Filipinos Abroad. Coming On Holiday Or Returning Home! ( Finding It Hard To Adapt)

[Jack Peterson]

:rolleyes:  Now I am not sure if this is just me but it is something I am beginning to notice more and more, Specially the longer I am here. In no way is it a moan or a "Have a go at anyone but......" I am noticing things that make me (to a degree) Understand a little more why  "OFW's and others (Married to a Foreigner and Living in another Country) Don't want to return Home.

 

I was at a 60th Birthday Party on Friday, I was Seated with the Lads on a Separate table from my Wife and was with her Cousin who lives in Canada. (6 months there & 6 months here) he tells me that His Home Country is just not what he wants anymore as he is not getting here what he expects and in many cases demands. ( Like all of us I guess)

Now, I have been involved with Filipinos for over 40+ years both Personally and in Employment circles and can see where he is Coming from. So is it just the No change (was there ever any) in the Philippines or is it the Western way that has engulfed the Minds of Some?

Take the Guy I wrote about 2 weeks ago who built the house with No Access. Using a Foreigners logic (or trying to) says, I will use that Unused Land to approach my House. His Cousin has Blocked off the only other Access now because of a dispute. Using words like go home False Foreigner. You Forget Who and What you are, We have our ways and you must come Home and restart your life with us. Don't come here and tell us this happens over there because it is not how things are here. 

 

I guess I would feel the same if I were to go back to the UK now after 20+ years away and expect things to be pretty much the same, of course, They are not and I would have to start Learning the Knowledge all over again.

I have a friend ( Well an Ex Work Colleague) Who is in a same sex marriage in the UK, So he can't come and Live here again he says as he will never be accepted by the Authorities ( Which is a must in his Profession CPA) So my Thoughts/Questions are this

Do Filipinos not want to come back Home to live because of the No change here but are too well ingrained in a Western Culture they are just not going to Fit in again?

 

It seems at times to me that the Average Filipino will always be a Filipino until They get that Whiff of the "Greener Grass" and become  a member of the aloof Brigade. This worries me a little, As a Brit I know What I am, Who I am and Where I came From But as I said, it is Something I am Noticing. Those that have had the Greener Grass experience can in many instances bring the Wonderful Filipino Culture into a little Turmoil.( Sometimes it is not that Wonderful)

 

As I previously said at the Start I am not having a bash, it is just Something I noticing more and more.

I smiled when our SIL said that she will come Home in 5 years from the US but was a little concerned that it might take her a long time to Adapt. Now, There it is in one hit Adapt. Could this also be the problem, She was saying it took some time to Adapt to the US and in 5 years time would she make it. Re-Adapt to the Philippines & it's way of Life.

Seems at times we (The Foreigner) are not the only ones that find it hard to Adapt.

 

OK all done, just my Monday Offering for some thoughts from out there.

 

Jack. :)

 

 

[Dave Hounddriver]

It seems we are the beneficiary of reverse racism here.  We, obvious foreigners, get the "Hi Sir"  or Hi Boss" while returning OFWs get "He/she thinks they are so high now they have money".

 

I don't think I would return if I was a retiring OFW, OR, if I retired here it would be in a city where childhood friends and relatives do not live.  But thats just my imaginings, if it really happened I may think different.

[mogo51]

This is a great post Jack, well done.  As I read it, I could hear myself saying 'yes that is my problem' on several occasions.

I have been going through the homesick thing lately, thinking I would be better off back home.  I am allowing the 'different culture'

thing to overcome me.  Continually saying 'why do they do that', I knew the answer but was in denial!  It is because it is what they

do and they do not have to do what I do - it is their country!

Secondly, I think we often fail to adjust to the different position we are in.  Back in our respective countries, we have far greater

rights and avenues to complain, if we have a problem.  Here, we have to either sort it or more often, just accept it as the way it is.

Even my S.O, she suffers from  my reaction to something she has done that to me is inappropriate.  I sound off and she just

does not know what I am going on about - difference in our  cultures and it takes a lot of sorting out.  In fact, I believe it is ongoing.

She has been an OFW now for 8 or more years, we went back to Phils earlier last year and she was fine.  She has a great outlook 

on life and unlike me, is in control of her emotions.

To me, the answer is to stay  positive and keep working through these types of issues.  Try and learn how your partner handles

them and reach some common ground.

I hope I have not gone off topic Jack, think this is the sort of thing you are referring to?

[mogo51]

It seems we are the beneficiary of reverse racism here.  We, obvious foreigners, get the "Hi Sir"  or Hi Boss" while returning OFWs get "He/she thinks they are so high now they have money".

 

I don't think I would return if I was a retiring OFW, OR, if I retired here it would be in a city where childhood friends and relatives do not live.  But thats just my imaginings, if it really happened I may think different.

 

 

Yes Dave, this is a good point.  When the time comes and we return to Phils, we will not be in the same area as family. S.O can visit 

from time to time.

[Jack Peterson]

I don't think I would return if I was a retiring OFW,

 

We have a friend ( Well a work mate of Azon's) who's Aunt,that was 25 years in Spain.[but on work permits,] had to come Home as she just could not get leave to stay even after 20+ Years in the same City and about 7 Jobs all on a different permits, She gets a European Pension that is quite good ( this is because of the EU. SS Agreement. She had the House the Family Live in Built some 10 Years ago but she is home now and believe me, she expects to be thought of as a Queen

"He/she thinks they are so high now they have money".

 So this, I can see will in the end, be a problem for the family. She Reminds all that although the House is in her Brothers name .Remember who paid for it. 

 I am not saying it is wrong but it does create Problems at times, if this is what happens all over which is what I meant about a little turmoil

 

 Edit to just add a little :thumbsup:

Edited January 11, 2016 by Jack Peterson

[Jack Peterson]

I hope I have not gone off topic Jack, think this is the sort of thing you are referring to?

 

No it's fine but I was more leaning to the Ladies( Filipino's in General) Adapting to normal day to day issues when they get back home after the Event of living Abroad. We have done our Adapting while we are here, This has all come about mainly because I am coming across more and More Returning Filipinos who can't/won't/Don't seem to want to re Adapt and things can get Pear shaped because of it.

[jpbago]

   We have met some Filipino couples in Canada who have not returned to the PI in 30 years. We ask why and they say: "Why, it is bad enough with phones and internet with people always asking for money." They also see that there has been no change in PI. Same, same.

   We have some OFWs that also say why. They see their relatives sitting around drinking, gambling, and having kids from different partners. Our niece in Dubai deactivated her FB and does not give out her cell #.

   The locals think that it is the duty or obligation of overseas relatives/OFWs to "share their blessings" while they do not work because they are tired.

   For me going back and forth (6 in, 6 out), it is difficult to adjust or adapt here as I see the differences readily. 

   I have heard of others that do come back to their home country when they retire but I do not know the results if they stay or not. Sometimes it is a dream or instinct like when a salmon or turtle returns to where they were born. It is not for healthcare.

 

   the other jp

[Dave Hounddriver]

 The locals think that it is the duty or obligation of overseas relatives/OFWs to "share their blessings"

 

That concept is one I have tried to wrap my mind around and the best I can come up with is:  In the past, Filipinos who did not have money did not get an education and did not become OFWs.  In many cases, one of the children was picked to grow up and get an education then go forth and make something of themselves.  This means their siblings didn't get the same opportunities because they had to sacrifice so the chosen one could learn an OFW trade.  This means the parents had to sacrifice, as education was not cheap in a poor household.  This meant friends and neighbors often shared rice and other food as they knew the family was struggling to give one of their kids a chance in life.  This is the kind of story I hear from some families in bygone days so that the ones who are now retiring OFWs often do have a moral obligation to the community that gave them the opportunity (IMHO) but today's group of OFWs seem to have it a little easier.

[chris49]

 

I hope I have not gone off topic Jack, think this is the sort of thing you are referring to?

 

No it's fine but I was more leaning to the Ladies( Filipino's in General) Adapting to normal day to day issues when they get back home after the Event of living Abroad. We have done our Adapting while we are here, This has all come about mainly because I am coming across more and More Returning Filipinos who can't/won't/Don't seem to want to re Adapt and things can get Pear shaped because of it.

 

 

 

I think much more on the female side, Jack, they leave their kids and grandkids to come home and it probably creates a conflict of wanting to be in 2 different places for 2 different reasons. While the man is less affected by the separation, What I notice here is it takes a few visits back and forth for the adaptation to happen, but in most cases I think they do adapt (not including of course those that refuse to live here and take only short vacations home).

 

And not including the case of Mogo's partner. She's an OFW only in a neighbouring Asian country, so eventually she will have to come home. Having met her, once she fulfills her financial obligations, I think that's not going to be a problem.

 

I also think the whole concept of "life is easier here" is not going to be so evident to a person who left the country over 30 years ago, when things were generally harder than they are today.

 

So I would say adaptation over time, with a certain percent that have it in their mind not to adapt and would prefer to live in a western country.

[Mike S]

We have our ways and you must come Home and restart your life with us. Don't come here and tell us this happens over there because it is not how things are here.

 

Yup I agree .... no different than us Kano's .... way to many of foreigners come here expecting life to be as it was were they came from but it ain't .... we have to live by a whole new set of rules and regulations even if the locals do not ....

 

Interesting true tale .... when I was sending my BB boxes over here from the US I used a Filipino grocery store to do the shipping from he asked me if I had relatives here that I was sending stuff to and I said no I'm going there to live .... he said what on earth for I don't even like to go back for a visit .... we've been here in the US for over 20 years and only been back to visit 3 times and that was for deaths in the immediate family ....

 

You'll be sorry and be back here within 6 months if not sooner .... come and see me when you do .... he and his wife were in their late 50's .... well that was almost 9 years ago and I'm still here ..... :hystery: :hystery:

:cheersty:

Edited January 11, 2016 by Mike S