The "Other" Side Of The Fence

[Nephi]

A strange situation has been bugging me and looking for not so much a legal answer but asking out out curiosity I guess.

Some time ago (about 1 year) I located a childhood buddy on social media that I had not seen in more than 40 years. He was a tough but friendly kid and always the risk taker. Found out that over the past several months he has been visiting/dating a Filipina online with the intention of coming over here to meet her. All well and good so far. Well, I wanted a chance to see and visit with a good childhood buddy once more in this life and he wanted to bring her here to the house to me, and my wife and kids as well.

So over time arrangements were made and a trip planned for me to go meet them in Manila to allow more time for us to visit and enjoy the ride here on a bus. Nothing different or strange about this it seemed to me. But then my long lost childhood friend dropped the bombshell news. The girl he was coming here to meet and propose marriage to is not a girl! That's right; the girl is actually a lady-boy; complete with hair, nail polish, shoes, and clothes that would make women in the Marcos family jealous.

This is no mistake on the part of my friend although I had hoped it was. He has actually chosen and become engaged to this lady-boy by choice and knowing his/her sex before flying over her! Both my wife and I as well as out kids were stunned to say the very least. But this is his choice I guess and all I can do is wish them the best.

Now, I believe and know that marriage is designed to be between a man and a woman only and that sexual relations of any kind outside of lawful marriage is wrong. In my present church calling, if this type of situation were to arise with a church member, it would be of most serious concern and consequence. At the same time, compassion, care, and eager concern dictates that I try to understand my friends choices and wish both of them the best.

So after all that unintended writing, my basic questions are. Where same sex marriage in the States is now legal, will the United States allow and issue a fiancee visa? And will the Philippine government allow this guy/girl an exit visa to move to the US to get married?

Maybe it's just me or perhaps I'm just getting too darned old for odd or unusual stuff like this. but to me, it seems that the world is fast heading into the garbage can faster than we can keep dumping. I mean this friend of mine has always been the one between us as kids that got all the girls--every time as well as was married. What happens to people? Are we all sitting on the edge of some social or physiological fence just waiting for something to push us over the edge?????? 

 

With Care But Concern

Nephi

Edited March 22, 2016 by Nephi

[robert k]

16 minutes ago, Nephi said:

A strange situation has been bugging me and looking for not so much a legal answer but asking out out curiosity I guess.

Some time ago (about 1 year) I located a childhood buddy on social media that I had not seen in more than 40 years. He was a tough but friendly kid and always the risk taker. Found out that over the past several months he has been visiting/dating a Filipina online with the intention of coming over here to meet her. All well and good so far. Well, I wanted a chance to see and visit with a good childhood buddy once more in this life and he wanted to bring her here to the house to me, and my wife and kids as well.

So over time arrangements were made and a trip planned for me to go meet them in Manila to allow more time for us to visit and enjoy the ride here on a bus. Nothing different or strange about this it seemed to me. But then my long lost childhood friend dropped the bombshell news. The girl he was coming here to meet and propose marriage to is not a girl! That's right; the girl is actually a lady-boy; complete with hair, nail polish, shoes, and clothes that would make women in the Marcos family jealous.

This is no mistake on the part of my friend although I had hoped it was. He has actually chosen and become engaged to this lady-boy by choice and knowing his/her sex before flying over her! Both my wife and I as well as out kids were stunned to say the very least. But this is his choice I guess and all I can do is wish them the best.

Now, I believe and know that marriage is designed to be between a man and a woman only and that sexual relations of any kind outside of lawful marriage is wrong. In my present church calling, if this type of situation were to arise with a church member, it would be of most serious concern and consequence. At the same time, compassion, care, and eager concern dictates that I try to understand my friends choices and wish both of them the best.

So after all that unintended writing, my basic questions are. Where same sex marriage in the States is now legal, will the United States allow and issue a fiancee visa? And will the Philippine government allow this guy/girl an exit visa to move to the US to get married?

Maybe it's just me or perhaps I'm just getting too darned old for odd or unusual stuff like this. but to me, it seems that the world is fast heading into the garbage can faster than we can keep dumping. I mean this friend of mine has always been the one between us as kids that got all the girls--every time as well as was married. What happens to people? Are we all sitting on the edge of some social or physiological fence just waiting for something to push us over the edge?????? 

 

With Care But Concern

Nephi

Practical? I would say it might be easier for his SO to get out as a man.

I have no clue what the USG will think.

In general, I think it's their life and they can do what they want as long as they aren't hurting anyone else. Whoever gets invited to my house is on a case by case basis no matter what their orientation. No change there.

[Hey Steve]

Regarding the K-1 Visa, Nephi..yes they can get one and it's been happening for (I think about 1 1/2 years now). My wife knows  a Filipina on her FB ("Tom Boy") lesbian that has recently arrived in the US to be with her same sex partner. It's happening as we speak-not too common, but again, yes.

[OnMyWay]

I don't think it was ok in the old version, but in the new version it should be fine.  

Admins, might want to move this one.    The topic reminds me of a topic I have been meaning to post.

 

Edit from forum assistant.... The topic is moved now. Thank you. 

Edited March 22, 2016 by Old55

[Dave Hounddriver]

I think its great that you had the opportunity to renew acquaintance with an old friend.  Yes, it is unsettling to find out he has 'changed' in such a way but we should not judge that.  I have learned that relationships are complicated and if I want others to accept that I am happy in my relationship with a girl of a different race and different generation then I need to understand that others make their own choices too.

Is it right, (especially for those with a biblical point of view)?  That is not for us to decide.  We are free to express our beliefs to others but we are not free to obligate them to our beliefs.

The point about same sex immigration to the US has been answered, let me add that Canada is extremely liberal in that regard so anyone wanting to bring a same sex partner to Canada would only go through the same bureaucratic nightmare as a man bringing a filipina to Canada.

 

EDIT:  On a personal note, at 18 years old I got married.  My best man was also my best friend and I suspected he had gay tendencies but he had a girlfriend and did not 'flirt' with guys so it may have been my overactive imagination.  So we lost touch for 40 years and then I found him on Facebook.  He responded to a message from me one time and then no further contact.  That is a shame as I would enjoy finding out how his life went, regardless of his choice of partner.  To re-iterate, I think its great that Nephi had the opportunity to renew acquaintances with an old friend.

Edited March 23, 2016 by Dave Hounddriver

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Live and let live.  As long as they are happy - how is it any of your concern?  I have never understood that :)

You mentioned your church - your church can advise you how to live - not others. That is how freedom of religion works.

 

Back in the late 1990s a group of guys at work (mixed group, white, mexican , and black) were all talking about race... as they tended to do.  All of them agreed that they would not allow their kids to have mixed marriages.  I tried to stay out of it but could not. I finally laughed and said that I could not believe I was hearing such crazy talk, after all it was almost the year 2,000.  One of the black guys asked me if I would be ok with my son coming home with a black girl (we are white). I told them he could come home with a black guy - as long as he was happy.   ...that shut down the conversation ha ha

[Nephi]

1 hour ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

Live and let live.  As long as they are happy - how is it any of your concern?  I have never understood that :)

You mentioned your church - your church can advise you how to live - not others. That is how freedom of religion works.

 

Back in the late 1990s a group of guys at work (mixed group, white, mexican , and black) were all talking about race... as they tended to do.  All of them agreed that they would not allow their kids to have mixed marriages.  I tried to stay out of it but could not. I finally laughed and said that I could not believe I was hearing such crazy talk, after all it was almost the year 2,000.  One of the black guys asked me if I would be ok with my son coming home with a black girl (we are white). I told them he could come home with a black guy - as long as he was happy.   ...that shut down the conversation ha ha

Hi Tim,

You are right in that it is their choice to be together. If you will re-read my post, it was not to find fault with their decision but rather expressing surprise at a person making such a complete, and about face, unusual change and especially so late in life in life. A change that drastic and very late in life raises cause for concern over the person's/friends well being in that something may have occurred to affect thinking. I have no control over what they or anyone else does in life nor would I try to do so.

We, all of us, have freedom of choice. We are free to choose most things in life; but we are not free to choose the consequences of our choices. But that's another post and topic .

 

Nephi

 

[Nephi]

2 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

I think its great that you had the opportunity to renew acquaintance with an old friend.  Yes, it is unsettling to find out he has 'changed' in such a way but we should not judge that.  I have learned that relationships are complicated and if I want others to accept that I am happy in my relationship with a girl of a different race and different generation then I need to understand that others make their own choices too.

Is it right, (especially for those with a biblical point of view)?  That is not for us to decide.  We are free to express our beliefs to others but we are not free to obligate them to our beliefs.

The point about same sex immigration to the US has been answered, let me add that Canada is extremely liberal in that regard so anyone wanting to bring a same sex partner to Canada would only go through the same bureaucratic nightmare as a man bringing a filipina to Canada.

 

EDIT:  On a personal note, at 18 years old I got married.  My best man was also my best friend and I suspected he had gay tendencies but he had a girlfriend and did not 'flirt' with guys so it may have been my overactive imagination.  So we lost touch for 40 years and then I found him on Facebook.  He responded to a message from me one time and then no further contact.  That is a shame as I would enjoy finding out how his life went, regardless of his choice of partner.  To re-iterate, I think its great that Nephi had the opportunity to renew acquaintances with an old friend.

Thanks for the reply Dave Hounddriver. Really is amazing the changes life brings to most all of us. I hope you are able to reconnect with that friend on FB. I took that ride to Manila and met my old friend and his new fiancee. After that they did come to the house and met the wife and kids for a bit. I just wish my ol' friend and I could have had several days to kind of catch up on these past years.

Personally I think he is making a bad choice for many reasons and not just that it is a same-sex relationship. But I don't judge him and we are naturally still the very best of friends. Just hope he is happy and will get himself over here for a longer visit while we are both still alive.

 

Nephi

Edited March 23, 2016 by Nephi

[Sander Martin]

On 23 March 2016 at 10:54 AM, Nephi said:

Hi Tim,

You are right in that it is their choice to be together. If you will re-read my post, it was not to find fault with their decision but rather expressing surprise at a person making such a complete, and about face, unusual change and especially so late in life in life. A change that drastic and very late in life raises cause for concern over the person's/friends well being in that something may have occurred to affect thinking. I have no control over what they or anyone else does in life nor would I try to do so.

We, all of us, have freedom of choice. We are free to choose most things in life; but we are not free to choose the consequences of our choices. But that's another post and topic .

 

Nephi

 

Maybe he has allways felt like that and has been gay. Maybe he just didn't come out of the closet in fear of all the religious judgement. He might have finally been "?????? it im to old to fake it anymore" and finally decided to live the life he wanted.

[Nephi]

37 minutes ago, Sander Martin said:

Maybe he has allways felt like that and has been gay. Maybe he just didn't come out of the closet in fear of all the religious judgement. He might have finally been "?????? it im to old to fake it anymore" and finally decided to live the life he wanted.

Could be and a lot can change in a person's life in over 40 years. But it's still a shock when you think you know someone.