Family Values In Philippines, Do The Kids Really Take Care Of Their Parents

[Dave Hounddriver]

There is a belief, in Philippines, that having many children will secure your old age, as surely one or more of the kids will take care of you.

 

My spouse tells me this seldom happens.  She tells me tales of old people, living in poor rural barangays, rotting in their beds as they lay dying because none of their 9 or so grown kids is willing to do anything to help.  They only seem to show up when the old folks die so they can fight among themselves to see who will inherit the house and lot and farmland.

 

Yvonne tells me how she was raised by her grandparents and their kids seldom came around.  There was no money but so long as grandpa was able to work the farm there was a little food to eat.  When he got sick she nursed him until he died, at home, none of the 7 kids coming around.  That is until the death when they all showed up and kicked her out (she as 16 at the time) because she was just a grandkid so could not inherit and no longer had any right to live in that house now the grandparents were dead.

 

So the stories of having lots of kids to secure your old age seem like fairy tales to me.  If the old folks have money then the kids will come by and help.  If there is no money then the average family just lets the old folks rot.  NOT in all cases.  There are many cases where the children will look after their parents but it seems to me to be the exception, rather than the rule, when it comes to poor rural families.

 

What is your experience?  (Yvonne says she can give 10 "f'ing" names if I don't believe her  :hystery:  but I do believe and that is why I am telling her story here.  She tells me we foreigners don't know how lucky we are because we can take it for granted that someone will look after us when we are old.)

Edited February 12, 2016 by Dave Hounddriver

[mogo51]

Only last week my S.O and I were talking about her family, both parents elderly and in ill health.  Most of her siblings work O/s, brother works the farm.  Now her children have finished higher education, she sends some money every month for medication for the parents.

I do not ask details, as it is none of my business.

But she does care about her parents and helps as best she can, not all children are doing the same.

She says that this philosophy of children will take care of parents is diminishing in Phils, expecially with the younger generations.

But when you consider that there is virtually no social security system in Phils, then there seems there will always be that need for 

some time to come?

[jpbago]

What is your experience?  

 

   I agree as I see the same. Often, it is the parents who still take care of their children well past the child age, like into late twenties. Too many people just sitting around waiting for remittances. When they do get some money, they spend it on themselves for cellphones, clothes, and motorcycles. They don't work because they get tired. 

[Jack Peterson]

There is a belief, in Philippines, that having many children will secure your old age, as surely one or more of the kids will take care of you.

 

My spouse tells me this seldom happens.  She tells me tales of old people, living in poor rural barangays, rotting in their beds as they lay dying because none of their 9 or so grown kids is willing to do anything to help.  They only see to show up when the old folks die so they can fight among themselves to see who will inherit the house and lot and farmland.

 

Yvonne tells me how she was raised by her grandparents and their kids seldom came around.  There was no money but so long as grandpa was able to work the farm there was a little food to eat.  When he got sick she nursed him until he died, at home, none of the 7 kids coming around.  That is until the death when they all showed up and kicked her out (she as 16 at the time) because she was just a grandkid so could not inherit and no longer had any right to live in that house now the grandparents were dead.

 

So the stories of having lots of kids to secure your old age seem like fairy tales to me.  If the old folks have money then the kids will come by and help.  If there is no money then the average family just lets the old folks rot.  NOT in all cases.  There are many cases where the children will look after their parents but it seems to me to be the exception, rather than the rule, when it comes to poor rural families.

 

What is your experience?  (Yvonne says she can give 10 "??????" names if I don't believe her  :hystery:  but I do believe and that is why I am telling her story here.  She tells me we foreigners don't know how lucky we are because we can take it for granted that someone will look after us when we are old.)

 How so very True this is and it is a sad fact but echoes what I certainly ( and I know others) have said,  for a country that Spouts about how they look after theirs olds, it is just hogwash in reality, It seems to me,  to start with our own children and needs to be brought home swiftly. We live some 2 K from mama yet none at the Big lot seem to do very much, as suggested here, they are just waiting for her to go, then Squabble. My wife goes daily to Mama's and administers her medication, Yet there is a registered Nurse living under the same roof but seems to take his Elders view of she is not my problem.

Our own Daughter ( Coming to 17 in May) cant even make us a Coffee even though she is making her own drink. Respect for Parents has some days, gone out of the window.

This now, does not surprise me as I had seen it happening in Spain where, as one would expect, was always the same as here but no! but yes! just the same, they are old and we will get things when they are gone.

Then after the Madrid Bombings and the Radical change in Government in Spain things Changed, The Inheritance laws were changed and nominated Wills came in, then, there was a different story. People realized that if they did not change their ways they could be written out of the Inheritance.

I tend to think that the Constitution here really does need some amendments and this is one of the big things that needs to be looked at. The Inheritance System

I look at it this way, if you want a piece of what I have however little, look after me while I am still here.

 

JMHO

 

Jack :tiphat:

 

BTW Dave, 10 marks to "Y" for getting through and over this story  :thumbsup:

[Dave Hounddriver]

People realized that if they did not change their ways they could be written out of the Inheritance.

 

Spot on!

 

The grandparents I wrote of had land.  They could have sold it to pay some or all of their medical bills but they had the old fashioned attitude that they wanted to leave something to their kids.

[manofthecoldland]

But when you consider that there is virtually no social security system in Phils, then there seems there will always be that need for  some time to come

    There is a Social Security System here. You have to enroll and make contributions for 10 years to qualify. 

[scott h]

What is your experience?

 

You know Dave this is another of those YMMV things here in the Philippines. I know the folks across the street had their mother living with them, had a full time nurse even though at times they could not pay the water bill (it was shut off regularly). On our street the matriarch and patriarch of a family live surrounded by family, they kind of hold court all day and take taxis to the casino.

 

My own mother in law was spry until her death and lived in her house with a maid/caretaker (she had her husbands police pension and her teachers pension) One brother in law brought his MIL to the states with him, the other BIL's MIL lives in her own home with a caretaker provided by the kids.

 

So I suppose the bottom line is it all depends on the financial status of the family (big surprise eh?) :cheersty:

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I am sure it is a case by case basis... but from what I have observed (not just our family) there is a self feeding cycle.

 

You work OFW (or move to Manila) while your parents raise your kids.  Then when you come home, your kids go OFW and you raise their kids.  If your parents are still alive... you take of them too.  But most people really don't live that long here.  Each family seems to have some 70 year old king or queen of the clan - but many die from 'high blood', heart attacks, untreated diabetes, and strokes before they hit 60.

 

There is usually one or two of the kids that get pregnant and quit school.  When the grandparents die - they get to raise the siblings while the parents are OFW.

 

That is almost what happened in my wife's family.  Dad ran out on them years ago and got another 'wife'.  A couple kids (girls) went to Manila to work, others (girls) went OFW. Mom stayed home to raise the other kids, and the grandkids. The son sent his wife OFW (only 1 boy survived, there are 5 or 6 sisters).  My wife was in college, getting ready to go OFW when her mom died.  So she had to quit school and move back home to raise everyone's kids. 

 

The cycle continues but we moved away from that mess.  Her OFW sisters were not very happy about it... but none of the husbands worked, so they can raise their own damn kids.  The sisters still send my wife their money and she goes back to the province every couple months to pay the bills (mostly school supplies, college tuition, and electric bill).  The husbands will spend it on on beer, cock fights, and girlfriends.

 

The theory seems to be to have as many kids as you can so maybe one of them will either strike it rich as an OFW, or get a foreigner....    :tiphat:

[Jack Peterson]

The theory seems to be to have as many kids as you can so maybe one of them will either strike it rich as an OFW, or get a foreigner....

Ain't this the truth of it all. No matter how it is painted

[Kuya John]

Seems like we all have a story we can tell....

My wife before we met, was the one left to look after her Mom n Dad

while her siblings all enjoyed the fruits of their working.

Once she met me, married and came to UK, the rest of the family decided

to sell the family farm and left her out of any inheritance because she was

married to a foreigner.