Visitors at the house-dialogue

[scott h]

At first I felt very self conscience, almost as if I was intruding. My wife and her friend would be talking in tagolog, then break off and address me in English. I would feel they were doing it just because they felt sorry for me. And I hated that.

Now frankly I just don't care. The majority of what they talk about has no interest to me. Gossip is not my cuppa. If they have a topic of interest and want my opinion, they will speak English and ask. If not, I am like the others, ill just go in to my aircon room and be comfortable  

 

[frosty (chris)]

13 minutes ago, scott h said:

At first I felt very self conscience, almost as if I was intruding. My wife and her friend would be talking in tagolog, then break off and address me in English. I would feel they were doing it just because they felt sorry for me. And I hated that.

Now frankly I just don't care. The majority of what they talk about has no interest to me. Gossip is not my cuppa. If they have a topic of interest and want my opinion, they will speak English and ask. If not, I am like the others, ill just go in to my aircon room and be comfortable  

 

I am the same as you now Scott, when I first came here it really did annoy me, now when her friends and family come they all talk in filipino, I just slip on a DVD and watch that. If there was anything important discussed I usually hear about when they all have gone home, but my understanding is most of these conversation centre's around family matters, problems and chismis, the only time they talk English is to ask for more food, beer or money, then I go deaf .

[Nephi]

6 hours ago, frosty (chris) said:

I am the same as you now Scott, when I first came here it really did annoy me, now when her friends and family come they all talk in filipino, I just slip on a DVD and watch that. If there was anything important discussed I usually hear about when they all have gone home, but my understanding is most of these conversation centre's around family matters, problems and chismis, the only time they talk English is to ask for more food, beer or money, then I go deaf .

Love it! Maybe I'll buy fake hearing aids and then if someone asks for anything I'll just tell them sorry--low batt! Just like a cell phone ...

[Sander Martin]

9 hours ago, frosty (chris) said:

I am the same as you now Scott, when I first came here it really did annoy me, now when her friends and family come they all talk in filipino, I just slip on a DVD and watch that. If there was anything important discussed I usually hear about when they all have gone home, but my understanding is most of these conversation centre's around family matters, problems and chismis, the only time they talk English is to ask for more food, beer or money, then I go deaf .

Theres not much more you can do. Stressing over is pointless as it won't help.

[Old55]

Perhaps Filipinos should be excused for speaking Filipino, after all living in Philippines and all that. Anyway are our Filipino friends and family to speak "Real" English or that European or Down Under slang? It must be very confusing for the average Filipino.

While visiting Philippines I am strictly kept on a need to know status. If something comes up that I need to know about my wife or a family member will inform me, sometimes.... or not, eventually. 

When the grandchildren are in the room seems everyone is speaking in English....funny that. Anyone else notice that?

[chris49]

Yeah well, the nightly news is given in Tagalog and many of us get through that with the aid of pictures.

So if I reread the whole topic it seems to be if it's a "hen party" or mixed party, Tagalog is the preferred language of the guests.

But if it's a formal sit down dinner and you are the host I guess you have some right to expect English. Or at that level I assume the Filipino's know that. Don't they?

[Dave Hounddriver]

14 hours ago, chris49 said:

Yeah well, the nightly news is given in Tagalog and many of us get through that with the aid of pictures.

So if I reread the whole topic it seems to be if it's a "hen party" or mixed party, Tagalog is the preferred language of the guests.

But if it's a formal sit down dinner and you are the host I guess you have some right to expect English. Or at that level I assume the Filipino's know that. Don't they?

This is a country where we don't usually have 'the right' to ask the neighbor to quiet down his kids, tv, dogs, chickens, karaoke or what have you.  Anyone who feels they have 'the right' to expect English spoken in their house is doomed to be perpetually disappointed.  But one can always ask, or stamp our feet and demand, and that works sometimes.  (I mean, if it really worked we would not be having this discussion.)

Edited June 7, 2016 by Dave Hounddriver

[Tukaram (Tim)]

3 hours ago, chris49 said:

Yeah well, the nightly news is given in Tagalog and many of us get through that with the aid of pictures.

I get through the nightly news by putting my headphones and ignoring it ha ha.  That horrid voice of "TV PATROL!!"  No, thank you

[davewe]

On 6/4/2016 at 11:36 PM, Dave Hounddriver said:

Many people will agree that it is rude to talk one's native language when the host does not understand it.  I am not one of those people.

I am not one who is concerned what others are talking about.  If they want to say something to me they will make themselves understood, as I would do if it were important they understand me.  Whatever they are talking about, I don't care.  Its their business.  I would like to think that they are enjoying themselves if I am the host.  But, if they are not enjoying themselves then I will smile and not care if they don't come back.

That said, I do appreciate it and give a genuine smile when Filipinos make a special effort to talk to me in English, I just don't feel slighted when they do not do that.

My perspective is similar but of course I don't live there. When one or many of Janet's friends come over or if we go over to someone else's home I am fully aware that they will speak Visayan for hours on end; it just happened yesterday. I don't feel offended. They all speak English fluently. If I want to know what's going on I ask and they all switch to English - for a minute and then return to Visayan.

As I said, it's different for us because in the US Janet must speak English most of the time and looks forward to speaking Visayan with her friends. How can I complain - I can see how happy she is to communicate without a "nose bleed."

I must admit that I am not much of a host but the one rule I learned as a child was that when guests came over you were responsible for making them comfortable. If that means they speak their native language, I am fine with that. 

BTW, the reverse is true. When I go to my inlaws home most of them speak little or no English. And yet they dote over me as the guest. My FIL sits next to me with a bottle of Red Horse - he speaks no English and understands a little - the beer does the talking. My MIL barks at Janet to get me food or pay attention to me. Lolo sits next to me, shares some of the Red Horse and speaks the 3 words of English he knows. I am the guest and they accommodate me as best as they can. How can I do any less?

OTOH, when Janet's friends come over it gives me the opportunity to go down to my shop for as long as I want without complaint from my wife :)

 

Edited June 6, 2016 by davewe

[David B]

34 minutes ago, davewe said:

 in the US Janet must speak English most of the time and looks forward to speaking Visayan with her friends. How can I complain - I can see how happy she is to communicate without a "nose bleed."

I must admit that I am not much of a host but the one rule I learned as a child was that when guests came over you were responsible for making them comfortable. If that means they speak their native language, I am fine with that. 

 the reverse is true.  I am the guest and they accommodate me as best as they can. How can I do any less?

OTOH, when Janet's friends come over it gives me the opportunity to go down to my shop for as long as I want without complaint from my wife :)

 

I'm surprised at the strong feelings that this topic stirs in some.  Even here in the US this happens.  My wife asks me to a dinner party hosted by Fil's.  If there are any US husbands there they usually sit by themselves, not even by talking to each other.  It's sad really.  I like to join the group, just sit at the table with them.  They think I'm cool for doing it and tell my wife so.  I can read these forums or whatever, they don't care but are happy that I'm there.  And they never let my beer or wine run out.  They are a great bunch and I'm glad to know them.  Like Davewe said above, a host has duties.  Fulfill them or don't host.  Those making demands may be the cause of some anti-foreigner sentiment.  Relax, have fun or go home.