so far whilst good, is very one sided.

Sorry Vince But........... :)

 

Jack :thumbsup: