Please Help! Victim of Paternal Alienation

[acuario2015]

Hi, I am an American expat living in the Philippines. I have a son and daughter (ages 6 and 4) and they live with their mom in Manila. We were never married because of some complicated reasons - namely, she was already married to a Filipino before which I helped her pay for an annulment which I don't know if she ever had done or not. She was also very manipulative when she met me and hid the fact that she was married and had children from a previous marriage.

 

After 7 years, we ended the relationship very badly and I admit that I was not a perfect person and had my faults, but one thing I have always tried to do is be a good dad in terms of supporting my kids, being a good role model to them, and being a positive force in their lives. For my ex to completely deny me of my paternal rights to have any kind of relationship with my children is F&*C$*G evil to the core.

 

For the last two years, I have had very little contact with my children other than a few visitations where she allows me to take the kids to the game room in some SM mall. She is always dominating the situation because:

 

- She had always brainwashed me into believing that foreigners have no rights in this country and used this during our relationship to take advantage of me in every way possible

 

- She was a manipulative control freak during the relationship, would physically fight me like a man and she even stabbed me once. She would initiate fights and then call her family and barangay to come rescue her and she would play the victim. That behavior is never going to change even now that I have not lived with her since 2014.

 

- She feels that Philippine law is always on her side and her kababayans will always side with her - no matter how wrong she is or even if she is willing to tell lies about me in order to get her way. She always plays the "bad foreigner" card and people fall for her bs every time.

 

- She will tell lies and get her family members to back her up to say that I'm an alcoholic, deadbeat dad, abuser, criminal, or whatever she feels that people need to hear to take her side. I'm actually none of those things and why would you be with someone and have children with someone who is like that in the first place?

 

I have reported her to DSWD several times about her behavior and explained to the case worker and the director that she is alienating me from my children. She refuses to allow them to come to my house. She won't even reveal where she currently lives. She deleted me off FB and the only contact I have with her is by cell phone. She monitors the calls when I call the children and she has been coaching my son to resent me and call her new American boyfriend (who is now financially supporting her through MoneyGram and Western Union) to call him "dad". I text her every week to see my kids and she doesn't reply. I will call her phone and she will hang up the phone when she hears my voice.

 

She never had a job since the time I met her and I realize that she was only using me for financial support and whatever personal gain she could get from her and her family. I was that walking ATM target expats are always talking about. She is one of those Filipinas who targets foreigners after her first marriage with a Filipino failed and no other Filipino dude wants to go near that.

 

I really didn't realize what kind of person I was dealing with and I guess most expats don't because you are blinded by beauty, false kindness and love, and hustle game manipulation by a lot of these females in the Philippines. When we broke up, or shall I say, when I ran away from her abuse and nonsense while barefoot, she made sure to steal everything I owned to include all the cash in my bank accounts, every personal item I had in the Philippines, EVERYTHING.

 

She forced me to be homeless and start my whole life over from scratch. When I ran away from her, I only had my passport and 300 pesos in my pocket. Her family was threatening to kill me and I walked 5 kms from my apartment in Manila to Roxas Blvd to the US Embassy to ask for help. Not only are there no Americans working there, but the one Fil-AM a$%ho!& who works for the embassy responded and said he would give me a phonecall and told me to go sleep at the church across the street.

 

If Donald Trump wants to make America great again, he needs to start by firing every single one of those @$$h0!@$ who work in US Embassy Manila because I can tell you from firsthand experience (on several occasions) that the people who work there in American Citizen Services are truly worthless and do not support Americans. They just show up to collect a paycheck and most of them are locals who do not even know how to address American issues properly.

 

Last time I went there to apply for my kid's citizenship, the lady behind the glass gets on the loudspeaker and says,"WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR WIFE?!". Umm lady, that's none of your fkn business and I don't think you should be asking me this over a loudspeaker with 50 other people in the room.

 

DSWD is a total joke and a waste of taxpayer time and money. They do absolutely nothing. The social worker called my ex on her cell phone and asked if the alienation was going on. My ex lied and said no, so they took no action at all. WTF is that? The director sent me a long-written memorandum saying they have no funds, their hands are tied, and that I need to hire a lawyer. WTF? I thought Filipinos make family issues a first priority. I guess killing shabu addicts and Muslims in Mindanao is more important.

 

I avoided this advice because:

 

1. I have had some bad experiences with lawyers for other unrelated issues in Manila and some of them act like licensed criminals

2. I feel like it shouldn't be a financial burden just to exercise my universal rights to spend some quality time with my children

 

I've realized now that I'm not going to get anywhere without a lawyer. After reading all of this, I would appreciate any help or advice you can provide. I would like to hear from someone else who has experienced paternal alienation in the Philippines and has actually been able to fight back successfully.

 

If you can refer me to a non-scummy lawyer in Manila who is not out to get his hands in my pockets and has experience with family law, I would greatly appreciate it. Please help me stop this manipulative, vindictive, malicious woman from denying my rights as a father and making every effort she can to ruin my life and my children's future with her psychotic behavior. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[Lou49]

You are not gonna win this one. Walk away.

[robert k]

Walk, hell! Run. Leave no forwarding address. I'm all in favor of people taking care of their kids but your kids are probably off with extended family while your ex is trying to land the next sucker and little to nothing you send is going to reach them. You are finished.

If you could find her husband, he might could help you out. Kids would be pretty solid evidence of adultery if you needed leverage. Of course if you start playing by their rules, they might jump to assassins on a motorcycle, be aware.

As for the embassy? What did you expect them to do? Loan you money? Personally I think the embassy should let you use the phone to call someone, friend or family to bail you out. The other activities I would endorse are registration of birth abroad and making sure you get due process under the local laws and that your human rights aren't violated. US laws don't apply in the Philippines, any redress you find will be under Philippine law and you should have been aware of that before you entered the Philippines.

Not that I don't have sympathy but this is a life lesson you paid full price for and I don't want to cheat you out of the full effect. I hope things get better for you. I'm glad you came here for advise. I wish you had come before things got really bad. There are probably several members who have been where you are and if I were you, I would listen to how they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, victory defined as living a good life from the point of disaster, on. Welcome to the forum.

[expatuk2014]

Sorry to hear about this, but its part of the risk you take when marrying a Filipina.

I agree with others here you need to walk away, far far away.

As if this woman and her family know you have money they

Will look for you using all the excuses they can to get your money.

Bearing in mind the Filipino will always be the winner here.

Another point mate is you really need to get far away from where the pair of you lived as another thing these woman do is tell other woman about you, so you could soon be chatted up by one of her friends..

 

Edited August 14, 2017 by expatuk2014

[stevewool]

Eyes wide open springs to mind, plus there is always two sides to a story, good luck is all I can offer.

[Kuya John]

Juan Luckey...welcome to the forum

Sound advice being given here, although I would question how you have survive this far according to your story.

Nothing I can add to what's been said so far , personally I would be on the next flight back to the US.

Good luck

[MikeB]

10 hours ago, Juan Luckey said:

Last time I went there to apply for my kid's citizenship, the lady behind the glass gets on the loudspeaker and says,"WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR WIFE?!". Umm lady, that's none of your fkn business and I don't think you should be asking me this over a loudspeaker with 50 other people in the room.

 

 

 

 

It is their business, they have the say-so to decide citizenship and visas. They see fraud every day, it's their job to try and weed it out by asking simple questions like that and looking for signs of deception. And you're exaggerating a bit; it's an intercom, not a loudspeaker, so they can hear you because they're behind bars and glass. And you can't hear them unless they want you to. They have total control. But yes, everyone in the immediate area can hear it but everyone there has their own issues, they're probably not interested in yours.

I would like to hear the other side of this but agree with the others. You're not married to her and she probably didn't get the annulment with the money you gave for it so she's probably still married to the 1st one.  And she's right, you have little to no rights there. There's plenty of lawyers to take your money but unless she cooperates you're throwing it away.  If it's as you say it's a sad and hopeless situation. 

[mogo51]

Firstly welcome to the forum, although a shame it is not under more pleasant circumstances.  I cannot add much to my fellow member's advice here.  

Whilst it may be difficult, you have no option other than to make a new life for yourself and hopefully learn from your experiences.

[Reboot]

22 hours ago, Juan Luckey said:

 

Hi, I am an American expat living in the Philippines. I have a son and daughter (ages 6 and 4) and they live with their mom in Manila. We were never married because of some complicated reasons - namely, she was already married to a Filipino before which I helped her pay for an annulment which I don't know if she ever had done or not. She was also very manipulative when she met me and hid the fact that she was married and had children from a previous marriage.

 

After 7 years, we ended the relationship very badly and I admit that I was not a perfect person and had my faults, but one thing I have always tried to do is be a good dad in terms of supporting my kids, being a good role model to them, and being a positive force in their lives. For my ex to completely deny me of my paternal rights to have any kind of relationship with my children is F&*C$*G evil to the core.

 

For the last two years, I have had very little contact with my children other than a few visitations where she allows me to take the kids to the game room in some SM mall. She is always dominating the situation because:

 

- She had always brainwashed me into believing that foreigners have no rights in this country and used this during our relationship to take advantage of me in every way possible

 

- She was a manipulative control freak during the relationship, would physically fight me like a man and she even stabbed me once. She would initiate fights and then call her family and barangay to come rescue her and she would play the victim. That behavior is never going to change even now that I have not lived with her since 2014.

 

- She feels that Philippine law is always on her side and her kababayans will always side with her - no matter how wrong she is or even if she is willing to tell lies about me in order to get her way. She always plays the "bad foreigner" card and people fall for her bs every time.

 

- She will tell lies and get her family members to back her up to say that I'm an alcoholic, deadbeat dad, abuser, criminal, or whatever she feels that people need to hear to take her side. I'm actually none of those things and why would you be with someone and have children with someone who is like that in the first place?

 

I have reported her to DSWD several times about her behavior and explained to the case worker and the director that she is alienating me from my children. She refuses to allow them to come to my house. She won't even reveal where she currently lives. She deleted me off FB and the only contact I have with her is by cell phone. She monitors the calls when I call the children and she has been coaching my son to resent me and call her new American boyfriend (who is now financially supporting her through MoneyGram and Western Union) to call him "dad". I text her every week to see my kids and she doesn't reply. I will call her phone and she will hang up the phone when she hears my voice.

 

She never had a job since the time I met her and I realize that she was only using me for financial support and whatever personal gain she could get from her and her family. I was that walking ATM target expats are always talking about. She is one of those Filipinas who targets foreigners after her first marriage with a Filipino failed and no other Filipino dude wants to go near that.

 

I really didn't realize what kind of person I was dealing with and I guess most expats don't because you are blinded by beauty, false kindness and love, and hustle game manipulation by a lot of these females in the Philippines. When we broke up, or shall I say, when I ran away from her abuse and nonsense while barefoot, she made sure to steal everything I owned to include all the cash in my bank accounts, every personal item I had in the Philippines, EVERYTHING.

 

She forced me to be homeless and start my whole life over from scratch. When I ran away from her, I only had my passport and 300 pesos in my pocket. Her family was threatening to kill me and I walked 5 kms from my apartment in Manila to Roxas Blvd to the US Embassy to ask for help. Not only are there no Americans working there, but the one Fil-AM a$%ho!& who works for the embassy responded and said he would give me a phonecall and told me to go sleep at the church across the street.

 

If Donald Trump wants to make America great again, he needs to start by firing every single one of those @$$h0!@$ who work in US Embassy Manila because I can tell you from firsthand experience (on several occasions) that the people who work there in American Citizen Services are truly worthless and do not support Americans. They just show up to collect a paycheck and most of them are locals who do not even know how to address American issues properly.

 

Last time I went there to apply for my kid's citizenship, the lady behind the glass gets on the loudspeaker and says,"WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR WIFE?!". Umm lady, that's none of your fkn business and I don't think you should be asking me this over a loudspeaker with 50 other people in the room.

 

DSWD is a total joke and a waste of taxpayer time and money. They do absolutely nothing. The social worker called my ex on her cell phone and asked if the alienation was going on. My ex lied and said no, so they took no action at all. WTF is that? The director sent me a long-written memorandum saying they have no funds, their hands are tied, and that I need to hire a lawyer. WTF? I thought Filipinos make family issues a first priority. I guess killing shabu addicts and Muslims in Mindanao is more important.

 

I avoided this advice because:

 

1. I have had some bad experiences with lawyers for other unrelated issues in Manila and some of them act like licensed criminals

2. I feel like it shouldn't be a financial burden just to exercise my universal rights to spend some quality time with my children

 

I've realized now that I'm not going to get anywhere without a lawyer. After reading all of this, I would appreciate any help or advice you can provide. I would like to hear from someone else who has experienced paternal alienation in the Philippines and has actually been able to fight back successfully.

 

If you can refer me to a non-scummy lawyer in Manila who is not out to get his hands in my pockets and has experience with family law, I would greatly appreciate it. Please help me stop this manipulative, vindictive, malicious woman from denying my rights as a father and making every effort she can to ruin my life and my children's future with her psychotic behavior. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

I feel your pain. You may not have legal options. The odds against you are maybe a million to juan. But you have rights that transcend the law. Unlike some who think inside the box, you have other options. There are always other options. It depends on how important this is to you, your risk tolerance, and testicular fortitude.

I am no legal expert here. But as I've learned with latin america, odds in turd world countries can be tipped by a proper show of re$pect to the relevant authorities. You have your dignity as a man and a father that must be respected and defended, if that's your choice. Therefore there are other options. Filipinos are experts at these things.  I don't need to go into detail. Some might consider to go native an option. People like to feel safe. As the pope once said, "who am I to judge?"

Edited August 14, 2017 by Reboot

[bastonjock]

it isnt just the phils where stuff like this happens ,it happens in every country ,ive got friends who are alienated from their children,but as it has allready been said ,there are two sides to a story and by your own admission ,you were not the perfect husband. the bad news is that your going to have to talk to a lawyer ,but thats a risk also. the whole thing sounds like its too hot a situation for you to be able to come to a rational desision ,i felt so angry during my divorce that i was a real danger to my ex wife ,it took time ,months infact  before i was able to go to our house without my angry head on , take a step back if you can and let time calm you down it bit before you make any rash descisions ,its not easy ,believe me i know