Are you really with the one you love

[Jack Peterson]

13 minutes ago, robert k said:

Any property we may purchase when we live in Phls will be in my name,

 Ron This is just not going to happen ( Legally) You can Have you name as married to on the Title but even with a lawyers Statement of fact, the property will be tied to the land and we all know what this means.

We may not like it and it costs us millions in the End but it is what it is and until the Constitution is changed that is what we do, we buy our loved ones what we do and we will never own it. Should the spouse die first, it will become yours for your lifetime only, You can't sell it, Deed it or pass it on (Will it) The Inheritance law takes over then.

I know none of us likes to hear these things But.................. Hmm once again the wrong part text came up of Course this was Mogo's  Text it should have come from. Sorry Robert

[mogo51]

On 3/14/2016 at 6:40 PM, Dave Hounddriver said:

I sense a certain romanticism in your ideal of being "in love" that is commonly found in many younger males who have not yet learned that being "in love" with someone is not a guarantee of relationship success.  It is not wise to go grocery shopping while hungry or house hunting while "in love".

It is all well and good to provide for her when you are gone, but never forget that she may go first so be sure you are always going to be financially secure, whatever happens to your relationship.  There are people who are "in love" and "fully committed" who jump off balconies at SM Mall because they found out the the one they love is no longer in love with them.

You stole my thunder and thoughts on this post.  Whilst I do not agree totally with YNot, he raises some interesting discussion points.

So far as having things in 'our' name, the hand we are dealt with Phillipine and also Thailand indeed pretty much most of Asia.  I doubt any of the guys would like to be left out in the cold if there was a marriage hiccup.  Given most of us have been hit by a baseball bat in our respective countries.  Any property we may purchase when we live in Phls will be in my name, with a will leaving it all to my SO. It is also a precaution in case Lazy Phils ex comes along and wants half from her.  That has nothing to do with my lack of love and trust for my wife - it is called common sense.

 

Sorry, I should have been more explicit. I know the same rules there as here in Thailand but probably more strict.  We will probably buy a Condo, if not rent!  Then she can do what she wants when I check out. Huge typo

[mogo51]

14 hours ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Ron This is just not going to happen ( Legally) You can Have you name as married to on the Title but even with a lawyers Statement of fact, the property will be tied to the land and we all know what this means.

We may not like it and it costs us millions in the End but it is what it is and until the Constitution is changed that is what we do, we buy our loved ones what we do and we will never own it. Should the spouse die first, it will become yours for your lifetime only, You can't sell it, Deed it or pass it on (Will it) The Inheritance law takes over then.

I know none of us likes to hear these things But.................. Hmm once again the wrong part text came up of Course this was Mogo's  Text it should have come from. Sorry Robert

See explanation on Robert's post.  Huge typo Jack and I was bloody sober! I know that wont happen.

[mogo51]

Maybe we could start a new business venture in Phils when I get there.

Buy high, Sell Low Real Estate Company.  Our motto could be 'Let us send you broke in style'

[sonjack2847]

Answer to the topic title is yes.Have I bought a house or land yet no as I am not ready for that. My wife will get her house soon when I have had time to settle here in Dumaguete and get to know the lay of the land. Will my wife and be well looked after if I am gone to the pub in the sky, yes they will.

 

[MikeSwede]

We are all in it at different stages, some reliving their teenage dream, others, like me, not interested in going back to the "your name again, dear?".

Living and working on an off-shore basis for many years, I think it make more sense, this with providing for, and thus, paying for safety, health and future. On top of that, contribute to some things that is dearly needed in the immediate surrounding family. Early on make your mind up as to how involved you intend to be, measure your budget and work it from there. Buying a place here as a foreigner, you will have given it away from start. Your right of access remain in pace with the state of the relation. Just accept that, and if you are feeling safe in your relation, it is a "no problem" feeling.

Where it can become odd is where most of your assets ends up tied in a property you cannot claim. In case of a break-up,.or an accident that loses your spouse, you are left with bare feet. Again, love is wonderful, but money are cold numbers and you have to be sober about it. It does not need to translate into "not serious about your relation", it is simple common sense.

If the family into which you are to engage do not understand or respect that, then I would think twice about it.

 

[Methersgate]

I am in the lucky position of having one adult son who has dual citizenship. My wife is not his mother; my ex wife is, but that doesnt matter...

[davewe]

This is an interesting and now aging thread. One of the things that interests me is that the title and original question is not what the thread really is about. But I will answer it anyway - yes I am with the one I love. And yes, I have been in love before - and had the love end. 

I had a long talk with my friend just the other day about this. He has been married to a Pinay for over 10 years and hopes and believes it will be forever. But also knows it is possible that it might not be.

We discussed the difference between love, marriage and commitment. Any 15 year old can "be in love". Any 18 year old can get married. But not everyone can make, let alone maintain, a commitment.

How did our parents/grandparents do it in an era when divorce and wife switching was less common? My parents were married until my mother died early; but I am convinced they would have been married forever. My aunt and uncle are married over 65 years. 

Yet few of us today end up with one and only. I admire the ones who have accomplished what is now rare to accomplish.

Most of us have been divorced at least once. Me? I was one of those wretches with 2 priors. I was committed; all I ever wanted to be was committed. But within a year or less of each marriage I knew my wife was having trouble with commitment - or at least commitment to me While the marriages hung on it became obvious that sooner or later...

While my marriage to Janet is still relatively young (coming up on 3 years in a few weeks) it just feels different. I can't prove it to anyone. I can't even put my finger on how it's different. But it feels for the 1st time in my life like I have a committed partner.

Ultimately in Western society, it takes 2 people to get married, but it only takes 1 person to decide to get divorced.

So once again, am I with the one I love - an emphatic yes. Will it last forever - that is my hope and prayer. Could it go south? Yes. Do I plan for it to go south? No. I prepare as if we will be together till I die.

Will I buy her a house? No! Will I buy our family a house? Yes! That's how commitment feels to me. Course I gotta find a good deal - I'm not a complete moron

[Methersgate]

Very good post, Dave.

I am unusual only in that serial monogamy is hereditary with me, I am the result of my father's third, and my mother's second, marriages. That was in the days when divorce was shameful, and expensive, but they were not at all the sort of people who had affairs - they were just both very hard headed. As, I fear. am I, and as is K, to whom I have been married for all of five months after a five years' courtship. Its my third attempt at Wholly Deadlock, and her first, though she lived with her son's father for two years, until she threw him out for taking drugs.

Do I love her - is she the one for me - yes.

Does she love me? No, when we started she was "in love" with me, but that was probably more a case of being "in love" with quite a nice foreigner, who wasn't fat, or smelly, or kuripot. After a time the novelty wore off and she didn't love me at all. Her mother advised her to stick with me and teach herself to love me. She's working on it.

What's in her family heredity? Much more exciting than mine. When we go to the beach with the outlaws, her father always swims in long trousers and a long sleeved shirt. Her mother never saw him dressed otherwise until her wedding night. He wasn't and isn't being modest. The long sleeved shirt and jeans are covering up the gang tattoos that he got in New Bilibid Prison whilst he was serving a sentence for homicide. He only served a few years due to mitigating circumstances.   Her mother on the other hand is a Spanish Mestiza from quite a different social bracket, so theirs is quite a love story, which includes hacking a farm out of the virgin jungle of Mindanao.  

They are lovely people and obviously devoted to each other.

 

[MacBubba]

I know that there isn't a formula, but the marital relationships of your wife's family might be indicative.  Counting siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, parents and grandparents, all marriages in my wife's family have lasted (and flourished).  No separations, no acrimony. 

It's been 26 years for us, and it will soon be 50 for her oldest sibling.  Golden wedding anniversaries are within reach for other siblings.

Of course, this wasn't something that crossed my mind when I married her.  I just knew that she was the only one I ever wanted to marry and hoped that she would have me for the rest of her days.