living with a separated filipina woman - possible problems with ex

[Old55]

I can’t think of one good reason you should meet your girlfriends husband. There’s many reasons not too. Just my opinion.

[OnMyWay]

2 hours ago, bastonjock said:

My gf got her husband busted for adultery , she went the legal route ,her uncle is a lawyer ,it's all been recorded in the supreme court ,she says she is separated and he has to hand over 50% of his salary

They are on.amicable terms ,i get to meet the guy next visit ,well see how that goes 

Gf has been quoted 150k for an annulment by a friend of her uncle (who is now the ombudsman)

IMHO...

You are outside the law.  She is still married.  It does not matter what he did or didn't do and what is recorded in the Supreme court (that sounds fishy).

The last thing you should do is show your face to the guy.

I'm not even sure adultery is grounds for annulment and annulment can take years.  More than 5 in my wife's case and she was lucky it was approved because physical abuse is not even grounds for annulment.

I know you said she was a great lady, but I think you are walking on thin ice!  Use lots of caution!

[Snowy79]

4 hours ago, bastonjock said:

My gf got her husband busted for adultery , she went the legal route ,her uncle is a lawyer ,it's all been recorded in the supreme court ,she says she is separated and he has to hand over 50% of his salary

They are on.amicable terms ,i get to meet the guy next visit ,well see how that goes 

Gf has been quoted 150k for an annulment by a friend of her uncle (who is now the ombudsman)

Insert a few expletives.  I'm sorry but you are walking into a minefield here.  I've lost count of the conversations I've had with locals and ex pats who have said " It's OK I know someone." Six months later they are up the creek without a paddle.  

She's even told you she's shafted her ex for half his wages so you know what she is capable of. You've also told us about all her contacts and her senior job.  I hope I'm wrong but I can see a nightmare unravelling.

There's no law in the Philippines that says a woman can commit adultery if her husband does it first.  Even if he did and 20 years later she gets a new partner she can still get prosecuted.

Please tell me this land and house you are building isn't in her name as her ex has a claim on any financial interests procured during marriage and she's still married.

You won't be the first foreigner to fall in love with a married women, build the new family home and then her husband moves in.  

[Mick]

53 minutes ago, Snowy79 said:

Insert a few expletives.  I'm sorry but you are walking into a minefield here.  I've lost count of the conversations I've had with locals and ex pats who have said " It's OK I know someone." Six months later they are up the creek without a paddle.  

She's even told you she's shafted her ex for half his wages so you know what she is capable of. You've also told us about all her contacts and her senior job.  I hope I'm wrong but I can see a nightmare unravelling.

There's no law in the Philippines that says a woman can commit adultery if her husband does it first.  Even if he did and 20 years later she gets a new partner she can still get prosecuted.

Please tell me this land and house you are building isn't in her name as her ex has a claim on any financial interests procured during marriage and she's still married.

You won't be the first foreigner to fall in love with a married women, build the new family home and then her husband moves in.  

Agree with the above, we had legal advice for 1 year before we even mentioned our intensions to her Ex, as said, anything bought during the still married / separated time he has legal rights too, and that can really bite you on the @ss when you least expect it, I have mentioned on other forums here about a friend of mine, it can turn very expensive to pay him off, clear the annulment first before investing any money, and also hope he does not already see you as his future financial ticket, as things were going in the right direction, and we wanted to build a couple of houses, we got him to sign a document with the lawyer that he had no claims on it now or in the future, as the annulment was in process, that would be my advice to get that document done Asap

Edited September 11, 2018 by Mick

[Snowy79]

I've just been talking to my partner about this as she has dealt with this already.  If your husband has abandoned you before you get involved with anyone you must go through the courts and get everything registered.  She goes to the womens desk in the municipality then onto the DSWD "Department of social welfare and development" if there are kids involved.  You then go to the legislative building to register the support for the kids and these provide you with a lawyer.  This lawyer pushes the case through the courts.  They also contact the agency for the partners employer. 

There are certain restrictions on what financial constraints are set against the husband as some employments are protected from the courts and family law.  Yes, she can make a claim against him for maintenance through the courts but he must either admit to his adultery or abandonment or she has solid evidence.  This will give her some protection for the future if she does find a partner.  She is still technically commiting adultery but the courts "SHOULD" view it leniently. 

The scary thing is as has been highlighted the husband still has claims on a share of everything.  She could be the loveliest, sweetest person in the World but all it takes is one of his friends to point out how wealthy he could be if you should accidentaly die.  It's not much of a retirement to paradise if everyday you have to look over your shoulder. 

[Jack Peterson]

2 minutes ago, Snowy79 said:

  It's not much of a retirement to paradise if everyday you have to look over your shoulder. 

 Agree with you there but it is what one would have to do in certain circumstances like this one 

[bastonjock]

How many expats have been busted for adultery ? ,we know that it's a risk ,but how many have had it happen to them ?

[RBM]

8 minutes ago, bastonjock said:

How many expats have been busted for adultery ? ,we know that it's a risk ,but how many have had it happen to them ?

I very much doubt any reliable stastics are available.  The reason this is so vigorously discussed is as an expat your a very good target. Even if the GFs ex is a fair minded guy for sure will be others pointing out what he can do and is entitled to.

As a side note during a chat with an attorney friend recently he mentioned this subject, and yes also for locals this remains a very risky area. As a foreigner we can expect no mercy or sympathy should the shit...hit the fan. As others have advised extream caution should be exercised,  the risks are real.

[Dave Hounddriver]

12 minutes ago, bastonjock said:

How many expats have been busted for adultery ?

 

34 minutes ago, RBM said:

the risks are real.

I confess I do not know of anyone who has been busted for adultery but I do know the risks are real.  No one knows this more than the Filipinas who have a possessive/jealous husband who refuses to allow them to see anyone else.  The extremes of "sneaking around" they go to beggars belief unless you have seen it.

The risks not only include being busted for adultery.  They include being shot, beaten, or extorted by an abusive husband who is separated from his wife but will not let her move on with her life.  If you want to try it I can give you a number  

[DavidK]

Well without wishing to go into any details I am aware of one who was arrested for "Abandonment & Adultery", (and no, it wasn't me). So it certainly can happen.