Re: Warning for soft hearted men

[Wayne Bernitt]

The perils of doc.

 

The perils of falling love with a Filipino girl.

This is a warning to soft hearted men and to one in particular if you know him I hope you will let him know.

This became a lot longer than I thought if you want to skip to the guts of the issue scroll to Time to jump ahead highlighted.

 From the outset I would like to say that the Filipino people and of course the ladies are some of the nicest and friendliest people I have met and not all are out to deceive you. I just got unlucky and was way too trusting and on my side slow to act. You can judge for yourself.

Now at first glance you may think that this is just jilted lover that out to cause trouble for an ex-partner. Everything I write can be backed up with hard evidence i.e. we chat texts (We chat is a social media app used predominately in china) and photos that follow a time line. And bank receipts for that matter. Anything that is conjecture will be prefaced with “in my opinion” or “I believe “. I think you get the idea.

So as not to drag this out I’ll try and keep the early part of this saga Brief.

 

I met Rizi  in china the middle of 2014 she was in china to work as a bar girl and to do some singing. Being wary at first but ended up asking her out. Now it became quite clear that she had in the past worked as a bargirl/prostitute and told me she never wanted to have to do that again. And that it had been many years since she had done this. That wasn’t quite true as I found out later it had been 2 years. I had no problems with her past anyway we had only just met. We started seeing each other and became close. Because one of the owners of the bar had lied about being able to get her a 12 month working visa he convinced to enter on a tourist visa so her stay was only 30 days. When we parted there were lots of tears and a promise that I’d keep in touch. At this stage I didn’t Know if I would see her again, she wanted a relationship and had a 7 year old daughter. I’d had a bad breakup a few years earlier and was hesitant to make any promises I couldn’t keep.

I received a couple of emails over the next couple of months one telling me she had gotten a job as a maid in Kuwait. This concerned me from the start. It was some time before I heard from her I had sent some emails that went unanswered. Finally I got a text say all good don’t worry. I had warned her of what could happen. I had great respect for her for what she was willing to for her family.

Thing changed quite quickly texts were few because they (there were 3 other girls) weren’t allowed to have a phone and had smuggle one in and all shared it. To cut a long story short. She rang me a few weeks later in tears saying she would to kill herself if she had to stay. She had a 2 year contract and was not allowed to leave the house and worked 7 days a week from 6am to 10.00 pm and was on call to look after the baby if it woke up and was still expected to start at 6 am, all for 100 US a week.

So I set about getting her out. To say the woman of the house was a bitch was an understatement. And again cutting it short I got her out at a cost of 10,000 Au.

I felt that I had done what was right for a deserving person and I still stand by that today.

It was slavery, no one should have they’re passport taken from them and treated less valuable the dog. The dog got to sleep in the heated house the help were kept in out building and froze each night. I’m told they do this so the help wants to go to work in the morning to get warm. I understood that she needed to support her family so I paid her the 100 US a week that she would have got in Kuwait, And for two years. At the time money was not a problem. I was thinking at least this is one girl that won’t be beaten and raped.

 I just felt it was needed to be done. There was one thing I asked of her and that was to use the time to educate herself unfortunately this didn’t happen. Now, I still had no intention of having a relationship. Rizi contacted me thanking over and over and want me to come to Manila to see her. I went for 10 days by the end of the trip I was madly in love despite everything I told myself I wouldn’t do. That was the beginning of a three year long distance relationship. I was in China and getting her a visa for more than 60 days was impossible and due to complication with having a work permit for Kuwait she was not allowed to leave the country for a year.  So every ninety days I went to see her because I had to leave china anyway for my visa. I brought her to China as soon as the year was up. 60 day and had to leave after 30 day so I took her to Hong Kong for a week. I thought for the first time I want to marry this girl.

So were did it start to going pear shaped.

For me it was in the end of 2016 business troubles and losing a large amount of money due to the closure of a factory with a prototype I’d been working on for a year inside and impossible to get back. This meant not as many trips to see Rizi and plans to get married and bring Rizi and her daughter to Australia would take a year at least longer. This was more heart breaking than the any money problems. I felt she was the love of my life and having her was all that kept me going though very hard times.

During our time together Rizi and I we chatted 3 or 4 times every day and if the net was good enough we would talk or video chat. Every day we were in contact from when she got back to the Philippines except when she went to visit family where the internet was bad.

Time to jump ahead.

Coming up to Christmas 2017 all seemed normal. Now the Christmas 2016 the year before I became suspicious when she seemed evasive about details of her trip to see the relatives and the lack of contact. I asked her straight out, had she had an affair.  She assured me that she could never be unfaithful and loved me more than ever, and I stupidly believed her.

So just before Christmas I sent some money for her to go to the dentist and for Christmas to get something for Brianne her daughter whom I had come feel was my daughter.

 

 Everything was normal we used to txt sex quite a lot but phone sex was impossible because of the bad net. However I got a We Chat call on the 12^th December at 2 am she was horny, her words, the net worked perfectly and 43 minutes later the call ended. Curious at how the connection was so good, but had been so bad that she had trouble texting. I still don’t know where she was we she made that call. So I thought all was good between us.

 Now this is where things get sketchy as I’m not really sure where she was meant to be. Because I got texts saying the net is bad and she ok don’t worry. Now I thought she must have left for her relatives and we managed a few texts I asked how her trip was and she said she had not left and was still at home. Which was a little puzzling the net can be bad there but we could always text. Anyway it was the 26^th and she said she that her family was off to see the relatives.

And of course the net was going to bad and she would text when she could.

For the first time ever I did not hear from her for 3 days, I started to worry, there had been bad storms but not where she was going. I started to worry that she had been involved in some kind of an accident. I started to contact her sisters on face book. Annie lives near Baracay and Amy is in Saudi. They had not heard from her and although not that close they usually contacted each other at Christmas and birthdays and the like.

On the 1nd & 2^rd Jan Annie told me she had been trying to ring and message but she wasn’t answering

Amy said she was not responding on face book. And both told me that she will be ok and that she loves me so not to worry.

 The 3^rd of January I got my first message from Rizi in 4 days. It was the most devastating message I’ve ever read. “Sorry to say this but I was not in Cagayan last few days.”

The next was an insult that cut deeper that knowing what was happening. “I did not ask for your help” of all the things she said to me over the next few weeks this hurt the most and she repeated this several times.

Referring back to Kuwait saying that ‘I can’t stay here if I do I will kill myself’ and ‘I want to get out’. I’m sorry but if that’s not asking for help I don’t know what is. And of course she asked for help over the 3 years.  If for some reason the money was late she was quick to remind me. Yes and I admit that before I left after a visit I always shoved 10,000 pesos in her hand. She did not ask for that. Or the clothes I bought her and Brianne

 

Of course the first thing I said I was I’m getting on the next plane to come and talk to you, she just said “you will never find me”. Eventually she said she was in Manila but it’s a big place.

Now over the next few weeks the story seem to change a lot from’ I have not been in my province for a long time’ to’ I’m on the bus leaving now’. And that she has never been unfaithful to me because she is on her way to meet him for the first time. And the more she texted the more convoluted the story became. And that this new man was the love of her life and he going to marry her and they wanted to have a baby. 

The impression that she was trying to impart was the she had meet him on line and that they fell madly in love and she had moved to his house in manila to live together. Saying things like, “it’s only right that I should find someone to give me a better life” and “I want a house”. Now if this were true that she was going to get a better life, this was something I could understand.

This all turned out to be bull### Now she had blocked me for face book immediately and kept blocking me on We Chat only unblocking me to tell me to stop talking to her sisters. As I was to realize later this was probably so the boyfriend did not hear her We Chat notice go of all the time. And of course she didn’t want me interrupting her holiday. The problem was I think she had been telling her family she was going to see me, and of course me asking them where she was, was more than a little uncomfortable. This guy was a big secret.

She would tell me how happy she was and how much in love she was and that he was the most caring and loving man in the world. And to top it off she sent a photo of the happy couple. And the stopped all contact.

 I won’t get into how I was feeling because it doesn’t move the story forward and this story is taking way longer that I thought it would. Let’s just say I fell into a deep depression and did some stupid things.

 But so many things did not fit. Her time line was all over the place. I started contacting every relative I could find and there were a lot but many had not had contact for a long time. So I thought to get answers was I would have to draw her out. Her sisters had been told to block me they said they were sorry but Rizi said it had nothing to do with them and of course the she was in love with a new man and I was threatening them and just trying to cause trouble for the happy couple.

 

 Causing trouble, yes, she had been caught, threatening, no. Only in the respect that I might ruin her plans

Now back when she went missing I posted a photo of her on Facebook asking if any one if anyone had seen her I was genuinely worried sick.  Now that I knew what she was doing  I wanted get her attention I started offing a reward of thousand US and then I upped the ante and post his photo with ‘last seen in the company of’ with both their photos.

This worked a treat within 2 day she was on We Chat abusing me. And when she got upset she started to say things that were she may not have wanted too. Nothing specific but lot more contradictions. And that the boyfriend is upset and he has read all of my emails and texts and that he was watching over her shoulder right now. I said does he know her past as a call girl. She says he knows everything about her. Of course the first thing I said was he should call me and if he says that what you say is true I’ll never bother them again. I tied and tried to get her to get him to talk to me. I told Rizi what sort of a man would let this go on and upset the women he loves if a single call could end it. I know it would be the first thing I’d be doing, and have done. She said I won’t let him I’ll it’s between you and me.

This is the moment I was pretty sure he had no idea that I exited least in the context I did.

This was when I found more painful information I did some Facebook & Google searches.

 

Rizi’s Face book address was (edit mod, don’t post contact info please) When I had been worried about her I reopened my old Facebook account. (I had been living in china so Facebook is banned and I really don’t like Facebook) I just searched Rizi and seen her picture and clicked not paying any attention to anything else. Later while searching for relatives her full name keep appearing but with a guy’s picture along with a few guys with similar names. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks this is the same guy that was in the photo that Rizi sent me, only younger.

I clicked on and sure enough it was him. But Rizi had made a huge mistake She had not completely blocked all her sites. And even worse she had the date she had uploaded the photo. It was 17^th of October 2016 over 14 months earlier and you can only assume that there was a physical meeting before the photo had been uploaded. That is, there was online chat, an arranged meeting and the as a show of loyalty she put his photo on the site that was allotted to him.  She used have a photo us together on her phone which obviously was changed when necessary. This reminds me I bought her two phones. She lost the first one. And she did ask for them, another 1000 AU dollars

 

 This information changed everything. I could except that she recently meet someone and had fallen in love, maybe, and this guy was going to give her a better life that I could due to my business problems. But now I knew she had been seeing this guy for over a year and I had been with three times during this period, and quite likely just before she first got together with him.  She was cheating on both of us.

 Then I stared to think. How many more could there be. My first searches reviled that she was on several social media site including 2 dating sites. Now I was in a bad state at this time and not thinking as clear as I should have. Because I did not screen save the all the sites, one site Pinterest is there and only one follower and yielded nothing except that she had been on it.  The other called “Twoo” only one follower. It had her picture and a photo of lone male from Turkey. There was a date 2015 after I got her out of Kuwait. Now I could not find get any other information unless I signed up. So I did but besides the fact that if I wanted to go further I was going to have to pay, her site disappeared from all further searches. She had obviously changed the privacy settings. So on this I have no physical proof. So I if there any other “boyfriends” it’s conjecturer. But one guy is solid. If I were to theorize I would say each guy would have a dedicated site so there would be no overlap of contacts.

Now being blocked again  I went back to Facebook friends to help this time it was a business mater, which was true in some respect but will admit not absolutely necessary. But I wanted answers so I could try and move on.   Now I have a couple of shelf companies in Hong Kong and I had Rizi’s name down as a director so that when the time was right it would help get her a 12 month visa and Rizi new this.

So I sent a message via a friend that said there was a document to sign to remove her from the company. Again it worked.

I got a few hostile texts then she started to ask what I wanted. And I found out a lot in what was going to be our last exchange. I explained what was needed and she was not interested because it too much trouble. She said” I’m in a bad mood I don’t need this” and I replied why you’ve got everything you ever wanted. She said something like what do mean. I said “well you’ve got the love of your life you’re in a nice house and being looked after” she told me that she was back with the parents and she never said she was going to be living Manila                (she did) I asked where the boyfriend was she said he work abroad.  Then it started to all make sense. But wait there’s more. During the process of trying to get the document signed

 

 I sent an email with an attached word doc. I wrote dot point what was needed. I also said that if she was not sure about it to send the document to her boyfriend and have him check. Now I was pretty sure that she couldn’t because there would be some explaining to do. But on the off chance that he might know about me it was genuine advice and it would be handy to have the document signed.  And after the instructions were 3 question I said I needed answered to help me understand what had happened and I could move on. And if see did answer me she would never hear for me again.

The first two questions were basically if you love this man as much as you say why would you have a text sex session at the end of November and 40 minute phone sex session on the 12^th of December just before you were to go to have the real thing with the love of your life. 

As mentioned earlier not sure where she was. There’s a possibility that she was actually with him. Any time she’s been in Manila in the past the nets been fine.

And then the big one, please explain why there is a photo of your boyfriend that you just meet on a Facebook page dated October 2016.

Now within 3 minutes My We Chat was going off 7 messages one after another. With things like, what is this rubbish there’s no document this is a trick, you’re tying to trick me into sending these questions to my boyfriend. This is shit. I managed to get a text back saying settle down it’s not a trick there is a doc attached have a look. She fired back that she won’t open anything because it could be a virus. The truth is she probably didn’t know what to do with it. That’s why is wasn’t a Pdf. I was sure that would confuse her.

While I had the opportunity of being unblocked and she was angry I asked had she been with him last Christmas. What’s the point of telling you now! Was all she had to say,  she Knew I knew

I have found out that if she was ever caught out lying she would never say admit it, always a deflection and a story.  Pretty obvious she had been meeting up with him for some time. And that he has no idea of the truth about me and most of what she been up to. There is the possibility that this is an every six month thing and he just pays her. But I’m concerned that he might actually have feelings for her and is regularly sending money and believing all the bullshit that I’d believed, and that there are others being caught in the same trap.

  If I had not got worried, or she had texted a day earlier she would not have got caught and by now everything would be back to, what was normal and we would be sexting from time to time and chatting every day. The Irony is business is looking good and one of the things I wanted to tell her was I’m coming for you and we’re getting married and we will be at last together. I had it all planned, I was going to go to her parents’ house ask her father permission to marry his daughter and literally pick her up and carry her to the waiting car. Yeah I know all too soppy but I had waited a long time for her.

  I keep telling myself how lucky I was to find out before this happened. But a part of me wishes I had never made that contact with her sisters. I’m still a mess but I’m hoping that I save others the pain I’ve suffered. The only advice I can give is, sadly is if you’re in the same situation I was don’t be 100% trusting. Do the odd google search and, it sounds bad but check her phone from time to time. And be aware or changes in habits like dropping out of contact. Come up for a reason you need to see the receipt for the dentist she had to see.

I don’t know what the legalities are but I will try to send a photo of the guy and of Rizi and me.

Now I know he does not live in the Philippines but I hope someone recognizes him and lets him know what’s happening. I will give my email and real name so at best he can tell me he knew everything and they will live happily ever after or I will save him a huge heartache and a lot of money.  

Edit mod, removed real names and email. Wayne do not post other people’s real names and contact information here again or you will be removed. Thanks for understanding.

Thanks

Wayne

 

The girl                                                                                      The victims                                     Me

 

Mod edit, removed other pictures. Wayne you can’t post pictures of others in those type of circumstances please try to understand. Thanks 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2018 by Old55
Removed names pictures contact information

[Old55]

The first sentence in your topic shows you still don’t understand. Filipinas are not a problem. People in the sex trade often (not all) have issues you choose her with your eyes closed. 

Sorry you allowed yourself to be hurt and taken advantage of. It’s a common story sadly. I hope you’re able to move on with your life once the pain and hurting will pass.

Edited February 8, 2018 by Old55

[Wayne Bernitt]

Why leave the girl and remove the photo with me in.  Makes no sense.  Do remember the other guy it's the one in trouble. Remember she went to Kuwait to get out of the sex trade.  My eyes were wide open.  This Is a sophisticated opperator. And only caught by chance  and the full operation  uncovered by a lot of research. The point of the exercises was to save someone else. 

[stevewool]

Phone sex and Text sex, well that is something i have never tried with my girlfriend and now my wife and i was told that if there was any smutty stuff she would put the phone down or cut the link to our talking and for over 2 years it was how are you and what have you been doing, maybe we was lucky .

All i can say is move on learn from what has happened , you never know the other person or persons may know of each other.

[Old55]

5 hours ago, Wayne Bernitt said:

Why leave the girl and remove the photo with me in.  Makes no sense.  Do remember the other guy it's the one in trouble. Remember she went to Kuwait to get out of the sex trade.  My eyes were wide open.  This Is a sophisticated opperator. And only caught by chance  and the full operation  uncovered by a lot of research. The point of the exercises was to save someone else. 

Wayne, please understand this isn’t about you. The forum can’t know for sure who the men are in those pictures. Look I feel for you we know you’re hurt and angry. It’s not this forums function for you to save someone. Put your self in the other individuals place. Would you care to find this out in a public forum?

Please don’t take offense but we don’t know the facts so posting your account with name email address and pictures would be unwise.

Edited February 8, 2018 by Old55

[Snowy79]

Not any consolation but there's more than a fair share of operators out there doing similar things to love/lust struck foreigners. I keep saying it but the chances of getting a decent partner using text, message or Skype is hard and getting harder. The women here are cottoning on to the fact that they can earn a good living off of foreigners. 

If you want a relationship save it until you are living here full time. Get to know her history and family. The old saying you can take the girl out of the bar but not the bar out of the girl is there for a reason. 

Save your money and frustration and move on. There's no shortage of decent girls here. 

[Dave Hounddriver]

2 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

There's no shortage of decent girls here. 

We touched on this briefly at our Dumaguete forum meeting yesterday.

People change.  Even meeting and marrying a "decent girl" is no guarantee she will always be one.  To a lesser extent, meeting and marrying a "bar girl" or a scammer does not mean she will always be one; but the law of averages says to leave those types alone because they are less likely to change in a positive way.

It is, and has always been, the battle of the sexes.  We heteros cannot live with them felines but also cannot live without them.  Dan says it best when he says:

6 hours ago, Old55 said:

It’s not this forums function for you to save someone.

We must all make our own choices and be dang sure to use the correct head.  Topics like this one help us all to stay on our toes, but the scammers out there know how to chose their prey and this forum has never been able to change the mind of someone who is convinced "his girl" is special.

 

[Mike J]

14 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

this forum has never been able to change the mind of someone who is convinced "his girl" is special.

Amen!

[Clermont]

Well Wayne from one country man to another, your not the first, nor going to be the last that has had this happen to you. I feel for you as do other members but by your photo you look as though you have had a few hard knocks in life, just chalk it up to another. Although hard at being lied to, is this the first time in your life someone has lied to you, the answer would be no.

I see you have joined a few dating sites, why not use the time now to check some of the ladies out, not all are in the same boat as the one that scammed you. Yes mate scammed, it happens all the time with us foreigners, it is how some of them survive and if you sit back and have a good think on it, you are lucky you got out when you did. As the Poms say, chin up mate, and for every crook one out there, there are genuine ones out there too. PM me if you feel like it. 

[jrlee183]

I feel your pain Wayne, and whilst I have not personally experienced a story as harsh as yours I have had my share of 'Filipina Deception'  .

Please dont fall into the trap of continually trying to find closure on these issues.  Once you find what you are looking for, something else will come up and it will just continually eat you alive.  Time is the best healer and you will get over this. 

If its revenge you are after, then fight fire with fire ..... get yourself out there, meet another girl and publish your new found happiness all over facebook etc etc.  Trust me .... that will do the trick.  Block her on all your messaging apps too .... a wall of silence will cause no end of frustration.  I talk from experience.  

If you are not after revenge then do the above anyway .... it will do you the world of good.

Jamie