"nabubulok: di nabubulok"

[manofthecoldland]

I read the posts, and thought.... have things changed?

There seemed to be conflicting opinions tied up with cultural and linguistic inheritances.

My own wife will often start delivering bad news to people by saying< "hI am very sorry, but.....".

However, she seldom, if ever, verbally admits personal errors to me, even when she indirectly accepts her errored judgement call. I freely admit when I made a mistake, but she often just does the silent thing. Is there something linguistic or cultural (other than saving face) that prevents people to easily say, "I was mistaken." ?

We never argue about these matters, but it just seems strange to me that there might be a cultural element that prevents people from admitting that they might have made a mistake or made a poor call.

Is it an East vs. West thing or what? Any opinions or personal experiences with such that might shed some light on this ?

[Gratefuled]

I think maybe we have covered something like this. "That's the way we do it here". Remember this?  Here in the PI and especially the provinces, things are done the way they were brought up doing. I wouldn't call it "mistakes" but maybe "old fashion". As for "cultural", I had a hard time adjusting to taking off my shoes upon entering the house. My wife never complained. she just brought me my flip flops and put them next to me. Is this what you are referring to?

[manofthecoldland]

Sorry.....This was a premature......  shot off of the click. Please disregard the inadvertent tie in to one of my previous threads. I apologize for my clumsiness.

 

[Nephi]

Asians, not just Filipinos have this thing about saving face. Locals here though do it best I think as they (most of them) would actually rather lose their life than to lose face in the slightest degree. I have observed that it's usually not a serious thing but at some point it can become such when you need to know you got the point across - and the point falls in the pond.

 

Nephi

[mogo51]

2 hours ago, manofthecoldland said:

I read the posts, and thought.... have things changed?

There seemed to be conflicting opinions tied up with cultural and linguistic inheritances.

My own wife will often start delivering bad news to people by saying< "hI am very sorry, but.....".

However, she seldom, if ever, verbally admits personal errors to me, even when she indirectly accepts her errored judgement call. I freely admit when I made a mistake, but she often just does the silent thing. Is there something linguistic or cultural (other than saving face) that prevents people to easily say, "I was mistaken." ?

We never argue about these matters, but it just seems strange to me that there might be a cultural element that prevents people from admitting that they might have made a mistake or made a poor call.

Is it an East vs. West thing or what? Any opinions or personal experiences with such that might shed some light on this ?

I agree this is endemic in Thailand, did not know it was so bad in Phils.  But my SO is a little like that, she just tends to go quiet and when has f...up.  But I am learning to just not push the point and move on to something else.

It is indeed an east/west thing.

[robert k]

2 hours ago, Nephi said:

Asians, not just Filipinos have this thing about saving face. Locals here though do it best I think as they (most of them) would actually rather lose their life than to lose face in the slightest degree. I have observed that it's usually not a serious thing but at some point it can become such when you need to know you got the point across - and the point falls in the pond.

 

Nephi

I have tried to explain the concept of admit fault as soon as it is discovered make repairs as soon as possible and get past it to someone who was in the running for spot as SO. She tried to explain that I am not very forgiving. I had to explain that if you haven't done anything wrong, what would I be forgiving you for?

[Dave Hounddriver]

I have been very lucky with Yvonne. 10 days ago she was washing the dishes and she dropped a few plates on the floor.  She came inside all apologetic and told me she was so sorry that she had dropped the plates, totally her fault (she said), and she would buy some more when she got her weekly spending money.

I told her I understand very well how accidents happen.  I understand that this is a very small house with very little space and there is no safe place to stack the dishes while washing them.  I told her to consider it a accident and to look to the future when we have some etra money to do the kitchen up right and give a little more space for the sink and counter.  I would not allow her to pay for household expenses like that out of her bag, shoe and clothing cash.

So when I hear of Philippine people who do not admit fault I realize its a very narrow point of view.

[robert k]

27 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

I have been very lucky with Yvonne. 10 days ago she was washing the dishes and she dropped a few plates on the floor.  She came inside all apologetic and told me she was so sorry that she had dropped the plates, totally her fault (she said), and she would buy some more when she got her weekly spending money.

I told her I understand very well how accidents happen.  I understand that this is a very small house with very little space and there is no safe place to stack the dishes while washing them.  I told her to consider it a accident and to look to the future when we have some etra money to do the kitchen up right and give a little more space for the sink and counter.  I would not allow her to pay for household expenses like that out of her bag, shoe and clothing cash.

So when I hear of Philippine people who do not admit fault I realize its a very narrow point of view.

Something like that I would say I'm glad you told me! Let me help clean it up. My plates and things weren't the most expensive but I never noticed it changed the taste of anything.

[Gratefuled]

15 hours ago, Nephi said:

Asians, not just Filipinos have this thing about saving face. Locals here though do it best I think as they (most of them) would actually rather lose their life than to lose face in the slightest degree. I have observed that it's usually not a serious thing but at some point it can become such when you need to know you got the point across - and the point falls in the pond.

 

Nephi

It has been my experience that Filipino men would rather lose an arm or leg than to lose an argument. They think they know everything about the NBA. They will argue until they are pssed off to try and convince me of something that I could prove to them. I don't even like basketball but I can prove my point. I learned if I want to remain friends with a Filipino, I will not argue with him about anything. I prefer to excuse myself and leave. I'm on their turf and in their country so better not to burn bridges.

[chris49]

15 hours ago, Gratefuled said:

It has been my experience that Filipino men would rather lose an arm or leg than to lose an argument. They think they know everything about the NBA. They will argue until they are pssed off to try and convince me of something that I could prove to them. I don't even like basketball but I can prove my point. I learned if I want to remain friends with a Filipino, I will not argue with him about anything. I prefer to excuse myself and leave. I'm on their turf and in their country so better not to burn bridges.

Yes well, I was watching Classic NBA there in Fitness First QC, that was 6-7 years ago, NBA finals replay, maybe 10 years out of date, but these Filipino's were cheering wildly as if it was live. When I happened to mention it was an old clip, they ignored me and kept cheering as if was live.

Same thing waiting for a Paquiao fight, which as everyone knows has many hours of preliminaries and build up. The neighbors called me to say that Pacquiao had won, when they were watching some replays of earlier fights.