Death And The Wake.

[Hey Steve]

My wife's sister in the Philippines who died about a year back, well..there was the 9 day vigil (which was an opportunity for my wife's neice and nephew to Skype daily with my wife since they had the "night watch")-time difference with here in the US and all made it convenient to chat with my wife. I don't think in all that time they chatted during those 9 days on Skype, while the body lay in state just a few feet away, was the deceased sister mentioned in the many conversations they had.

 

Ok, fair enough-but then what follows... there's the trip to the church, followed by the burial, followed by the 40 day thing (not sure what that's about), followed by the death anniversary, followed by visiting the grave on all souls day. Rest in Peace???!!

 

Anyway, contrast that with my brother in law, ex Marine who died in his sleep unexpectedly in his 40's and in his life was known throughout the community as a person who would help anyone. He was a master mechanic, fixed many neighbors cars,a jack of all trades, everyone called him when help was needed and he would socialize with everyone. He never wanted acalades and shied away from being in the lime light (although much deserved). He loved his low profile. My sister spread the word throughout the community of his sudden passing-and then she promptly had him creamated and that's it. No ceremony-nothing.The way Joe would have wanted it.

One last thought to give respect to those who practice this passing of a loved one. Cultural differences sometimes give us pause to be critical or state our opinion (I can be just as guily as the next person-first to admit) but we are on the outside looking in with this practice too. We were not raised to think in the way many think here-yes, there is disrespect and opportunists, and there are also those who really do greive and find some comfort in those around that acknowledge this person (altough respect-or lack of... can come at all levels throughout the process).

Edited December 3, 2015 by Hey Steve

[Jake]

 

One last thought to give respect to those who practice this passing of a loved one. Cultural differences sometimes give us pause to be critical or state our opinion (I can be just as guilty as the next person-first to admit) but we are on the outside looking in with this practice too. We were not raised to think in the way many think here-yes, there is disrespect and opportunists, and there are also those who really do grieve and find some comfort in those around that acknowledge this person (although respect-or lack of... can come at all levels throughout the process).

Well said Steve -- thank you for bringing me back to earth!

[Hey Steve]

 Jake, Buddy there's more that one time I get the smack down from my wife for cherry picking the many cultural differences (my rants) :th_unfair: ..and am still waiting for the blue prints for that dog house from you so I can get materials ordered. :hystery:

Edited December 3, 2015 by Hey Steve

[davewe]

Having not been to a Philippines wake it is unfair of my to judge. I certainly wouldn't mind going for a couple hours and hoisting one or two to the newly departed. In my culture there is a 7 day thing, though I haven't been to one of those in decades. But at least in said culture they get the body in the ground quickly and the visiting is for the grieving family, not to view the corpse.

 

I have blogged a couple times about related issues because I would prefer being cremated at the cheapest cost possible (Ralph's coffee can) and Janet would prefer an open casket, full meal deal wake. Finally I gave in and said "I don't care. I will be dead."

 

But interestingly she just told me recently that she now prefers to cremate me and will set up a little altar for the ashes. "Great," I said. "Just don't spent a lot of money, since I will still be dead."

 

The fact that Jack attends the burial displays his respect, even if he doesn't go to the wake. 

[MacBubba]

The wake itself is not for 9 days.  The funeral is held as soon as possible, factoring in readiness, availability, schedules of the surviving family.  The novena for the dead takes 9 days (hence, the name novena).

 

The 9-day process that I have observed have been very prayerful, but also interspersed with interaction among the attendees.  It's a time for family and friends to also get caught up.  Sometimes the interaction may get lively, but for the most part, the tone is somber.

 

The 40th day is some kind of milestone.  I don't know its significance specifically, but it is consistent with 40 days being significant for the church.  Example - 40 days of Lent.

 

The Filipino practice is certainly not anything I was accustomed to as a Canadian, but one that I have actually learned to admire.  I guess because in the family that I married into, I know that away from the crowd, they continue to grieve and honor their dead.

 

When my mother-in-law was alive, on the monthly anniversary of her departed husband, she would prepare his favorite dish.  Now that she is gone, we honor her monthly in the same fashion.  Again, it is different from anything I had ever known, but a practice that shows me familial love and respect.

[chris49]

One last thought to give respect to those who practice this passing of a loved one. Cultural differences sometimes give us pause to be critical or state our opinion (I can be just as guily as the next person-first to admit) but we are on the outside looking in with this practice too. We were not raised to think in the way many think here-yes, there is disrespect and opportunists, and there are also those who really do greive and find some comfort in those around that acknowledge this person (altough respect-or lack of... can come at all levels throughout the process).

Good comment. I don't actively participate but it is socially unacceptable here to ignore what's going on. I will pay a 15 minute visit on the 2nd last or last night.

When Granny died 3 years ago, I put in 10k so I earned some respect locally, which has probably held me on thegood side up to now. For poor families a donation of 500 pesos is a good idea.

I don't go to the burial, but we will drop by for lunch if invited.

[expatuk2014]

 

:unsure:  I am not a Religious man at all and I have said this on quite a few occasions but neither am I an atheist,

 

Please Friends this not a Rant and I don't want it to be a Negative Issue Totally but................. Am I on my own here? OR

 

Jack :tiphat:

Hey guys,

 

Allow me to copy and paste some of your comments that hit the mark for me:

 

Mogo --- It is a bit like watching a bad movie.

ExpatUK --  aah the wake or a glorified feasting for the locals and far away relatives !

Scott -- the viewings and such are just a handy reason to have a family and friend reunion on the cheap. 

Kuya John -- I have no wish to party around the coffin of a deceased.

Stevewool -- I hate everything about it.

King Tuka -- It is their culture and they are welcome to it. I do not feel obliged to join in

 

Well, you guys got my blood boiling too.  It parallels All Souls Day (NOV 1st) where gambling, drinking and more drinking are observed around the burial site that was just freshly painted once a year.  Have you guys seen all the litter after that solemn event?  As far as the wake is concern (40 days after death), I think it's a morbid way to seek blessings from the dead, like trying to kiss the hand of the pope -- you'll be set for life.......yeah right.  It's a leftover from the C religion, like an afterbirth.  I've been to the Vatican and was thoroughly disgusted.  All I saw was the $$$ -- men in flowing robes, priceless artifacts and zero humbleness.  

 

I think it was Dave H who said that life is cheap and their death takes a financial toll on the surviving family.  Many of the lolo's and lola's are either neglected or forced into labor, endless babysitting all the kids under one roof.  Deadbeat fathers, lazy, gambling and womanizing are already covered in another emotional topic.  Thank you Jack and Kevin.  

 

And while I'm at it, here's another religious practice that makes me puke.  The street circus of young men parading barefooted, carrying the cross and whipping themselves to show blood on their backs (already pre-cut).  Displaying false remorse like this brings in foreign tourists, bus loads of Japanese with cameras, street vendors selling candles and goodies.  Yeah, it's all commercialized, like Christmas.....my annual bankruptcy.  

 

Don't get me wrong.  I'm a struggling born again Christian and really believe in miracles that have saved my marriage and family over the years. But I'm not about to showcase my bling-bling whenever I'm forced to attend mass.  I'm just as content reading the Good Book in my own private way.  

 

Respectfully -- Jake, a sinner from day one.....

 

I totally agree Jake I only go along with the things because of my wife as I want to be seen as her husband and that I care  !

I do care for her and her family ! I think for all saints day we spent around 5000 pesos hiring tents-buying food-flowers-etc etc

for all the family that attended, and yes the memorial park owner makes a fortune every year !

I took the little woman to the Vatican and it was far from what she was expecting ! Street vendors everywhere ! and the utter disgust from the officials with the attitude of its our Vatican, you are not welcome here !