A new long distance relationship - Is it worth it?

[Kuya John]

20 minutes ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

Must have been a shock to see your wife on a dating site.  Yes I know 

JGF.........I don't know what's got into you lately

[Mr-T]

Way back in 1999 i met my now wife through a snail mail dating site. Actually the site advertised my ad in buy and sell news paper here in the Ph. I got about 200 responses (letters). The first letter i opened was a picture of this beautiful young filipina. Actually she was 25 yrs. old at the time. My heart skipped a beat and i thought to myself no way will this lady marry me. 

We corresponded by snail mail and phone for 2.5 years before i came to Manila to meet her. We were quite comfortable with each other as we did actually knew a lot about each other by then. Now 17 yrs. later we been married for 15 yrs. and one child.

LDR. can work.

Edited December 28, 2017 by Mr-T
Too much spacing.

[Jack Peterson]

38 minutes ago, Mr-T said:

LDR. can work.

 PH Yes my friend I quite agree but you have to work at it and sometimes we all need to read between the lines every now and then 

 

[BrettGC]

My LDR is still going strong... Ultimately I see it as my firewall.  

I wonder if it's a Filipina thing that makes them work.  I had one with a lady from the US, we met when I was living there, Western woman.  Long story but suffice it to say she didn't have the patience waiting for me to regain entry to move back full time again.  

SAO and I have had many ups and downs, including a long-term break-up (3 years) but here we are happier than ever.  To me the real test will come when we are together permanently 

So at the risk of stereotyping there does seem to be a pattern there; well among my friends and colleagues anyway.

[davewe]

As to the general value proposition of LDRs (aka, can they work) I think if you polled the members here you would find that a high percentage started their relationships (married, living together, etc.) as LDRs, myself included. I also knew 100+ Fil-Am couples back in the US, 95% of which started as LDRs. So clearly it can work.

Now, as to the original story, my only concern is the fact that they have not met nor can they meet for another year and a half. While it's still worth pursuing, and several members mentioned they didn't meet their wives for several years, I think the longer it continues as just a cyberspace relationship the more problematic it becomes. But I would still encourage the guy to go for it. He many end up with the girl or he may meet someone else along the way. But the alternative (do nothing or try for a Western woman) has even worse chances of success.

Edited December 29, 2017 by davewe

[expatuk2014]

23 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Ten years ago, I was in a 9 month LDR and it was the basis for my first visit to Philippines.  However, by the time I had booked the plane and asked her to get us a hotel room she told me about another foreigner she had been seeing.  She said that he was "here" and I wasn't.  There are many sayings that apply.  She thought "A bird in the hand was worth 2 in the bush".  If you think that "one man's meat is another man's poison" you have to realize that most meat turns poison when left out on the shelf in heat for many months.

In respect , you also have to look at it from the Filipina womans point of view.

My wife for example only told her Family and close friends she was getting married !

In case i never turned up ! Yes we had spoken on online on skype , every day since we found each other

And i knew she was the one for me.

Can you image a Filipina with her family waiting to meet you at the airport and you dont arrive ?

This happens here a lot !

On our wedding day my wifes office mate phoned one of her co workers who was actually at the office

Fun day and when it was announced my wife was now married a big cheer went up.

We have been happily married now for 15 years the last 6 years here in the Philippines !

So yes long Distance romance does work .

 

[Snowy79]

There's obviously plenty of LDR working but I'm one of those that have my issues with them. Not from my side but from experience of some of the women I know that are involved in them. 

I've only been living here for about 10 months but I'm learning more every day. Prior to coming out here I used dating sites more as a way to gain information on the Philippines and to get a taste of the cultural differenes. 

I noticed a few women were on many different  sites with different names. Many were just to keen to bag a partner without really knowing me, this obviously got me asking what their motives were. 

On arrival here I've met a few girls as partners and friends. Some are bar girls with different guys every day and most have long term boyfriends or fiancees in other countries. Many are keeping a few long term boyfriends on the go. 

I've also seen first hand how good some are at lying to get money out of people, from family members rushed into hospital needing instant funds to deaths in the family. My last two experiences was a friend giving a girl 6,000 peso for hospital tests. She even sent him copies of invoices. It turned out she was away for a week with another boyfriend and no where near any hospital. The other one wanted money from me ( loan lol ) as she was visiting her sister for a week and wanted to pay her way. She said she was going to Manila. I refused and after she left I was getting my usual Facebook updates and there she was on the beach in Boracay with some guy. 

It's a minefield out there. If you are put onto a partner via a friends family you may be in with more of a chance but in today's technological era I find a lot of women treat relationships like mobile phones. They want the latest and best model. I think the amount of guys getting ripped off compared to those with stable relationships is testament to how hard LDR are. 

[Jack Peterson]

2 minutes ago, Snowy79 said:

It's a minefield out there. If you are put onto a partner via a friends family you may be in with more of a chance 

Hmmmm yes to a degree but I have seen it twice this year where it still went wrong, mainly because the Family Lady member based her own wants on what the Foreigner (Introducing) had and they both wanted the same as the Sister in one case and the cousin in another. The new men just did not have what my friend had and caused many rifts, We are all different with different circumstances and there can lie a problem with introducing Family or even close friends, That want what we have and in time the relationship goes sour then, guess whos fault that will be ?

[Snowy79]

2 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 in time the relationship goes sour then, guess whos fault that will be ?

A good reason why I would never recommend a partner to anyone. I'm sure we have all had partners that start off lovely then after a month or two the mask slips. Writting and skypeing to someone is a whole different ball game to living with someone and experiencing tampo, jealousy or annoying habits. 

[Jake]

My long distance relationship with Judy was back in the mid 1980's, where sending flowers (FDS), writing letters and AT&T operator assist were the name of the game.  It was touch and go, waiting for her letters to arrive in the States.  Many times I thought to myself that I went overboard too much and too soon to open up my heart.  I even went into poetry, corny as it may seem when she didn't understand my train of thought or humor.  

And finally when I returned after several months of long distance courtship, I faced another hurdle in going through the Filipino tradition of chaperone (her sister) and the dreaded acceptance of her grandmother.  I was paraded around town (Batangas City), making it known about the stranger that dutifully followed the 2 sisters from behind.  Actually I didn't mind that -- it was a very nice view after all.....he, he.

There's another side story to this (about our escape from Yakuza in Japan), which greatly affected the approval from her very own sister.  Additionally, I also pass her test when she questioned me about Judy's formal college boyfriend trying to win Judy's heart again.  I simply said --- over my dead body.  

Approaching our 33rd anniversary and she still tolerates me and my infamous farts.  Any other woman would have thrown me under a carabao taking a dump.  

Respectfully Jake