Troublesome Ex

[robert k]

1 hour ago, chris49 said:

You also assume she's coming from the UK to have him topped off.

Waiting for the OP Bob, to hear his take on the answers.

I didn't say that. Don't try to be putting words in my mouth.

I said the guy was paying enough she COULD be on a plane right now.

Edited March 9, 2016 by robert k
my reason wouldn't make it past censorship.

[earthdome]

You may already have it, but if not, ensure you have adequate legal counsel in the UK.

 

Second, you need to document all of her threats and actions. Recordings, screen shots, police reports, etc. I don't know the UK laws but would they not grant you custody of your child if the mother can be shown to be a threat?

 

Third, the problem is in the UK and that is where it needs to be resolved.

 

I agree with others who recommend you cut all communication ties and move to an undisclosed location. With the way your wife is acting all communication with her should be official communication via your legal representative.

 

Don't procrastinate. Get started on this now. Best of luck.

[chris49]

19 hours ago, robert k said:

You assume a lot, mostly that someone will care. Who will make the police do a thorough investigation? The GF of the married man? I think it more likely she would make herself scarce.

 Remember Harry Doyle? The Canadian. His family had to come to make anything happen and it's been years. Other foreigners have made it their business to get justice in Harry Doyle's case. Not everyone would be so fortunate.

 Where exactly is Jane Doyle and what is she doing? She is in Canada spending the money. And this after identifying and catching one of the shooters.

 The shooter would have to be caught before there could possibly be a tie to the grieving widow. There is nothing suspicious about a Filipina going home to visit family, happens every day I would think.

 

You did say that didn't you?

Edited March 9, 2016 by chris49

[robert k]

9 minutes ago, chris49 said:

You did say that didn't you?

Still is not the same as me saying:

"You also assume she's coming from the UK to have him topped off".

If you don't know the difference between COULD and is, there is probably no help for you. I was saying there is the capability.

Are you saying it's untrue?:

There is nothing suspicious about a Filipina going home to visit family, happens every day I would think. Was in answer to your saying:"A hit on a legal husband, with the perpetrator/contractor in the Philippines visiting is a bit obvious isn't it?" My answer to this is you never responded about Jane Doyle. The case was about as obvious as it could get but the Police seemed in no hurry. You seem to think the police would care, while I would not take that for granted.  

The lowest form of debate, a form of lying is to misquote someone. And since you are continuing after it was drawn to your attention, I must assume it's deliberate.

You have not shown where I said she was on her way right now to "Top him off" as you say.

I will say more. You say you had similar? You only lost house, car and cash savings? Do you mind saying what actions you took that led to that eventuality? Are they anything like what you are suggesting now?

I will note that I respond to your questions while you evade mine.

 

 

[bows00]

"I married a Filipina back in 2009 in the Philippines and had a child together and a step-child.  We moved to the UK back in 2009 and the marriage soon had difficulties due to her temper and jealousy constantly accusing me of cheating (which i wasn't)."

I'm sorry Bob99, but you made three big mistakes from the start to which our readers can benefit from. 

First, you didn't use protection and got a Filipina, who you hardly knew, pregnant.  There are a lot of Filipina's out there that want to lock you in with a baby and will use sex as a crutch to pull you in. 

Secondly, you married her out of an obligation to your child.   It is tough enough trying to make a right marriage work, even when things are all rosy and perfect from the start.  If wedlock is used out of guilt, or obligation, it doesn't even stand a chance. 

Thirdly, you brought her back to the UK.  By doing so, you lost your bail out card.  If you stayed in the Philippines, you could have returned to your country alone, then file for a divorce.  She either agrees to the divorce with a small settlement or else she gets nothing at all.  A small settlement for you, like a few thousand dollars, is a significant amount of money for her.

Hang in there man, and keep us posted on how things are going... 

[chris49]

I will say more. You say you had similar? You only lost house, car and cash savings? Do you mind saying what actions you took that led to that eventuality? Are they anything like what you are suggesting now.

I was assaulted with an iron bar. And I was in a situation where I had to jump off a 10 foot balcony, which I managed, injuring a knee plus abrasions in the process.

Mine was also a money issue. She got enough and she could she there was no more to be gained, so she lined up her next mark, and he was about to come onto the scene. She had to get me out of the way. And despite loss of items I am much better off because of that.

Now Robert, not because I don't want to continue the debate, but our esteemed owner/moderator doesn't like jousting and doesn't like drifting off the original topic. And the whole idea of our replies, both of us et al the others, is to advise the OP, right.

Respectfully mate I will have to leave it there.

[Steve & Myrlita]

Sorry but this girl has serious mental issues and needs to be dealt with before she ends up dealing with you and who knows, in her unstable mind, harms your son as well. She needs to be locked up. Mental hospital or jail whatever works.

[Bob99]

Thanks everyone for the advise,

As of a couple of days ago, i tried a new approach of just ignoring her, which seems to have more success, she phoned me yesterday to apologise, agreed for my son to come here for 2 weeks during the Easter Holidays with my father (which is all i ever asked for).  She also apologised for the threats and agreed to proceed with the seperation.  Of course I am happy about this, although there is a similar trend where it goes quiet for a while then flares up again over something trivial.

Many of the posters are saying it is all about the money:  I'm not so sure, sure she is concerned that she cannot afford to keep a house over her and the kids head despite me giving assurances, but it seems to me the real issue is that I've left her or more specifically she percieves that I've left her for someone else.

I will ensure that all insurance policy benefactor will be changed to the kids on reaching 18 years old

I will consider filing a "Plotter case" here in Batangas.

As one poster asked, my new GF is never married and no kids

As far as my location, she knows I am in Batangas and where I work, I'm sure if she was determined enough she would be able to find me. 

Thanks again

[Old55]

Thanks for sharing that things turned out, at least for the time being. Please feel free to open another topic if you like Bob if in the future things go down the rabbit hole. I hope you have no more issues.

With that let's all end this topic please.

[Larry45]

Let's not bash the OP for his obvious mistakes...I'm sure he has learned a lesson.  There's really not a good solution here, but it seems like just lots of drama.  Pulling a kitchen knife is quite common with Filipinas, so I wouldn't give that episode too much consideration, but the relationship is definitely over.  If it was me, I would just have to trust that motherly instincts will take over and wife will take good care of the kids.  Send her the equivalent of child support (as Chris said), take solid note of the lesson learned, and get on with my life.

 

OP, this really isn't that uncommon of a scenario and many expats have been through this exact thing.  But most expats just post online about how awesome things are for them.  It's good for everyone to hear some of the gritty reality, so thanks for posting.  Hope you find some peace soon. 

edit:sorry for late response...delete if necessary

Edited March 10, 2016 by Larry45