Old, Alone And Stuck In The Philippines

[davewe]

 

Sometimes things happen which make you think about things, Old, alone and in the Philippines. Let me say why I was thinking about this and hope not to bore you all as it's more to do with my thoughts at this moment.

Anyway what started this is last night my 83 year old mum phoned about something but also her news was that she had a bad fall. She was hanging out washing on an extremely hot and windy day and her hat blew off which for whatever reason made her lose her balance and she went down flat on to her back on to the concrete knocking her head hard. She was lucky as her skin is so thin just a touch of a finger causes a bruise and and her skin is so thin it just rips but in this case she escaped mostly with bruises and a huge bump on her head. If she had of passed out I think the heat would have ended her.

 

Now in Aus they have a medical alert system and my mother wears an emergence button thing around her neck, it sends an alert to a monitored place that will immediately call or a machine connected to her landline will allow for someone to speak without the phone to try to see if she can talk back and if not they call appointed phone numbers such as my sister or brother, if they do not pick up then an ambulance and police are dispatched. 

 

So trying not to drag this out but because she was dazed and perhaps her age she forgot that she had the button to press and eventually managed to get up and go inside to call my sister who took her to hospital.

 

She is OK.

 

Now in the Philippines most expats will think that their wife or partner will be there forever in their old age which I hope would be the case but if that person found themselves without anyone, old and vulnerable then what happens?

 

I will go back to a former friend and mine and a dispute one day which I think might have been in the moderators private forum but not sure but the situation was that an American who was living in Cebu had ran out of money, his power was disconnected and things were obviously getting bad. The reason it got to that point is this guy went out every night and took home a lady from the bars; I guess to watch TV but in the end he was broke.

My comment about this situation got me blasted as what I said was, "well he will have to go back to the states". To me that seemed logical but a couple of others did not think my point of view was right and said to me, "You heartless bastard! "

 

I don't think so but what if this was you, you're now old and broke, your wife died before you and her family wants no more to do with you. In your home country there's no one left to help you out so what are you going to do? Many live month to month on pensions and no one plans for a life changing event that could lead to being alone and desperate or even in a situation your health is so bad you have no hope of even getting another person's attention to your plight. 

 

Has anyone ever thought about this and what could be done to minimise the risk of ending up alone and in dire straits? 

Good subject. As I get older I actually think about this a lot. Since I am a USA veteran, my plan B is a nice nursing home by the Columbia River in Oregon. :)

 

 

 

Mike - If you end up by the Columbia I will come visit you! But better make it soon. 1.5 years till we move to the Philippines  :)

Edited November 20, 2015 by davewe

[davewe]

I view this a bit differently and actually have thought about it a lot lately.

 

My concern isn't that I will grow old and fail in the Philippines and not have decent care. And my concern is not that I will grow old in the Philippines and be too far from a hospital or not have access to modern ambulance services capable of getting me there in minutes before I croak.

 

My fear, based on what happens all the time in the West, is about the extraordinary measures we make to ensure that old people hang on, sometimes too long. I would rather have 80 pretty healthy years than 85 years where the last 5 are miserable. No one wants to die in the hospital. No one wants to die in a nursing home. Most people want to die at home. That's what I want and it's consistent with the philosophy in the Philippines. If that means that I end up dying a year or two earlier than I might have in the West, I am fine with that.

 

I need to make sure that my young wife understands my wishes and does not try to hold on to me when I am ready to go.

 

My former mother in law is 92 and recently had a massive stroke. I know that her daughter (my ex and a medical professional) and her son (a retired doctor) are doing everything they can to keep her alive for every extra day they can get. If it were me, I would want to be let go. 

 

Sorry if it feels like I am hijacking the original question, but this is what I fear the most. 

[Medic Mike]

 

 

Sometimes things happen which make you think about things, Old, alone and in the Philippines. Let me say why I was thinking about this and hope not to bore you all as it's more to do with my thoughts at this moment.

Anyway what started this is last night my 83 year old mum phoned about something but also her news was that she had a bad fall. She was hanging out washing on an extremely hot and windy day and her hat blew off which for whatever reason made her lose her balance and she went down flat on to her back on to the concrete knocking her head hard. She was lucky as her skin is so thin just a touch of a finger causes a bruise and and her skin is so thin it just rips but in this case she escaped mostly with bruises and a huge bump on her head. If she had of passed out I think the heat would have ended her.

 

Now in Aus they have a medical alert system and my mother wears an emergence button thing around her neck, it sends an alert to a monitored place that will immediately call or a machine connected to her landline will allow for someone to speak without the phone to try to see if she can talk back and if not they call appointed phone numbers such as my sister or brother, if they do not pick up then an ambulance and police are dispatched. 

 

So trying not to drag this out but because she was dazed and perhaps her age she forgot that she had the button to press and eventually managed to get up and go inside to call my sister who took her to hospital.

 

She is OK.

 

Now in the Philippines most expats will think that their wife or partner will be there forever in their old age which I hope would be the case but if that person found themselves without anyone, old and vulnerable then what happens?

 

I will go back to a former friend and mine and a dispute one day which I think might have been in the moderators private forum but not sure but the situation was that an American who was living in Cebu had ran out of money, his power was disconnected and things were obviously getting bad. The reason it got to that point is this guy went out every night and took home a lady from the bars; I guess to watch TV but in the end he was broke.

My comment about this situation got me blasted as what I said was, "well he will have to go back to the states". To me that seemed logical but a couple of others did not think my point of view was right and said to me, "You heartless bastard! "

 

I don't think so but what if this was you, you're now old and broke, your wife died before you and her family wants no more to do with you. In your home country there's no one left to help you out so what are you going to do? Many live month to month on pensions and no one plans for a life changing event that could lead to being alone and desperate or even in a situation your health is so bad you have no hope of even getting another person's attention to your plight. 

 

Has anyone ever thought about this and what could be done to minimise the risk of ending up alone and in dire straits? 

Good subject. As I get older I actually think about this a lot. Since I am a USA veteran, my plan B is a nice nursing home by the Columbia River in Oregon. :)

 

 

 

Mike - If you end up by the Columbia I will come visit you! But better make it soon. 1.5 years till we move to the Philippines  :)

 

hahha....I don't have any plans at the moment...hopefully my physical and mental health with stay intact God willing, so I will eventually retire full time to Cebu region :)....but my Plan B is Oregon :)

[Jake]

First and foremost Tom (JGF, Boss Man) is that your mother is OK.  We have similar medical alert systems here in the states and I'm sure they would question Judy why I have a smile on my face while I'm croaked over dead.....he, he.  

 

I agree with your comment about that destitute American expat digging his own grave.  The Philippine govt would consider him a burden to the state, just like here where deportation can be enforced to the fullest.

 

I do hope he gets his chit together, be able to leave but will be denied re-entry for the rest of his life.  I don't want to see any product of his gene pool in PI -- he's a walking cesspool.  

[Jollygoodfellow]

I do hope he gets his chit together, be able to leave but will be denied re-entry for the rest of his life.  I don't want to see any product of his gene pool in PI -- he's a walking cesspool.  

 

That was a few years back now and have no idea what happened to him. Probably listening to cornflake stories 3 months of the year if he is still there.

 

 

I'm curious to know if there are decent managed care facilities in the Philippines? I believe I saw something about that being a growth industry there, and in Mexico. My mother just celebrated her 89th birthday in one such facility in Boulder, Colorado. It's pricey, but she has good company, great food, and excellent medical care, if she needs it.

JJReyes talked about there are plans for such in Talisay, Negros, including good health care. with customer target group being foreigners, who want good care cheaper than in their home country.

(He compared to USA. In Sweden it's much subsidiced from taxes, but many places are more storage than good caretaking. It's feeding, cleaning and health care, but almost nothing for feelings and mind... The doctor subscribed my 85 year old grandfather to stay in such place two months to recover after serious foot break after being hit by a car, but he left the second day and went home to take care of himself, couldn't stand to be there any longer...   :)

 

 

 

I built a website for JJ a couple of years back and we listed several Philippines retirement homes (about 15 I think) and all of good standing, some were for the transition period I guess where you were more self sufficient but with care available and others for those with more complex needs. The site is gone now after a virus got in and JJ lost interest in the retirement industry, pity as the site had quite a lot of info.

Come to think of it where is JJ? 

[scott h]

Come to think of it where is JJ?

 

Isnt he and Mrs JJ doing the RV thing across the states?

[Old55]

Yes, in most of our cases the wife is at least somewhat younger or as in Dave's case well...... :dance:

 

Having a back up plan for events like this is so very important. But like the topic says what if you have no backup plan or you have dire health issues perhaps mental issues that one would not realise and make bad choices or that others would take advantage. A real nightmare. 

 

I believe JJ said a while back that they were starting an extended RV trip here on the mainland?

[Old55]

Haha Scott!  :thumbsup:  :cheersty:

Well at least my memory is still fairly good to do with JJ

[frosty (chris)]

My now departed Dad unfortunately lost his mental capacity around his 90th year, in the end he just wasn't capable of looking after himself, broke my heart to see a once very active man, ex WW11 Navy Officer become more like a very young child. I had to put him in a care home and while the staff were excellent in their efforts to make his last few years livable, it's not something I am looking forward too. I have no idea how anyone can make plans when something like this happens, my only idea is a good bottle of burbon, a pkt of cigs and a handful of pills sitting on a beach some place and when the sun sets I can go with it.

Edited November 21, 2015 by frosty (chris)

[Jollygoodfellow]

A few years back I partly recall a story about an expat in Cebu who had no one, he died and the funeral place would not bury him until someone paid. I think he stayed there for weeks. Can't recall the ending but someone else might.