Are you really with the one you love

[Ynot]

Having read numerous replies to various topics, I've come to the conclusion that high percentage of you are not with the ones you really love.  I put forward the argument that you are merely passing time until something better comes along!  

Now you may say how can I make this outlandish statement, and I say easy.  Look at your responses to "should you rent property or should you buy"! Now those of you who initially said you should rent because it gives you flexibility I will suggest that perhaps this statement does not apply to you with certain conditions, that you then did not say in your next argument; well if you can not own the property in your name, then you would be silly to buy property that you can not own.  If this was your next argument against buying, I say to you, this statement applies to you. 

For those of you whose first response, you would be silly to put property in your gf's name or your wife's name, then this statement applies you as you are not really in love.

Now you may say don't be silly, I'm being careful, I'm saying you are not 100% committed to the relationship.  You have an escape plan to minimise your losses, and in the back of your mind you have already pre-mapped what should happen if the relationship falters.  With that mindset, you have set yourself up for failure.  Under normal circumstances and probably in your past life, you did everything humanly possible to try and salvage the relationship.  Who got what was not even a thought.   But in your current circumstance, you have already taken the first step to move on, you are waiting for the day for the relationship to fail.

Now, if by some stroke of luck the relationship lasted say 10 years and then falters what would you do?  Would you look at your assets and think, gee we had 10 good years before our world fell apart!  I think I will give her x, or would you just walk away and mark that time down as one for experience.   If you were back in your home country, there probably would be an enforceable right to pay your partner a percentage of your assets, particularly those assets you accumulated together! So what would you do.  Be honest if you were renting a house would you then make sure she had sufficient to buy her own place or set up with some money to assist her in the future, just what would you do. And what provisions have you put in place in case of your demise for the person you supposedly love, that you share your life with!

For those of us who have gone down the path of buying a property, we at least have made some provision for our partner should the relationship fail or in the event of our unfortunate demise.

 

 

 

[Mike S]

A lot you say above is true .... while we have no property ALL our bank accounts here are in J's name and I give no thought to her running off we our money .... after 8 years she hasn't done it yet and when I was hospitalized she had an excellent chance but instead stayed by my bedside both day and night .... yes I am very much in love with my wife and not afraid to admit it .... but that is just me .... I can't speak for anyone else .... JMHO

[Dave Hounddriver]

9 minutes ago, Ynot said:

100% committed to the relationship

I sense a certain romanticism in your ideal of being "in love" that is commonly found in many younger males who have not yet learned that being "in love" with someone is not a guarantee of relationship success.  It is not wise to go grocery shopping while hungry or house hunting while "in love".

It is all well and good to provide for her when you are gone, but never forget that she may go first so be sure you are always going to be financially secure, whatever happens to your relationship.  There are people who are "in love" and "fully committed" who jump off balconies at SM Mall because they found out the the one they love is no longer in love with them.

[robert k]

32 minutes ago, Ynot said:

Having read numerous replies to various topics, I've come to the conclusion that high percentage of you are not with the ones you really love.  I put forward the argument that you are merely passing time until something better comes along!  

Now you may say how can I make this outlandish statement, and I say easy.  Look at your responses to "should you rent property or should you buy"! Now those of you who initially said you should rent because it gives you flexibility I will suggest that perhaps this statement does not apply to you with certain conditions, that you then did not say in your next argument; well if you can not own the property in your name, then you would be silly to buy property that you can not own.  If this was your next argument against buying, I say to you, this statement applies to you. 

For those of you whose first response, you would be silly to put property in your gf's name or your wife's name, then this statement applies you as you are not really in love.

Now you may say don't be silly, I'm being careful, I'm saying you are not 100% committed to the relationship.  You have an escape plan to minimise your losses, and in the back of your mind you have already pre-mapped what should happen if the relationship falters.  With that mindset, you have set yourself up for failure.  Under normal circumstances and probably in your past life, you did everything humanly possible to try and salvage the relationship.  Who got what was not even a thought.   But in your current circumstance, you have already taken the first step to move on, you are waiting for the day for the relationship to fail.

Now, if by some stroke of luck the relationship lasted say 10 years and then falters what would you do?  Would you look at your assets and think, gee we had 10 good years before our world fell apart!  I think I will give her x, or would you just walk away and mark that time down as one for experience.   If you were back in your home country, there probably would be an enforceable right to pay your partner a percentage of your assets, particularly those assets you accumulated together! So what would you do.  Be honest if you were renting a house would you then make sure she had sufficient to buy her own place or set up with some money to assist her in the future, just what would you do. And what provisions have you put in place in case of your demise for the person you supposedly love, that you share your life with!

For those of us who have gone down the path of buying a property, we at least have made some provision for our partner should the relationship fail or in the event of our unfortunate demise.

 

 

 

Of course! I am with me all the time. There is room in my life and heart for someone else though.

I suppose I should read the post now and not just the title.

Ok, I read the post. I have said most of the things you point out that you say means it would not be love.

I have also said that why does it have to be a house and land? Why can't it be life insurance and or diversified investments that can't be wiped out by a natural disaster?

What if both sides in a relationship are not deeply in love but are reasonably satisfied and willing to settle? Must these people be forever lonely? Without the aid and comfort of someone else?

Are you willing to guarantee that they will not die alone if they just keep searching and never settle?

I'm sorry but I can't grade your post any higher than a F-. I think it might be a great thing if you got off the high horse, stopped looking down your nose as it will make you cross eyed and join us mere mortals.

You don't have to buy someone a house to show you care and I think there may be something wrong with someone who thinks you do.

Dave makes a good point in his post above about romanticism. There is another saying: When you are young, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. When you are mature, if you are not conservative, you have no brain.

Dave didn't mention that he and his SO bought a house.

Edited March 14, 2016 by robert k

[Mike S]

True Dave ..... you have to be in love with your head as well as your heart .... while the bank accounts are in her name should something happen to her I still maintain a reserve as the banks will freeze the bank accounts .... there are other means to store reserves for a rainy day and yes she is aware and has access to them also .... there is a big difference from being in love to being in heat to being just plain stupid .... ...... JMHO

[Mike S]

5 minutes ago, robert k said:

I'm sorry but I can't grade your post any higher than a F-. I think it might be a great thing if you got off the high horse, stopped looking down your nose as it will make you cross eyed and join us mere mortals.

It is all in the individual opinion and that is yours .... however I don't see any high horse looking down his nose in his post .... I guess the same could be said for you ..... but again that is just my opinion .... 

[Dave Hounddriver]

5 minutes ago, robert k said:

Dave didn't mention that he and his SO bought a house.

Good point.  But we did not buy a house because we are "in love", we did it because it was a sound financial risk.  It would have been a sound financial risk even if we were just best friends who worked out this financial arrangement. Being "in love" has nothing to do with it.

[robert k]

1 minute ago, Mike S said:

It is all in the individual opinion and that is yours .... however I don't see any high horse looking down his nose in his post .... I guess the same could be said for you ..... but again that is just my opinion .... 

Care to elaborate on where I am looking down my nose at someone? I'd really like to know your reasoning?

[Dave Hounddriver]

1 minute ago, robert k said:

Care to elaborate on where I am looking down my nose at someone? I'd really like to know your reasoning?

We should change directions here.  The topic is very good because it encourages people to think and be introverted for a moment.  We should all take the time to examine our feelings of love and how they affect our rational judgement.  Lets stay on topic.

[chris49]

15 hours ago, Ynot said:

Would you look at your assets and think, gee we had 10 good years before our world fell apart

I would hope for more. But 10 years with someone I deeply love would be good. I have 5 years with Gina, currently with a good outlook for the future. Also 5 years or 10 years rent free is something.

 

15 hours ago, Ynot said:

For those of us who have gone down the path of buying a property, we at least have made some provision for our partner should the relationship fail or in the event of our unfortunate demise.

I like the topic. Shows some deep thinking. But I do believe more in a legacy to my kids rather than directly to my partner. I'm more hopeful that with a good education and a foreign passport they will later support their mother. That of course begs another question of how much cash and property I'm going to leave to Gina. Currently I will invest that in the kids and continue to enjoy life. Money should accumulate as we both grow older.

There could be a myriad of responses here. So I will watch this fascinating topic.