Filipina Girlfriend?

[Dave Hounddriver]

1 hour ago, AlwaysRt said:

Sorry but you might as well be asking how tall she will be. The answer is, it depends. Read through many of the other threads on relationships and you will see answers to your question ranging from "they have never asked and don't need any" to "had to feed 10 cousins at the first date".

Exactly!  Spot on! And I have dated both of those types of girls and many 'in between' types.  Cherchez la femme! Vive la difference!

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Scott H made some good points.  The dating scene is very different here.

You date 2 or 3 times and it is time to meet the parents and plan a wedding! I know some upper middle class girls, from well connected families. They are very friendly and well educated. A pleasure to talk to, and not a one of them has any interest in dating a foreigner.

I know a couple guys, in Cebu, that have found some 'older' women that were the classic friends with benefits (older being in their 30's). That is very common in the US - not very common here.  It seems that a lot of the travel companions and friends with benefits usually involve some form of payment (gifts?). The family will not be involved as the girls will most likely never admit to the family what she is doing.

[chris49]

On ‎8‎/‎9‎/‎2016 at 4:35 PM, Domino22 said:

If you just want to date a girl a few times a week or so when does her relatives come after you for money? As a BF&GF is this an issue? I know as a gringo/farang this will always be an issue, but when you are brought into the family I see a problem. Now just dating where do you stand? I know marriage is a whole different thing so do not go there. That will not happen. I just would like some insight how this works? I also understand that I am a walking "Bank" in the PI per the local mind set but I am not going to retire there and support a family of 400! But would like to meet a dinner partner-travel friend and a little you know friend with benefits.

How old are you mate?

I have no idea of what your definition of dating is because that concept went out the door 15-20 years ago. You go out with a girl 2-3 times, you are already in a relationship. In a relationship means you are going to be exposed to some wider responsibilities. You either pick up on that or the relationship might fizzle out.

She invites you home or perhaps she suggests a trip to the province to meet the folks. If you are in for that, you are in for picking up the bill. The travel, the food, the drinks. It's up to you to decide at that point eg drinks. Better not even get started because it will snowball. But if she wants a big lunch for the family, you pay it, of course. They might offer accom in the family house, which could offset you expenses. You rough it for a few nights, it might even be fun.

Or you refuse and go back to your concept of dating.  Good luck if you find a beautiful, rich, college educated girl in full time employment. But for starters she is not going to be readily available for dating and she will definitely have other admirers even suitors.

Take a middle class or poorer girl and you are back to square one again. She herself will have other responsibilities, so you decide how to proceed.

It is normal in the Philippines to offer some kind of assistance to the girl, her family. It is up to you to limit that, but there must be some offering at some point in the relationship.

[Dave Hounddriver]

10 hours ago, Domino22 said:

But would like to meet a dinner partner-travel friend and a little you know friend with benefits.

It happens, but the people who usually do that kind of thing tend to sell ice cream in England in the summer, come here for the winters, get banned from most forums, and are generally frowned upon by many local expats. In fact they have developed a name for this kind of traveler: Sexpat

Edited August 10, 2016 by Dave Hounddriver

[OnMyWay]

52 minutes ago, chris49 said:

How old are you mate?

I have no idea of what your definition of dating is because that concept went out the door 15-20 years ago. You go out with a girl 2-3 times, you are already in a relationship. In a relationship means you are going to be exposed to some wider responsibilities. You either pick up on that or the relationship might fizzle out.

She invites you home or perhaps she suggests a trip to the province to meet the folks. If you are in for that, you are in for picking up the bill. The travel, the food, the drinks. It's up to you to decide at that point eg drinks. Better not even get started because it will snowball. But if she wants a big lunch for the family, you pay it, of course. They might offer accom in the family house, which could offset you expenses. You rough it for a few nights, it might even be fun.

Or you refuse and go back to your concept of dating.  Good luck if you find a beautiful, rich, college educated girl in full time employment. But for starters she is not going to be readily available for dating and she will definitely have other admirers even suitors.

Take a middle class or poorer girl and you are back to square one again. She herself will have other responsibilities, so you decide how to proceed.

It is normal in the Philippines to offer some kind of assistance to the girl, her family. It is up to you to limit that, but there must be some offering at some point in the relationship.

This was about what I was thinking.  Also, age is a factor.  If you are an older foreigner, the term "dating" takes on a different meaning than it does if the couple are both 20 year old Filipinos, especially with the family.  Filipinos are conservative in these matters.

[Gratefuled]

If you have any balls at all you would not make it an issue. You should feel free to deal with relatives as you see fit and not under pressure to buy their friendship. If you allow the girl to dictate how you spend your money then back to my first sentence. 

Remember THE GOLDEN RULE

Whoever has the GOLD makes the RULES.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

3 hours ago, Gratefuled said:

If you have any balls at all you would not make it an issue. You should feel free to deal with relatives as you see fit and not under pressure to buy their friendship. If you allow the girl to dictate how you spend your money then back to my first sentence. 

Remember THE GOLDEN RULE

Whoever has the GOLD makes the RULES.

Yeah, I made it very clear I was getting into a relationship with her, not her family. They asked for some money at first I told them flat-out "no". The requests quickly stopped.  My wife is in charge of our budget and she knows to tell them no as well.

[davewe]

16 hours ago, Domino22 said:

I know marriage is a whole different thing so do not go there. That will not happen. 

Good luck with this

I am guessing that there are plenty of expats, maybe even a few here, who started out with the "I'm not getting married" mantra, who are now happily wearing a ring. Filipinas can be very compelling!

I am equally sure that there are many expats living with a Filipina, but not legally married, but the girl tells everyone "he's my husband." 

Managing financial expectations is a different issue, but having the girl, her family and friends agree that you are just casually dating - that ain't happening.

Edited August 10, 2016 by davewe

[davewe]

4 hours ago, Gratefuled said:

Whoever has the GOLD makes the RULES.

Agree, but 1st they're all gonna have to weigh your pot 

[Hey Steve]

19 hours ago, Domino22 said:

.....would like to meet a dinner partner-travel friend and a little you know friend with benefits.

Dinner partners are usually concentrated in certain areas in the Philippines. If you search "Philippines" on You Tube and filter in "most viewed", I'm sure you will find those locations to meet your specs. All the best in your search in this mostly conservative country. Stay Safe!