A new long distance relationship - Is it worth it?

[expatuk2014]

Well it worked for me and my now Filipino wife !

I was divorced and my son was living with me.

I had spoken to several woman on line inc 3 from the Philippines.

It was the year 2001 in November

I was on a site called Friendfinder and actually was about to log off .

When i saw a my wifes  profile ,no photo just here age and location.

2 of her office staff got her to online 

I sent her a message and the rest is history.

We married in 2002 in April, she worked for the Government as a Manager

For the Dept of Agrarian Reform and so had to sort out things

Before she could join me in the UK, which she did in August 2002.

We retired here to to Philippines in 2011.

And we are still very much in love

[sonjack2847]

2 hours ago, bows00 said:

Long distance relationships don' t work, period.  I am speaking from experience. 

It didn`t work for you but it has and does for many people me included.Actually a lot of my friends are still in LDRs and it is working for them.One man`s meat is another man`s poison,one cap doesn`t fit all.

[Dave Hounddriver]

6 hours ago, AlwaysRt said:

How has it worked out for you

Ten years ago, I was in a 9 month LDR and it was the basis for my first visit to Philippines.  However, by the time I had booked the plane and asked her to get us a hotel room she told me about another foreigner she had been seeing.  She said that he was "here" and I wasn't.  There are many sayings that apply.  She thought "A bird in the hand was worth 2 in the bush".  If you think that "one man's meat is another man's poison" you have to realize that most meat turns poison when left out on the shelf in heat for many months.

[AlwaysRt]

2 hours ago, bows00 said:

Your right, there are those rare occurrences.  But I know the odds are not good.  So why set yourself up for a bad situation?  Getting older, you should have more life experiences to make wiser decisions.  Personally, I don't even bother with on-line dating.  I will wait until I officially retire (12/31/17) and wait till I move there in February.  Yes, nothing beats boots on the ground.  

Don't work, period, is a pretty large extrapolation from a sample size of one. Question, what is the harm in trying? As long as there is not a financial aspect to it, what is the harm in talking to someone vs waiting? If it doesn't work out, nothing lost and you would probably pick up a few words and maybe some ideas of places to visit at a minimum.

1 hour ago, OnMyWay said:

I'm confused on where she is and the travel involved for them to meet.

I am trying to walk the line between giving enough information and keeping their privacy. She is an OFW, Overseas Filipina Worker (still in Asia but not in the Phils), and gets a vacation once a year. Other than that she lives with the family and is only allowed out on her own on Sundays. He would have to fly from the US to where she is working and only be able to see her a few hours on a couple Sundays. Too costly to add plane tickets to come to the Phils so I could show him around during the week.

The original plan was she was coming back to the Phils for good this April '18 and he was coming here also. They would have had a couple weeks together. Crap happened at his work and they are sending him for certification in another position, knocking out his vacation plans. Since he is not coming she accepted another year contract overseas so he can't just move his travel back a couple months because she won't be back in the Phils until April '19 now. (She isn't the type to ask him for money so she can sit around waiting for him).

[Old55]

You provided more that enough information. I hope they can find true happiness someday in the future.

[Mike J]

5 hours ago, bows00 said:

Long distance relationships don' t work, period.  I am speaking from experience

Long distance relationships do work, period.  I am speaking from experience.    (except of course those that do not )

In my opinion they should go for it.  A distance relationship allows you to get to know the person WITHOUT the endorphin and chemistry that you would likely feel when meeting for a romantic vacation.  Nothing at all wrong with romance but I think most people would agree that initially it can prevent you from seeing potential problems and viewing the person through rose colored glasses.  Men have a tendency to think with the "little head" and women have a tendency to say "I can fix that in him".   If both parties are open and honest during the long distance communication, the actual meeting should mostly be to see if do they match the perception that they have built over time and are they physically attracted to one another.  Just MOP of course, but it worked for me.

[OnMyWay]

3 hours ago, AlwaysRt said:

I am trying to walk the line between giving enough information and keeping their privacy.

Yes, understand.  And I didn't want too much detail but it makes a big difference on the region.  Asia is much different than the middle east, where there are a lot of OFWs.

 

1 hour ago, Mike J said:

In my opinion they should go for it.

I agree!

Edited December 28, 2017 by OnMyWay

[JDDavao II]

My wife and I met by complete accident while I was trying out a new webcam on a (now defunct) video chat site. She was bored while in Manila and was just entertaining herself. If you've ever been on even a "clean" video chat site like that one, you know how rough the men are because they think they're anonymous. Well, here was my lovely someday wife giving those idiots both barrels and a boot in the butt out the door.

That started over two years of daily video chat before and after I visited in 2008.

But it depends on the person. Long-distance isn't easy.

[Kuya John]

Interesting subject and answer's

I think another year of communication will be a good testing ground for both of them.

Back when I started my LDR with my wife we didn't have the advantage of video links, yet when

we met for the first time in person we both felt so comfortable in each other's company.

Your friend sounds like a decent  guy, I wish him all the luck in the world, hope they both find happiness.

 

 

[Jollygoodfellow]

8 hours ago, expatuk2014 said:

When i saw a my wifes  profile ,no photo just here age and location.

Must have been a shock to see your wife on a dating site.  Yes I know