What is the deal with responsibility for lazy family members?

[bigpearl]

8 minutes ago, AlwaysRt said:

Thanks, me too. Just talked to him briefly a few minutes ago, still sounds very down because of it.

Maybe too late after 5 years of marriage and a plethora/bombardment of whims and unsuccessful negotiations, the wheels were set in motion years ago, can the tide be turned? Your mate AR, we love and share with true friends, advise well but subtly for your friend. Wish you well.

Cheers, Steve.

[stevewool]

1 hour ago, bigpearl said:

Maybe too late after 5 years of marriage and a plethora/bombardment of whims and unsuccessful negotiations, the wheels were set in motion years ago, can the tide be turned? Your mate AR, we love and share with true friends, advise well but subtly for your friend. Wish you well.

Cheers, Steve.

 

[stevewool]

I it's funny reading this,and what makes it funnier it's written by someone else and not me.

It is so hard  trying to understand how some people  are compared to how many of use was brought up, and here lies the problem.

Emma is the same about her  siblings and family in law's, to me some are lazy and its the men, but in her eyes they are unfortunate ..

I have no idea what I would do if I was in your shoes because it's to late now for you.

Maybe in my case at the beginning I had to give Emma the ultimatum, it's me or your family, and that hurt me saying those things, it has worked for us, we talk about what to send if there is something to send that is.

 

It's alright everybody saying this and that but when it comes down to it, it's down to yourself. Good luck in what ever you both decide to do.

Edited August 8, 2017 by stevewool
spelling

[bows00]

6 hours ago, AlwaysRt said:

He is capable but prefers hanging around my friend's house, free room and board, to going out and earning his own way.

As the old saying goes, "An eagle that doesn't leave the nest ends up becoming a turkey""  He needs that extra push to leave the nest.  Something magical happens when you live on your own and start paying your own bills.  You transition from boy to man.  And sometimes it takes guidance from a father figure that this "sister whipped" boy probably never had.  

Some call it tough love - i just call it love.  

[mogo51]

15 hours ago, bigpearl said:

Ha, and I thought I was the only one, not one but 2 kids and then the ex wife who whittled away for years while I paid the bills, (after divorce) eventually I learnt in Oz to say no with my flesh and blood, my better half knows the stories and agrees when we say no to his family, they don't ask these days because they all know the answer, get of your bum and achieve. Yes we help mum and dad annually and just contributed to one uncles funeral costs but only 10%.

We all work hard and achieve for our goals and comfort, not always or necessarily for the benefit or abuse by others, especially in situations like the OP's friend, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. And as Ron (Mogo) states, "NO" does work but takes a few of them. OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

We are brothers in arms Steve.  I made my position perfectly clear when we met and SO knows that I will not change. In the event of a genuine and severe case of difficulty, I may make a small donation as you say.

[JJReyes]

You are now residents of the Philippines. As such, the wealthier members of the family are responsible for taking care of the less fortunate. To do otherwise is culturally offensive. 

[AlwaysRt]

40 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

You are now residents of the Philippines. As such, the wealthier members of the family are responsible for taking care of the less fortunate. To do otherwise is culturally offensive. 

Aha!!! Click goes my brain! You may have just broke the code!

Yes, the disconnect seems to be the western definition of 'less fortunate' does NOT include the lazy but capable. The Filipino definition of 'less fortunate' apparently DOES include the lazy but capable. 99% of all the problems in this area seem to come from this specific item.

Then again, now that 'we broke the code' what do we do about it?

[Dave Hounddriver]

5 minutes ago, AlwaysRt said:

Then again, now that 'we broke the code' what do we do about it?

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he eats his own food, as long as you don't keep giving him fish for free. (Dave's adaptation)

Edited August 9, 2017 by Dave Hounddriver

[Jack Peterson]

Fair days pay for a fair days work is/ has been my Motto, I had a nephew her working last Sunday. at about 11.30 he got a Text, Hey man come to lunch we got beer, So I said well this is your culture so you had better go, and not lose face But Uncle you have only given me 1/2 the pay YEP! you are working only 1/2 day BUT Ante said 250 you gave me 125, YEP! 1/2 a days cash and you have left us in a mess. Grunt, Grunt, Grunt, oh well, will you pay my Tricycle fare? Culture? this type I think we can all do without.

 Jack

(late on Parade but) Morning All

[scott h]

58 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

To do otherwise is culturally offensive. 

Come on JJ. by that reasoning all Filipinos living in the States should love football, swear off lumpia and stop sending money and BB boxes back to the Philippines to their relatives

Edited August 9, 2017 by scott h