Are all families the same

[Clermont]

Who said you were culture sensitive Jake.

[Jake]

Just now, Clermont said:

Who said you were culture sensitive Jake.

Ha.....my sensitivity is a secret.  Only my wife knows where my G spot is......he, he.  

[Lou49]

42 minutes ago, Jake said:

We realize that you are a highly educated man with compassion and patience.  Since you like to read, I believe the writing is on the wall -- right in front of you.  The problem however, is an emotional one.  Unfortunately dealing with extended family issues, sometimes you have to throw logic out the window.  I'm talking about your lovely wife Emma.  She is caught between her deep obligation to her family and to her husband.  I can really feel her pain and anguish.  

There are no easy solutions here.  I believe we all faced these issues with the extended family and one solution may not work for another expat.  But look at your last sentence Steve.  Sooner or later, you must make a command decision, as you sit down with a heart to heart discussion with Emma.  Do you really want more stress during your golden years?  Will you be stressed out whenever there is a knock at the door or another phone call from the in laws?  How does one handle stress anyway?  

Bottom line.....I look for another distant place to retire, possibly on another island.  Pursue you hobby as a photographer and watch the sunrise come into view.  After all, don't you deserve a peaceful retirement that you work so hard for?  Respectfully Jake  

Sometimes moving to another island is not enough. The family can still reach out thru text messages or facebook. The best solution is a firm no. Wala quarta !.  Ask me how I know.

Edited November 5, 2017 by Lou49

[stevewool]

6 hours ago, mogo51 said:

Not sure I agree.  Steve has not even got to the Philippines and already the vultures are hovering.  If he wants to protect what he has achieved from years of hard work, he may have to have a mind rethink.

I understand what you are saying Ron, but the Philippines is such a vast place , even Emma did mention that where the family house is now before you could see lots of green places and even caribou walking down the road into the fields, but its all been built over.

I am sure we could find our little piece of paradise somewhere.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

We built a very small house on a family compound. Which is against the common expat 2 island rule ha ha.  It is only 45 sq meters, and under $7,000 USD. We have lived in it 2 years so far, so it is almost paid for in rent savings, as far as I am concerned. I am doing fine here, but now my wife says she wants to move farther from the family. She is tired of the drama and money problems.  I assured I have no money problem. When i hear the sob stories I politely nod, and mumble a few "hmm, that is too bad, bummer" but I volunteer nothing. They won't ask me for money, but they do seem to bother her.  I tried to tell her if we moved farther away - they would still have her phone number. 

I guess it is easier to say no in text than in person?

I have an expat friend here in town that has a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house. They just spent tons of money upgrading it... and now the wife wants to get away from family.  Maybe the 2 island rule is a good idea. 

[Dave Hounddriver]

1 minute ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

We have lived in it 2 years so far

 

1 minute ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

Maybe the 2 island rule is a good idea. 

 

Ah yes, that's the problem with a lot of the advice given on forums like this one.  We members come here, to Philippines, and do not follow the advice we got here.   Often everything works great for 2, 3, 5, even 10 years before we start thinking we should have done it different.  Then we try to pass on that good advice to the next guy and wonder why he won't listen either 

 

In a couple of cases some friends did everything our members advise against for 15 years.  They think they are smarter than the rest and all the advice is bull, and then they get assassinated (thinking of my friends Gene and Henk).  The general advice given on the forum is good and true.  It just takes some people longer than others to come to that realization.  And ya know what?  Most of us have gone against the advice we got on this (and other forums) and screwed up big time, but we are still here.  Perhaps poorer but wiser.

[stevewool]

As always great advice from friends and members, and just like you say, we  dont know it all but it cannot be as bad as some make out " can it".

You make your bed and you lie in it the saying goes, and i bet it must work well for the few who do go against the flow.

I am taking a pinch of advice from many and a lot of advice from a few and that way i think it should work out well, but Emma will have the last word to a certain extent , " well i shall let her think that" because i am sure that is what she does to me .

Not there yet so lots more to ask and complain about, will i get kicked out of the drinking party if i start to moan about this and that.

[davewe]

13 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

 

 

Ah yes, that's the problem with a lot of the advice given on forums like this one.  We members come here, to Philippines, and do not follow the advice we got here.   Often everything works great for 2, 3, 5, even 10 years before we start thinking we should have done it different.  Then we try to pass on that good advice to the next guy and wonder why he won't listen either 

 

In a couple of cases some friends did everything our members advise against for 15 years.  They think they are smarter than the rest and all the advice is bull, and then they get assassinated (thinking of my friends Gene and Henk).  The general advice given on the forum is good and true.  It just takes some people longer than others to come to that realization.  And ya know what?  Most of us have gone against the advice we got on this (and other forums) and screwed up big time, but we are still here.  Perhaps poorer but wiser.

As a writer (well I used to be) one of my favorite quotes is from Billy Wilder; "Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's."

The key is not just following all the advise on a forum such as this one or choosing to follow none of it. Maturity is knowing yourself well enough to know which pieces of advise work for you, and which poster resonates with your way of living. 

I discovered the Philippines and Filipina women through a very different forum than this one, that shall go nameless. The place was populated by nuts and genuinely damaged men. But there was still good information there about dating and living in other countries. There was one guy whose attitude resonated with me. I messaged him, started a friendship and sought his advise. A month later I met him and his Filipina wife and decided right there and then that that's what I wanted. Two years later he walked my wife down the aisle. 

Back to a writing analogy. A while back I was a wannabe screenwriter and actually had a script with producers trying to get it made. Four producers with conflicting tastes and agendas gave me "notes." That's what they call it in Hollywood - "notes." And it ain't advise; they want you to do it. Generally the advise between the 4 conflicted and in fact generally the "notes" sucked. I had to choose how to deal with 4 producers with credits as long as my arm whose opinions conflicted radically. Sometimes I chose to explain why some of their notes didn't in my opinion work; other times I blew them off. The next draft of the script might contain 10% of the ideas. Generally no one complained, either because they had forgotten their bullshit ideas or because with each draft the script kept improving.

In the end there are some people on this very forum whose opinions and advise I take seriously. There are others I wouldn't listen to if they said the sun rose in the east. Ultimately it's my life and my mistakes might as well be my own. BTW, I say all this with affection and respect for all on this forum, many of whom have become friends. 

And yes, I realize none of this has anything to do with the topic at hand. Sorry!

 

[Dave Hounddriver]

18 minutes ago, davewe said:

I realize none of this has anything to do with the topic at hand. Sorry!

Nicely said.

EDIT:  I meant the whole post was nicely said, not just the little bit I quoted for brevity.

Edited November 5, 2017 by Dave Hounddriver

[Dave Hounddriver]

1 hour ago, stevewool said:

I am sure we could find our little piece of paradise somewhere

From what you write, you already have.  Anywhere Emma is you will find your little piece of paradise.