How Borrowing Money Affects Relationships

[bows00]

I have heard many occasions where the Filipino family would ask to borrow money from a wealthy expat.  Although I'm still living the US, I want to take this opportunity to share an experience I had with a co-worker this past week...

It happened during a special lunch outing for work when this subject co-worker asked me to borrow $40 because he was short.  Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money.  And it is to the point where I see him differently now.  And don't get me wrong here, it is NOT about the money - I would have been better off just giving it to him as a gift.  But there is something about BORROWING... it's a promise that he's lied about with no intention of paying me back in the first place that gets under my skin.  Unfortunately, I work closely with this guy, and he has broken my trust, over a measly $40... 

So my message here is that borrowing money DOES affect relationships.  If you ever borrow from someone you value in a relationship, then pay them back as soon as possible. 

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

[Jack Peterson]

3 minutes ago, bows00 said:

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

This my friend is something that our loved ones family don't seem to Understand,  I feel for you as we can choose our Friends but not a Family and losing a Friend as it seems you have is a rotten thing to happen. each and every time something like this comes up my Wife learns more about the values we (the Foreigner) place on things non materialistic so to speak. 

[chris49]

19 hours ago, bows00 said:

I have heard many occasions where the Filipino family would ask to borrow money from a wealthy expat.  Although I'm still living the US, I want to take this opportunity to share an experience I had with a co-worker this past week...

It happened during a special lunch outing for work when this subject co-worker asked me to borrow $40 because he was short.  Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money.  And it is to the point where I see him differently now.  And don't get me wrong here, it is NOT about the money - I would have been better off just giving it to him as a gift.  But there is something about BORROWING... it's a promise that he's lied about with no intention of paying me back in the first place that gets under my skin.  Unfortunately, I work closely with this guy, and he has broken my trust, over a measly $40... 

So my message here is that borrowing money DOES affect relationships.  If you ever borrow from someone you value in a relationship, then pay them back as soon as possible. 

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

You are a rich guy. How come you are so mean? That kind of attitude, will put you in a poor light here in the Philippines.

Quoting you "In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

Talaga? Really?

Now as for your workmate who borrowed money, yes that's bad form. But I would not extrapolate that to the entire Philippines. I you do, good luck living here in the Philippines. You did say you might gift it to them, which is a good out clause to your statement.

Edited August 22, 2016 by chris49

[Mr. Bobo]

1 hour ago, bows00 said:

Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money. 

There is always the possibility that he has forgotten that he borrowed the money. Have you asked him about it?

[scott h]

3 hours ago, bows00 said:

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship

 

All I can say is "wait til you get here"

[Gratefuled]

I remember clearly my grandfather's response to a neighbor who came to borrow money..

It was early one morning and the neighbor politely asked grandpa if he had $5 that he could borrow. My grandfather took out his wallet and looked inside. He answered, " yes, I have $5 but I will not lend it to you". "why not?", the neighbor asked. My grandfather slowly put his wallet back in his pocket and answered, " it is better that you get angry with me because I do not lend it to you than for me to get angry with you because you do not pay me back". I'll never forget that answer. 

[Reboot]

3 hours ago, Mr. Bobo said:

There is always the possibility that he has forgotten that he borrowed the money. Have you asked him about it?

That in itself is a very bad sign. How can one forget he owes money to a friend?

[OnMyWay]

5 hours ago, bows00 said:

I have heard many occasions where the Filipino family would ask to borrow money from a wealthy expat.  Although I'm still living the US, I want to take this opportunity to share an experience I had with a co-worker this past week...

It happened during a special lunch outing for work when this subject co-worker asked me to borrow $40 because he was short.  Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money.  And it is to the point where I see him differently now.  And don't get me wrong here, it is NOT about the money - I would have been better off just giving it to him as a gift.  But there is something about BORROWING... it's a promise that he's lied about with no intention of paying me back in the first place that gets under my skin.  Unfortunately, I work closely with this guy, and he has broken my trust, over a measly $40... 

So my message here is that borrowing money DOES affect relationships.  If you ever borrow from someone you value in a relationship, then pay them back as soon as possible. 

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

I won't comment on the Filipino aspect of it, for now.

Have you asked or reminded the coworker about it?  Don't assume the worst without inquiring.  People make honest forgetful mistakes.  I have forgotten that I owed someone $10 or 20 lunch money, until they reminded me.  We used to borrow from each other a lot and it is easier to forget when you are doing that.

[bows00]

1 hour ago, OnMyWay said:

Have you asked or reminded the coworker about it?  Don't assume the worst without inquiring.  People make honest forgetful mistakes.  I have forgotten that I owed someone $10 or 20 lunch money, until they reminded me.  We used to borrow from each other a lot and it is easier to forget when you are doing that.

How can someone forget?  Whenever I borrow, if I ever do, I pay it right back.  That task goes to the top of my priorities... 

[Dave Hounddriver]

3 minutes ago, bows00 said:

How can someone forget?

When one borrows $40 from each of 20 people its easy to forget one or two