Are you really with the one you love

[ManilaBae]

5 hours ago, Hey Steve said:

 Have you considered that most of the men here on this forum have moved half way around the world to be in a place that brings comfort to their spouse/SO in a strange land with it's food, cultures, languages, and laws we have to learn and sometimes struggle to get used to? Is this not love? I'm willing to bet the house most of these men DO in fact love their partners as opposed to you saying most do not love their partner. There are plenty of sacrifices made (and very willingly) that in fact do show a deep sense of commitment from the men-as well as the women-hence loving relationships-house or no house, car or no car, etc. Just maybe some deep thought/reflection back to you as well. Just my take anyway.

Hey Steve

I believe that there are other drivers that could provoke foreign men to move half-way around the world apart from love. One such factor is economic. In countries, such as Australia, there are retirees whose meagre superannuation (401k or pension) balance is insufficient to live a decent life in Australia due to higher costs of living and lowering government subsidies in place. So, they then look for countries where their dollar will afford them beyond just the basics, and the perk of attracting much younger partners with the possibility of finding a life partner who'd care for them.

Another driver could be climatic. There are more mature people who live in countries with very harsh winters who now prefer a more tropical lifestyle. The promise of living by the beach, in a rural setting has a strong allure.

While it's easy to suggest that love is what posters in this forum must be feeling to endure the "struggles" of living in a third world country like the Philippines, there are many other factors worth considering. Importantly, we need to investigate cases where expats left the country, divorced their Filipino partners etc..., so you have a complete set of information for analysis.

Interestingly, some mathematicians came up with an equation for finding the "one". The belief is that you don't just have the one but rather you have multiple "ones". A simple mathematical guideline they posit is to reject approx. 37-39.87% of your partners then the succeeding ones are likely to be to your cuppa. Interestingly, a meta-analysis spanning 33 years, 137 research studies and with 38 thousand participants found that what kept couples (married or platonic) together was "positive illusion"-- essentially, how awesome you think of each other. This is crucial for the longevity of a relationship particularly at times of conflict. ( https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/02/18/hannah-fry-the-mathematics-of-love/ )

 

Cheers

 

Edited March 15, 2016 by ManilaBae

[Jack Peterson]

WOW" Yeah! we getting plenty of answers but Not it seems, the answer to Ynots Question

 

Are you really with the one you love?

 I am and it is/has nothing to do with Money at all, Companionship, Trust and Emotional Security to name a

Couple of things, Of course the Trappings make it more bearable and happier times but I know if the S... hit the fan we would still be together   

Jack

Morning All.

 

[jpbago]

14 hours ago, Ynot said:

For those of us who have gone down the path of buying a property, we at least have made some provision for our partner should the relationship fail or in the event of our unfortunate demise.

 

13 hours ago, chris49 said:

 But I do believe more in a legacy to my kids rather than directly to my partner. I'm more hopeful that with a good education and a foreign passport they will later support their mother.

   

   I am in agreement with Chris on this topic but also it depends on the situation.

   If the wife leaves the kano for a younger unemployed Filipino gigolo, her longtime sideline, then I do not feel obligated to give my house to the gigolo but I do feel obligated to any children involved irregardless if they are mine or not. In that case, renting would give me that option whereas buying would not.

   If the kano was the one who wanted to leave, then I feel he is obligated to the wife and children involved irregardless if there is a house in her name or not.

  Some of the guys here have thought that they were with the one they love numerous times, like 7 or 8 failed relationships. They would have been better off with an apartment building.

[Gratefuled]

53 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

WOW" Yeah! we getting plenty of answers but Not it seems, the answer to Ynots Question

 

Are you really with the one you love?

 I am and it is/has nothing to do with Money at all, Companionship, Trust and Emotional Security to name a

Couple of things, Of course the Trappings make it more bearable and happier times but I know if the S... hit the fan we would still be together   

Jack

Morning All.

 

I can add "compatible companionship". A dog makes a good companion but you cannot have a meaningful conversation with a dog. 

My wife and I find that our close age difference makes it easier to have conversations. I trust her decisions and she trusts mine. 

I never insist on "my way". 

I really enjoy her sense of humor which is a lot different than my cornball humor.

The things where we really are different are not that important. We just adjust and tolerate.

[chris49]

16 hours ago, jpbago said:

If the wife leaves the kano for a younger unemployed Filipino gigolo, her longtime sideline, then I do not feel obligated to give my house to the gigolo but I do feel obligated to any children involved irregardless if they are mine or not. In that case, renting would give me that option whereas buying would not.

Good comment which does go around back to the OP, Original Post.

If the wife leaves......I back myself, but I have been burned before.

I do advocate building on family land, I have always said that here. The losses are cut and the rent free aspect comes into play. Paying rent is an option, but then over the long term things do escalate and there's a lot I could do with that money rather than paying rent.

[Jollygoodfellow]

I dont think love is the only consideration. The basics of the OP's post is do you trust the woman you think you love but my take on this is simple. After running forums, yahoo groups and being a member of others I have read many a story where the relationship only last about 2 months after the mansion is built and the one who gave all his love and life savings is the one who finds he suddenly is being arrested for so called abuse or just run out of town leaving the love of your life living in luxury or with an asset to sell while you consider how you will get a job to recover from this at 70 years of age.

So love and trust go hand in hand but being completely stupid also seems to attach itself at times.

 

Now guys, please try not to quote big long posts or those with images, just makes the page long.  If you want to quote part highlight it and a little thing pops up that says quote this and it does.

[robert k]

2 hours ago, chris49 said:

Good comment which does go around back to the OP, Original Post.

If the wife leaves......I back myself, but I have been burned before.

I do advocate building on family land, I have always said that here. The losses are cut and the rent free aspect comes into play. Paying rent is an option, but then over the long term things do escalate and there's a lot I could do with that money rather than paying rent.

And if the family has no land? Or the land is in a crap location? Or the land is already under contention? I would put the number of Filipinos with land in a decent area with good title to be a very low number.

[Gratefuled]

I don't know if this qualifies as a good answer or an answer for everyone but my wife and I had a year long engagement. I met her parents, her 10 year old son, and some of her friends and relatives. We learned about our differences and found that they were not a problem. 

She didn't need me for security. She was employed as Unit Manager at a local hospital until we agreed that she should retire. I wanted a full time wife and her son needed a full time mother. She has a Boarding House that she rents rooms out to locals. Her parents manage the Boarding House because it is on their property. She put her retirement check in the bank and adds to it from the money from the Boarding House. We have a joint checking and savings account. There is not much in it but enough for an emergency if any occur. If and when she ever decides to move to California with me she can always get a job as an RN there if she wants. 

What I am saying is that we do not depend totally on each other. We are both self sufficient. It is LOVE that brought us together and it is LOVE that keeps us together.

[robert k]

I think it's always a good thing to look at the other side of an equation.

The OP says that if you don't buy your wife a house you are not committed, that you are not with the one you truly love? At least one other supports this. The thing is I think they buy a lot of houses. They admit to buying more than one for past wives.

I am going to put forth a theory that even for them buying a house is less a sign of love and commitment than a willingness to buy houses for women they are not going to stay with. If it was truly love and commitment, why so many houses? Where is the commitment to the previous marriages?

I'm not going to state this as a fact but maybe, just maybe, the houses are a sop to their conscience for the series of marriages that they didn't make work but it's ok, she got a house out of it.

[Jack Peterson]

7 minutes ago, robert k said:

I'm not going to state this as a fact but maybe, just maybe, the houses are a sop to their conscience for the series of marriages that they didn't make work but it's ok, she got a house out of it.

 Yes Robert, I can see you thinking here but I would question and certainly of myself Multiple marriages? Hmmmmmmmm Now there begs the Question should they have married again? I know my wife would have seen very large red Flags if I had been married more than the once I had been. Makes me wonder if some just Like wedding cake 

I can then understand why some ladies get the impression of OH! he will do till the next one comes along as he is really not committed. Then we wonder and so a Topic like this comes up, works both ways