Troublesome Ex

[Bob99]

Hi Everyone,

I am having trouble with my Filipina Ex, and was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice?

I married a Filipina back in 2009 in the Philippines and had a child together and a step-child.  We moved to the UK back in 2009 and the marriage soon had difficulties due to her temper and jealousy constantly accusing me of cheating (which i wasn't).  I work away and during 2014 she had an affair which i discovered.  We agreed to stay together for the sake of the children and as a last ditch attempt we agree to move back to the Philippines.  I moved back first as i had some work lined up back in July 2015 while she remained in the UK with intentions to move in the following few months (house sale, school holidays etc).  I was still unhappy with the relationship.

Shortly after arriving here the jealousy etc continued and i found myself in hospital for something which i was very concerned about (but later found was relatively minor).  She wouldn't accept my calls claiming i'm always complaining.

This was the final straw and in August i finally ended our relationship, but must continue to work.  She has gone crazy.  This is over 6 months ago and still shows no sign of improving.

She claims i planned this all along, that i have another girl (not true, but met someone else shortly afterwards).  I have had death threats, threatening to pay for someone to have me shot in the spine, my new girlfriend to be gangraped etc.  On a short return to the UK she was even arrested for trying to kill me with a kitchen knife and threatened to kill the kids, although i didn't press charges.  She is remaining in the UK at present

Throughout all of this i have remained polite and pay all the UK bills and give her very generous support (£800 per 2 weeks).  She still harrases me daily.  In September last year i filed for divorce (through UK), she declined and after much expense she agreed to legal seperation although she has not signed the paperwork.  Always asking for more money and saying this is not enough.  Threatening to burn our UK house down etc.  

Just recently she will not let my son come to see me (6 years old) if he will meet my new GF giving unreasonable reasons such as she might poison his drink, she might confuse him etc .  She has also resumed her relationship with the guy she cheated on me with.  I have no issues

She wont let it go, she has instructed the lawyer to stop the legal seperation procedure and she is coming to the Philippines to "make a mess for me" and file a "Case" against me and my girlfriend.

I am at my wits end with the constant abuse and no progress on seperation.  I am concerned for my GF and mine safety and am concerned I am breaking the law with my new relationship.  I cannot continue like this.  Any suggestions?  I would prefer to see out my 1 year contract in the Philippines and i intend to remain here.

 

[lets_take_a_look]

 

You do indeed have a problem here in that you may be held criminally liable for concubinage as a married man in an extramarital relationship while still married.

Get a divorce in the UK as soon as possible. Even if you seek legal separation here, that still will not dissolve your marriage, but a divorce secured by you abroad will be valid and recognized in the Philippines.

Good on you for keeping a cool head through all this, and not being vindictive towards her in retribution, but if your wife is having extramarital relations with someone here in the Philippines, consider that she thus becomes guilty of adultery. 

Concubinage and adultery are not the same thing. (See Articles 333, 334, and 344 of the Revised Penal Code)

Legally, the standards against married women (under adultery) are stricter than they are against men (under concubinage). So you may want to point that out to her or her lawyer so that she becomes more reasonable to talk to.

Is the lady with whom you presently have a relationship herself married? That may bring up its own problems.

But get that UK divorce ASAP.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[robert k]

Why would you not press charges for attempted murder, terroristic threat, threat to the children threat of arson?

It can't be FOR the children because this is not the behavior you want them to learn in their formative years.

You have to deal with this. Let this drag on and you may very well be shot in the spine, just shot repeatedly or your girlfriend gang raped. Stop being a doormat. I hate that this sounds so harsh but what do you expect to happen? I think the trigger might be when you stop paying for everything. If she or the kids is beneficiary for your insurance policy or the house the instant it becomes clear the money train has stopped, I wouldn't voluntarily stand next to you. God Bless.

[chris49]

1. Cut the 800 pounds every 2 weeks down to what is child support in the UK. How much would that be?

2. On the case to be filed in the Philippines, call her bluff. She would have to go to a Public Prosecutor with evidence of your co-habitation...possibly through a detective. Meantime it not a bad idea to "disappear" to a new address.Change telephone numbers Sim Cards, block he on FB. She cant rant if she can't contact you. 

3. A prosecutor wont file a case without evidence. Getting the evidence would take time and money. 90% she is bluffing, but yes for 10% she might make a mess but I don't think so.

4. Put aside just for the moment your relationship with your son. He's the pawn in the game...that's the hard one, but you can get back to him later.

5. A common threat is to for the aggrieved party to go to DOI and file a complaint against you. Recently the DOI has been advised not to act on matters which don't have a court conviction. Yes, there could be problems, but definitely you would have warning. You might have to leave the country, but you could also re-enter later using a new passport.

*Had similar, rode it out. I'm still here, married with 2 kids. Had similar threats, none eventuated, but I lost a house, car and cash savings in the process. But I recovered. At one point in time I was on a trip out of the country when she had threatened to have me blacklisted. I consulted the immigration guys at the airport and they told me how difficult it was to do that.

**I no longer see my son, also now 6. I ran into him in a Mall at one point and he looked happy to see me. But she shielded him away from me.

 

 

Edited March 9, 2016 by chris49

[robert k]

10 minutes ago, chris49 said:

1. Cut the 800 pounds every 2 weeks down to what is child support in the UK. How much would that be?

2. On the case to be filed in the Philippines, call her bluff. She would have to go to a Public Prosecutor with evidence of your co-habitation...possibly through a detective. Meantime it not a bad idea to "disappear" to a new address. A prosecutor wont file a case without evidence. Getting the evidence would take time and money. 90% she is bluffing, but yes for 10% she might make a mess but I don't think so.

3. Put aside just for the moment your relationship with your son. He's the pawn in the game...that's the hard one, but you can get back to him later.

4. A common threat is to for the aggrieved party to go to DOI and file a complaint against you. Recently the DOI has been advised not to act on matters which don't have a court conviction. Yes, there could be problems, but definitely you would have warning. You might have to leave the country, but you could also re-enter later using a new passport.

**Had similar, rode it out. I'm still here, married with 2 kids. Had similar threats, none eventuated, but I lost a house, car and cash savings in the process. But I recovered. At one point in time I was on a trip out of the country when she had threatened to have me blacklisted. I consulted the immigration guys at the airport and they told me how difficult it was to do that.
 

Did you miss the part about she was arrested for trying to kill him with a kitchen knife? Do you think she doesn't mean it?

[chris49]

Quote

Did you miss the part about she was arrested for trying to kill him with a kitchen knife? Do you think she doesn't mean it?

Yes of course.

But they were living in the UK in the same house at that point. So she would have to come here to the Philippines and organize a "hit" and she would have to know where he's living. Putting a "hit" on a foreigner, sure it could be done, but it's more complicated and more expensive than putting one on a local.

And Robert K., in your post you offer comments but no direct advice.

Clearly the woman is either a psycho or she might be a Drama Queen acting out for the money. She's with a new partner and he also benefits from the 800 pounds x 2 a month.

Changing the address perhaps to a secure compound or condo with a security guard is included in my advice.

Edited March 9, 2016 by chris49

[robert k]

20 minutes ago, chris49 said:

Yes of course.

But they were living in the UK in the same house at that point. So she would have to come here to the Philippines and organize a "hit" and she would have to know where he's living. Putting a "hit" on a foreigner, sure it could be done, but it's more complicated and more expensive than putting one on a local.

And Robert K., in your post you offer comments but no direct advice.

Clearly the woman is either a psycho or she might be a Drama Queen acting out for the money. She's with a new partner and he also benefits from the 800 pounds x 2 a month.

Changing the address perhaps to a secure compound or condo with a security guard is included in my advice.

Not being a Brit, I don't know if he still has the option to press charges.

I didn't say as much but I thought the hint was broad enough that he should make sure that he was worth nothing to them dead.

The guy is paying enough that she could be on a plane right now with enough left over to pay for the hit if they wouldn't be willing to wait for the cut of the house and insurance.

I have noticed that with people who are bat poop crazy, they have family members who are also, sort of a nurture over nature thing, they are raised that way.

Filipina knifing people is usual?

 If he said she was an orphan, I might believe it would be tougher to arrange. Drive by on a motorcycle with helmeted rider, no plates, who would notice? Many motors with no plates.

We aren't talking about a hit on a diplomat here. I doubt this guy has any clout at all. If it couldn't be done for 5k I bet it could be done for 50K, which is less than he is sending her twice a month? We will just have to agree to disagree.

[chris49]

A hit on a legal husband, with the perpetrator/contractor in the Philippines visiting is a bit obvious isn't it?

I actually considered having a contract out on Jxxxx, but nah, the damage was already done. But if I did or put one on her or her new partner (American, innocent party), I would the first person they would go after.

Tough situation though for Bob, living under that threat.

Edited March 9, 2016 by chris49

[robert k]

2 hours ago, chris49 said:

A hit on a legal husband, with the perpetrator/contractor in the Philippines visiting is a bit obvious isn't it?

I actually considered having a contract out on Jxxxx, but nah, the damage was already done. But if I did or put one on her or her new partner (American, innocent party), I would the first person they would go after.

Tough situation though for Bob, living under that threat.

You assume a lot, mostly that someone will care. Who will make the police do a thorough investigation? The GF of the married man? I think it more likely she would make herself scarce.

 Remember Harry Doyle? The Canadian. His family had to come to make anything happen and it's been years. Other foreigners have made it their business to get justice in Harry Doyle's case. Not everyone would be so fortunate.

 Where exactly is Jane Doyle and what is she doing? She is in Canada spending the money. And this after identifying and catching one of the shooters.

 The shooter would have to be caught before there could possibly be a tie to the grieving widow. There is nothing suspicious about a Filipina going home to visit family, happens every day I would think.

 

[chris49]

You also assume she's coming from the UK to have him topped off.

Waiting for the OP Bob, to hear his take on the answers.