Am i lucky or unlucky

[jrlee183]

On 3/4/2018 at 5:37 AM, stevewool said:

Her other sister is asking her for 50,000 peso, she needs it , she is desperate for it , she is in trouble, she has not been able to budget this months wage and is so short.

This sucks, Steve.  Sounds like Emma's family just see you as a blank checkbook. 

Im very fortunate with our filipino side of the family.  They really never expect anything from me, and if they do ask it is usually for the business (e.g. replace a part in the machine or something) and even then I ask for full details of the income and expenses and make a bit of an issue of it.

The extended family on the other hand .... dont get me started.  A few years ago Lola was sick blah blah blah and the uncle comes  to my missus asking for 70K.  She replies saying she doesnt have 70k and the response was to go and ask me.  She replies why dont they ask your own children, only to be told that because she is with a foreigner I should be the one to pay.  Uncle then tells her its her fault that Lola is partially blind now and my missus is no longer their family etc etc.  I never knew about any of this until after it all unravelled.

In the end they used the title to some land to get a loan from the bank (why they couldnt do that in the first place, i have no idea).  I then find out about all of this, and uncle (along with the Sister for another reason) is now persona non grata to me.  Every so often they try to sell the land and they keep coming to the missus about it.  They wanted 80K.  I told her to offer 60K, which infuriated them no end.  Every few months we get the same request and we just keep offering 5-10K less each time.  I think the latest counter offer we made was 30K.

My point is, you need to be tough with the families (and Steve, it sounds like you are putting your foot down).   They need us, more than we need them .... there is little risk on our side with a bit of tough love from time to time.

 

 

[stevewool]

21 hours ago, bows00 said:

In my experience, you should NEVER borrow money from relatives, or anyone you care deeply about.  You risk losing the relationship over the dept.  Especially in the Philippines were they have a culture (or many instances) where borrowed money is forgotten or never paid back, which was not the case for you, but it is still a risk non-the-less.    

But if you are in a financial condition to do so, I do believe in giving when needed.  Once you do so, there are no expectation of being paid back and the relationship is saved.   But then again, it depends on the situation and circumstances, and based on the original post, you would be enabling a financially irresponsible habit.  

 

 

17 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

From the other side of the coin, I NEVER lend money to relatives or anyone I care deeply about.  If I can afford to give them the money and call it a gift then I will, but to expect it back is a recipe for disaster.  Besides, it  feels so great on the rare occasion that the person does pay it back, or even pay it forward with a mention of my gift to them.

like you say its great if you get it back but when they say they will give it back and there is no intention thats when you say never again.

I had the cash from my daughter to top up my ISA and i had only so many days at that good rate before being fixed, i am glad to say it was all paid well within the time limit and a little gift was added for the 17p interest she lost.

[stevewool]

Well i must say a big thank you to you all who have read and have made a comment on this subject, its hard sometimes getting something across that is personal and maybe it is to personal for others , but i dont have others to listen to me and even say i am wrong in what i am saying or asking.

Some of you may have been though this before and can share the outcome you made or did not make .

Anyway thank you again to all, a drink is on its way when i meet up with you all.

[sonjack2847]

7 hours ago, stevewool said:

a drink is on its way when i meet up with you all.

We are waiting with an empty glass and I must say it is quite large.

[Jack Peterson]

15 minutes ago, sonjack2847 said:

We are waiting with an empty glass and I must say it is quite large.

 Just the one for me  cos I just know you said buy us a beer 

 

7 hours ago, stevewool said:

a drink is on its way when i meet up with you all.

[bows00]

On 3/6/2018 at 7:14 AM, Dave Hounddriver said:

From the other side of the coin, I NEVER lend money to relatives or anyone I care deeply about.  If I can afford to give them the money and call it a gift then I will, but to expect it back is a recipe for disaster.  Besides, it  feels so great on the rare occasion that the person does pay it back, or even pay it forward with a mention of my gift to them.

i second that.  I live by the same philosophy.  Dave Ramsey said it best, "the borrower is a slave to the lender".  When you borrow money from a relative, thanks giving dinner will never taste the same.    

[Michael Perez]

It's funny, I found myself on the other side of that coin a few months back.  A sudden bout of Pneumonia put me in the hospital for two weeks.  I had a problem with my bank card, so I couldn't access my accounts to pay for it.  So my wife's family chipped in to pay an 80k hospital bill.

I paid them back a week or so later when my bank access was restored.  But I was really grateful that they were there for us in a really bad situation.

That being said, I've told my wife to always blame me if she ever gets hit up for a frivolous loan by one of the black sheep (tarsiers?) in her family.

Edited March 9, 2018 by Michael Perez
Typos

[stevewool]

On 3/9/2018 at 5:32 AM, Michael Perez said:

That being said, I've told my wife to always blame me if she ever gets hit up for a frivolous loan by one of the black sheep (tarsiers?) in her family.

That all i want my wife to say to these folk.

[stevewool]

Well still no replies from the family so this money that they needed seems to have blown over this time, the kids are eating well and  are still at school, the husband is still not working and Emma has been told not to mention his lack of work because it upsets him.

So really what was all the fuss about i wonder, " by the way" there was a nice party for a family member and a few days away for a adult this last week or so, makes you think dont it.

[sonjack2847]

1 hour ago, stevewool said:

Well still no replies from the family so this money that they needed seems to have blown over this time, the kids are eating well and  are still at school, the husband is still not working and Emma has been told not to mention his lack of work because it upsets him.

So really what was all the fuss about i wonder, " by the way" there was a nice party for a family member and a few days away for a adult this last week or so, makes you think dont it.

No I don`t think about that they just don`t get for parties.