I've fallen and I can't get up!

[Reboot]

So I'm going to be newly divorced next month, although it's had been a pretty loveless marriage for years. My soon to be X filed back in March. In April my lonely self decided to sign up to some dating sites...these were all US ones. 

I was thinking of doing some travel after my divorce was done, and on one site I noticed an ad for a dating site with the initials "FC."

So I decided, "what the heck, you've liked asian girls since you were about 5, and meeting one on a vacation would be a lot more fun than traveling alone." I have to say I've always found these ladies attractive.....it must have been some of the cute asian-hispanic cousins I knew when I was young (my aunt married an asian-latin man but they divorced when I was 7).

Well as it turns out, I've been talking to a very nice PH girl since April. I've talked to lots of girls on there, some very pretty, some seem like scammers, others want money help, others want to do some naked webcamming for cash. 

But also some are very nice girls to date or have a relationship with....

This one girl I've been talking to isn't the prettiest one on the site, but what got me about her was a goodness I felt about her from the first time we started chatting. She's a very Catholic girl and seems to have a wonderful family. 7 brothers and sisters. Lives in a smallish town in Surigao del Norte. The back of her house is the Pacific. Like I said, seems to be from a good family..and she is "ninang" to 19 kids!

Her mother died when she was 5 giving birth to one of her younger siblings. She lives with her father, her sister, and her two nieces. Her brothers are cops, computer programmers, and so on. Almost everyone seems to be gainfully employed. Her father might run for a barangay level office later this year.

She's in her early 30s, and no kids. By the way I am 42 with two... and judging by the way some American women have been chasing my newly single self here at home, not too unattractive either.

As for her...she wants nothing bad...just a husband and a family. No mention of money. All her sisters and brothers have spouses and kids...and I think she feels a little left out. She was previously engaged to a Filipino who was working in Saudi Arabia, but it seems he got someone pregnant over there...ending things with her. She's been on the site for about a year, and tells me she was at one time talking to a man from Las Vegas who said he was coming to visit....but then he just broke off communication and left no clues.

She has an internet cafe that apparently produces very well for her, allowing what seems to be a reasonable life there considering where she lives...in other words, she isn't poor by the standards where she lives. She's never asked for anything....I still sent her a little gift for her birthday last week (a small inexpensive bracelet I ordered of lazada.ph) and she was very very happy...she even posted about it on her facebook page to share with her friends, saying no one has ever done this for her before. I've checked her Facebook page...no apparent red flags....I am the only "kano" on her friends list. 

As you can tell, I've been learning a few PH words. A lot of her language is easy to remember as I am a fluent speaker of Spanish, and a lot of cultural similarities also since my family originally came from a former Spanish colony. 

At this this point, I think we end up chatting on skype for over an hour a day, really more like two. She's the first face I see when I wake up, and the last I see before I sleep. I call her on long drives, and then we might end up chatting for two hours straight. 

I am thinking I will fly to visit in September, hopefully. Possibly go to Davao and have her come into town to meet. She is already telling me about tasty things she wants to cook for me. She's very sweet and loving. I might stay as long as a month. I offered to pay her fare to go to Davao, but she insists on paying her own way.

Everything I have seen about this girl s great. My question is this: Is it crazy to fall in love with someone you've never met in person? Because honestly I feel a little foolish about it...but she seems like exactly the sort of good loving woman I would like to be with.

[virginprune]

No you're not crazy mate. You seem to be going about things the right way in that meeting her on neutral ground after much chatting and skypeing. It sounds like a similar scenario to mine and my SO's start up and I've never been happier. Whatever the doomsayers will tell you it is really possible to meet a lovely person through an online site, many on here will attest to that.

Of course you have to be cautious, we all do but sometimes we have to take a leap of faith. Best of luck to you and you're potential mate!

[roddavis]

That's exactly right! "Leap of faith!" Sounds like a promising risk! Been married to my Filipina mama now for 26 years. Never been happier!

I've been thru similar events. What I tell my friends is if you hear "I need, or I want" get ready to run away! I learned that with my mate. When dating, asked if she would like to go to SM shopping. She replied she didn't need anything! (bing, one point). Don't you want some new clothes?  Not really !(bing, two points). It wasn't long after that, we got married in Manila. Now 3 kids later, oldest 25years and the youngest 14 going to an international school here.   Rod 

[Dave Hounddriver]

1 hour ago, Reboot said:

 My question is this: Is it crazy to fall in love with someone you've never met in person?

When you put it that way, I'd say yes; But reading the rest of your post makes you seem quite level headed.  You are right, there are some good girls who go to dating sites to find foreign husbands.  There are also many who have more devious plans and make a career out of searching the dating sites for lonely men.  They are extremely good at what they do.

No way to tell which you have until you spend a lot of 'boots on the ground' time together.  So long as you don't go to meet her with your judgement clouded by the 'spell of love' she is putting on you then you should be fine.

Before I came to Philippines I was "in love" with 2 different filipinas, (not at the same time), that I met online.  One was through a dating site and one was a referral from a friend.  It was crazy to think the person I was "in love" with felt the same as I did.  But it was a real good starting point.

 

[Old55]

Wow, she seems very nice! Good luck let us know how it goes. 

PS, whatever you do don't let her sit in your lap looking into your eyes while singing love songs. Yea, seems very corny but DEADLY. Trust me on this one. 

[JJReyes]

The important thing is so far there are no red flags, which to me indicates you are savvy and aware that there are female predators out there who will eat you alive. Take it one step at the time by allowing this developing relationship to mature. Based on your detailed posting, it sounds like you could be one of the lucky one.

[scott h]

3 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

The important thing is so far there are no red flags

Welcome to the board, the only red flag I could see is that your lady comes from a very large family. Lots of brothers and sisters means lots of Pumumpkins (nieces and nephews). There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, as long as you enter into this with your eyes open and have a full understanding about the dynamics of the Filipino family and all the everything that goes with it.

There are a lot of topics here about family matters, read a few of them, start some new topics and ask questions. Again, welcome to the board and the wonderful world of the Philippines

[Jack Peterson]

[Jack Peterson]

 Short Arms and Deep Pockets,  Advice given to me many many years ago by my Pinoy BIL

 Just be wary of the "Can you do me a Favour"

Edited June 29, 2016 by Jack Peterson
forgot to add the advice

[mogo51]

S good story and I hope it works well for you. By the way, welcome to the forum. i met my so under similar circumstances 4 years ago and I am very lucky to have done so. Just bear in mind the advice here, to 'hasten slowly'.