A new long distance relationship - Is it worth it?

[AlwaysRt]

I have a friend, yes a real one not a hypothetical wink wink made up one, who is conflicted about having a long distance relationship. 

Background - We met while serving together in the military back in 1990, he is now 50 and works close to where he grew up in the USA. A good honest guy with no particular 'issues', interested in a relationship vs 'messing around'. Did not retire from the military so needs to stay working/not able to retire yet. Has found the saying 'the good ones are already taken' applies to the local dating market however his brother and sister-in-law advise him to continue looking local vs me introducing him to a Filipina.

The Filipina I introduced him to is an OFW in her 30s, has built a house here in the Phils, interested only in long term relationship, only available because she caught her Filipino boyfriend cheating on her. She is one of my wife's cousins (so we know her and that she is a 'good girl'.)

My friend was planning on visiting in April but had to cancel due to work, my wife's cousin was returning in April to stay but since he canceled she will only stay for a visit then go back for a year. This pushes their ability to get to know each other in person to April 2019 (unless he makes a trip just to visit her for a few hours on her one day a week off - not the best use of limited funds).

They are attracted to each other and have enjoyed talking to each other the last 6 months but now have another year to wait to meet. Why should or shouldn't they continue in a long distance relationship? How has it worked out for you or someone you know? Any advice for him? (I am sending him this link, hopefully he joins the forum so he can answer any questions directly)

[sonjack2847]

He is 50 so I think one more year at that age is not too long a wait.They can Skype and keep in touch and who knows where it will go. He does have the advantage that you know the girl quite well and at least she has a good job which (in some cases) is be a plus.Give it a go I say.

[Old55]

I agree with Kevin on all points. 

There is great value if they both could meet even for a few days. 

[AlwaysRt]

7 minutes ago, Old55 said:

I agree with Kevin on all points. 

There is great value if they both could meet even for a few days. 

She has the typical OFW work schedule. Only off on Sundays, there is no 'meet me after work' during the week like they could do in the US. 

[stevewool]

Myself and Emma was talking for over 2.5 years before we meet in person, yes we had the phone calls and the skype and look at us now, so much in love and i must say we have found our perfect match.

It can be very hard with the time difference and if someone is busy and the other one is waiting for the call, and trying to cram everything you are wanting to say in such a short time, then once you have put the phone down you remember something else you wanted to say.

But if you are both willing to be girlfriend / boyfriend and be committed  to each other well go for it.

[bows00]

Long distance relationships don' t work, period.  I am speaking from experience.  It's hard enough when the long distance relationship is within your country.  I wasted 5 years in dead end relationship where I was involved with a Delta flight attendant that was stationed in the states.  She has family here in Hawaii so she flew back quite often, at least once per month.  In the beginning, I thought this was an ideal situation where it would always feel fresh and new every time we met.  

But the relationship never grew out of the honeymoon stage, and that in it's self is a dead end situation.  Relationships need to grow like anything else in life.  It eventually goes stale.  

[scott h]

6 minutes ago, bows00 said:

Long distance relationships don' t work, period.

My dear ole Dad told me once "Son, never say NEVER. your just asking to be proved wrong"

My wife and I corresponded by snail mail for 2 years, talked on the phone twice a month (if I could afford it).  Snuck her into the states on a tourist visa, got married in Vegas 18 hours after we met. Lets see, that was almost 24 years ago. 

[bows00]

8 minutes ago, scott h said:

My dear ole Dad told me once "Son, never say NEVER. your just asking to be proved wrong"

Your right, there are those rare occurrences.  But I know the odds are not good.  So why set yourself up for a bad situation?  Getting older, you should have more life experiences to make wiser decisions.  Personally, I don't even bother with on-line dating.  I will wait until I officially retire (12/31/17) and wait till I move there in February.  Yes, nothing beats boots on the ground.  

[scott h]

8 minutes ago, bows00 said:

 But I know the odds are not good.

[OnMyWay]

1 hour ago, bows00 said:

Long distance relationships don' t work, period.  I am speaking from experience.  It's hard enough when the long distance relationship is within your country.  I wasted 5 years in dead end relationship where I was involved with a Delta flight attendant that was stationed in the states.  She has family here in Hawaii so she flew back quite often, at least once per month.  In the beginning, I thought this was an ideal situation where it would always feel fresh and new every time we met.  

But the relationship never grew out of the honeymoon stage, and that in it's self is a dead end situation.  Relationships need to grow like anything else in life.  It eventually goes stale.  

I think your example is a bit different than the OP friend situation.  They have not met in person yet.  Yes, an LDR like you described is difficult.

 

3 hours ago, AlwaysRt said:

My friend was planning on visiting in April but had to cancel due to work, my wife's cousin was returning in April to stay but since he canceled she will only stay for a visit then go back for a year. This pushes their ability to get to know each other in person to April 2019 (unless he makes a trip just to visit her for a few hours on her one day a week off - not the best use of limited funds).

I'm confused on where she is and the travel involved for them to meet.

In any case, he is the only one that can decide if the relationship is worth the extra time.  If he has a strong feeling about her, then waiting longer will help determine if there is something real.  As others said, many spend years being "penpals" or online friends before meeting.  Sometimes that is the way it is.