Are you really with the one you love

[robert k]

34 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Yes Robert, I can see you thinking here but I would question and certainly of myself Multiple marriages? Hmmmmmmmm Now there begs the Question should they have married again? I know my wife would have seen very large red Flags if I had been married more than the once I had been. Makes me wonder if some just Like wedding cake 

I can then understand why some ladies get the impression of OH! he will do till the next one comes along as he is really not committed. Then we wonder and so a Topic like this comes up, works both ways 

I agree Jack. I just don't see where the second or third time running buying the new wife a house says you really truly love them and are committed if you have already walked away from a couple of marriages and houses before. It didn't change anything before, what makes this time different?

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, robert k said:

I agree Jack. I just don't see where the second or third time running buying the new wife a house says you really truly love them and are committed if you have already walked away from a couple of marriages and houses before. It didn't change anything before, what makes this time different?

 Well of course Robert It Doesn't, it just Compounds the irony of it all. Lets face it, some people, Men and Women are just not the committing Type and I guess this is where this Topic will go. It really is not for the Steady Happily married Couples who have gone past that 7 year itch thing and are happy with their lot. (and there are many of us here) As many have said here already and I believe it can be so true "Marry in haste then repent  suffer at leisure" or in the Courts 

But here the courts won't do us any good so they walk away again but this time surely with Totally empty pockets, not even custody of the 'Cats' 

[Ynot]

Hi,

I note there appears to be a focus on the buying of a house and how that is meant to be proof of your love.  That was not my intention, I talked about buying a house and the thought process that went into deciding if you should buy the house or not, and where you decided you should not for reasons that you could not put it in your name, then I inferred that perhaps you were not with the one you love, as in the back of your mind you have already mapped out an escape plan to exit the relationship in case the relationship falted.  

I raised the issue of that when you were supposedly with the one you loved in your home country did you also think along those lines! Mapped out an exit strategy?  I know I did not, when the relationship (marriage) ended we split the assets.  

Now I'm not suggesting you should split your assets with the one you are living with now, but if the relationship was to end, and if you had been together for a number of years, would you consider giving her anything other than advice!  

In your home country would there be any obligation to pass on anything if you lived in a "defacto relationship" similar to the relationship you are currently living in now?  Be honest if your relationship failed regardless whose fault, would you look at the assets you accumulated together in that time and split them fairly??  

I still say if you are not 100% committed to the relationship, and it does not have to be buying a house, then you are planning to fail.  As I've said it was the thought process in the example of whether to buy or not buy a house and the decisions not to buy a house where you are able to afford a house; was the reason I questioned if you were with the one you really loved.

 

But its good to see all this discussion :)

 

 

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Well I am committed to our relationship - but as I said I do not enter into any contract that has no escape clause. That is part of a contract.  Has nothing to do with commitment or planning on leaving.  It has to do with reality.  You never know the future.  Things can and, most times, do change.  What if she decides to bail?  Do I have an escape clause in the only country with no divorce?  Yes, as an American citizen, I do.  If not, I would still be committed to her, but we would not be married ha ha.

And if we were not married I would not buy/build a house in her name.  Just not gonna do it. 

[Ynot]

Hi,

Albeit my post was not necessarily about buying a house but the thought process of whether to buy a house, someone questioned if I did buy a house in thailand.  Hopefully if i can do this right I will attach a pic or two of it here.  Think of me as a Frank Spencer of IT, I'm not very good at this.  In fact I have noticed recently with issues of opening this site via my normal internet explorer (operating system windows vista) I need to open through google chrome to get better access and the ability to open up things on this site.  Not sure why?  but getting back to what I said, hopefully the pics work out! 

It's my ex wifes house in Thailand, I did not choose the colours', but my sister and her husband stayed there in 2014 for a few days. Im still on good terms with the ex wife 

 

[robert k]

I did not question whether you bought a house in Thailand, I questioned whether you have bought your current wife/ SO a house.

Edited March 15, 2016 by robert k

[Ynot]

No not yet, I'm still working don't retire for another 12 months, then will make the move, rent for 12 months and look for somewhere on Dumaguete to buy and build', my gf works in Cebu but does not like the traffic and I agree, her parents live near Dipolog or 4 hours south of Dipolog, we both like Dumaguete so that is where we intend to build. Just got to find the right place on Dumaguete.

In the meantime should something happen to me before i can retire and build the house, my gf is a beneficiary of my will, so she will have sufficient money to build a house if she so chooses.  I realise this is not for everyone, and others may deal with this issue in a different way, but I'm comfortable with this.   

Edited March 15, 2016 by Ynot

[Dave Hounddriver]

2 hours ago, Ynot said:

if the relationship was to end, and if you had been together for a number of years, would you consider giving her anything other than advice!  

Yes.  I took care of my ex (filipina) live in partner to the limit I could afford precisely because I loved her.  Unfortunately she went past the boundaries of what I could accept in a relationship so I had to leave her, but I still gave her a monetary amount that was higher than many of my friends recommended.  But is that love or just good conscience?

[robert k]

8 minutes ago, Ynot said:

No not yet, I'm still working don't retire for another 12 months, then will make the move, rent for 12 months and look for somewhere on Dumaguete to buy and build', my gf works in Cebu but does not like the traffic and I agree, her parents live near Dipolog or 4 hours south of Dipolog, we both like Dumaguete so that is where we intend to build. Just got to find the right place on Dumaguete.

Wow, you should really read the last paragraph of your original post.

"For those of us who have gone down the path of buying a property, we at least have made some provision for our partner should the relationship fail or in the event of our unfortunate demise." This sounds a trifle premature not having been carried through yet.

It did not sound like you were very good at commitment before and you haven't explained how this time is different. While I weigh all advise, I like to get it from people who have succeeded. I know you think you have it all figured out this time but only time will tell.

It really sounds to me like you are denigrating the (large percentage of) relationships of others in your original post, while bragging about yours and about a house that you haven't bought yet. I'm curious if you think you used to be in that group of the large percentage of people who were in a relationship with someone who was "not the one you really love"? Or is that just something that happens to other people?

Maybe this would have been the perfect thread....in about 2-3 years from now?

Many a slip twixt the cup and the lips. No plan survives contact with the Philippines intact. Good luck with it anyway.

[Hey Steve]

On ‎3‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 6:17 AM, Ynot said:

Having read numerous replies to various topics, I've come to the conclusion that high percentage of you are not with the ones you really love.  I put forward the argument that you are merely passing time until something better comes along!  

 

Ynot, I guess this is where the rub comes in for me. (deep breath...) Ya know, relationships are like snowflakes-no two are the same, I would think that most agree here. To equate the logistics of how a couple is set up - how their particular arrangement works for them (and there are many, many multiple reasons that these variations of living arrangements are made) with matters of the heart for any man without exception as you state (as your conclusion) is too broad of a brush stroke. Regardless if he rents or owns for any reason for that matter-we can only speak for ourselves in our own relationship on how we feel about our partner (in love or not).

I mean, I have everything all secure for my wife (financially)-but my point is not so much me, but in general... that we just can't speak conclusively for all others on how THEY feel about their partner for logistical reasons as stated (unless if it was some form of abuse-or something extreme).