Horror Stories... What's The Chance?

[sonjack2847]

 Do you want to live in fear that its not going to work

If you do this you may spend an awful long time alone.I have met expats who seem to moan and find fault with everything here all of the time.Be thankful for what you have and don`t destroy it by being paranoid.

[sonjack2847]

most of us are a lot older and the Rough edges have been rounded off.

Talk for your self older indeed.

[Jack Peterson]

 

most of us are a lot older and the Rough edges have been rounded off.

Talk for your self older indeed.

 

[Methersgate]

There is a lot of wisdom in this thread.

I will single out Jake's post about the importance of talking it through with her, Dave Hounddriver's cautionary tale ( see mine, below) and Larry 45's post about what the foreigner sees as love and the Filipina sees as an arrangement.

Edited December 31, 2015 by Methersgate

[Methersgate]

My cautionary tale.

25 years ago I was much younger than I am now. I fell for a pretty Filipina who had red flags all over her, since she was a dancer in a girlie bar in Wanchai, Hong Kong, but there were no Internet forums in those days.

We settled in the Philippines, married, moved to China, moved to the UK, had two kids and after 19 years the roof fell in. She moved out to live with a man she met on a dating site leaving me with the kids. It turned out that the older child was not mine, although she had always said that he was, but the younger one was mine and she had concluded that I was bound to notice and felt that the best thing she could do was to find herself another meal ticket.

I had thought I was a happily married family man. What I had taken for "love" was in fact "an arrangement"', so far as she was concerned.

Filipinas think about these things very differently to the way in which Western men think about them.

I am trying again; almost five years into a relationship with a very pretty woman who drinks and smokes, is young enough to be my daughter and who is perfectly clear that what she sees in me is an arrangement - I am a good stepfather for her child. My eyes are a bit more open, this time. But only a bit more. I still want her to "love" me, whatever that means. Which is pretty silly, if you think about it.

I cautiously suggest that a Filipina may fall in love as a teenager, often with a school or college classmate, and perhaps again in her twenties with a Filipino, but the decision to get involved with a foreigner is just about always a "thought through" decision to try to find financial security in exchange for housekeeping duties and perhaps motherhood. Much like western women used to do.

This will be well understood by her family who are likely to commend her for making a sensible choice, just like my grandmother's family steered her at the age of 19 to marriage to a "safe but dull" schoolteacher, and away from the soldier that she had fallen for...!

Edited December 31, 2015 by Methersgate

[chris49]

The honesty is greatly appreciated, Andrew.

 

I could tell similar tales, but won't right now. Five years into a relationship or 19, is actually good, and given this and that, I would probably take it over the alternatives.

 

I have been involved with a dancer (Thai girl) and a few singers, one Aussie, one Filipina, didn't reach 5 years but had enough high spots, no regrets. An entertainer is easily distracted, but they still demand loyalty on your side. That's another Filipina thing, their intense jealousy on your side, while you are supposed to ignore their behavior.

 

I would never have got where I am today without those experiences, but age my age not ready for another go round.

 

Give me a simple girl, no vices, whose beauty gets enhanced by our relationship, she grows more beautiful, more loving over time.

[Curley]

France has one of the higher divorce rates in the world, 55%

 

Why worry about something that has not happened yet?

 

If you want to marry her then pop the question, if she says yes then concentrate on having a good life with her.

[Hey Steve]

What I might add is that if it's not broke, don't fix it. Jake mentioned to air your concerns and open up into deep conversation about what a life together should be.The common thread here on this forum you came to is that most of us have entered into cross cultural relationships-many by specific choice. So with that said, we tend to focus a lot on the journey more than the destination (although many have found their destinations quite a blessing indeed ). There's sort of a spirit of adventure and open mindedness in our travels through life here on this forum more than the common person, (reading through many of these topics here will reveal just that). So maybe you need to ask yourself how resilient you are-example-Dave's experience regarding his past relationship and him bouncing back to where he is now-Andrew's diversity in his very interesting life and where he is now-and as for myself seeing my first Filipina pass away of cancer months before I could bring her to the US for our life together. I met another wonderful lady who I am now happily married to for 2 years-and it only gets better. So life is about risks, being open minded,smart choices and being prepared to bounce back-even under the toughest of circumstances. I wish you well.

[acrylic]

Wow. Thanks guys. I never expected to receive so many wise words on this topic. I really appreciate your words. As opposed to what I thought, after reading your negative experiences I started to feel more relaxed and less anxious. I think it's a good thing to stop for a while and visualize what's the worst thing that could happen, just to be ready in case things end up going south (something I didn't do until recently). It's specially comforting to read that you guys with negative stories in your back didn't gave up and started again from scratch, with a different gal. Life keeps going on.

 

I did talk openly to her about this issue and about her expectations from me. So far, she still feels like a keeper to me. But only time will tell.

 

Thanks again and happy new year to all of you.

[Jack Peterson]

only time will tell.

 

For me, On the positive Side, 8 years Together and 7 Married  :thumbsup:  Working Together is the key to success But firm and Friendly to the Family, as the Family, Goes way beyond Mama & Papa. :cheers:

 

Jack :)