MikeB Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 the idea of supporting my family in law is a bit strange.Agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 thanks everyone....well there are some valid points, but despite I'm not wealthy, I'm still in my mid 30s, healthy, good looking, fit.......and have many goals in life.......BUT...the idea of supporting my family in law is a bit strange... Strange to us, but none the less a fact when marrying, or living with most Filipinas that you will meet here who are not professionals. The family will often go to who they think is the deepest well for help, and being a foreigner, it is hard for most of us to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that we are not rich, because that thought is deeply embedded into most minds here. Any man who gets involved and does not set the family issue financial guidelines ahead of time, and at the very beginning of their relationship, may be in for a rocky relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 i had to make a stand with my gf's mother. Had her sent to live with her sister far away. Why? Because my gf's brother works overseas and wouldn't contribute to his mother's living because she was living with me, a foreigner and therefore it was my responsibility! Wasn't prepared to go through same crap as had with last wife's family so, hard as it my seem, I kicked it into touch very quickly.Funny thing is, my gf's brother is sending money to his wife and she's playing around with another bloke...or two! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeatmanila Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 shall i put the question and answers differently? Ok to the ones who might want to shoot or hate me!!!!Q: What is the best way to meet a good filipina who will come with me since i am the solution to her and her family's survival issue?A: You da man, depends how you treat her and what you want from her, there are no bad people, only incopatible.Q:What is the best way to meet a good filipina?A: Filipinas are women as all the rest of the women in this world, you should know by now how to meet a woman, if not...good luck!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fast&Furious Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Any man who gets involved and does not set the family issue financial guidelines ahead of time, and at the very beginning of their relationship, may be in for a rocky relationship. please, expand that......is that very common?Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Any man who gets involved and does not set the family issue financial guidelines ahead of time, and at the very beginning of their relationship, may be in for a rocky relationship. please, expand that......is that very common?Thanks I'm only guessing that approximately 8 out 10 Kanos (foreigners) married to their Filipino spouses usually get married to those who aren't doing well financially where therefore they will rely on whoever has a source of income via the foreigner husband, which many think always has money, in order to feed her entire immediate family! So if your spouse is in that situation and can't break away from her family, you're stuck with her immediate family as well as long as they don't have gainful employment and a roof over their heads to support themselves! To avoid that situation, get married to an indepedent woman who's immediate family doesn't rely on her for everything under the sun! If not, it will eventually come out of your deep pockets later after your marriage or live-in relationship! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fast&Furious Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 To avoid that situation, get married to an indepedent woman who's immediate family doesn't rely on her for everything under the sun! and that's a good advice, however.....do they tell you the truth before the marriage? Otherwise...But then....how am I going to find THAT without offending them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 To avoid that situation, get married to an indepedent woman who's immediate family doesn't rely on her for everything under the sun! aAnd that's a good advice, however.....do they tell you the truth before the marriage? Otherwise...But then....how am I going to find THAT without offending them? By observation! You don't like what you see, get out of the relationship fast before she has her hooks deep into you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Any man who gets involved and does not set the family issue financial guidelines ahead of time, and at the very beginning of their relationship, may be in for a rocky relationship. please, expand that......is that very common?Thanks Yes I am sorry but that is the Filipino way, helping out their families, so if you set guidelines, then there would most likely be no problems. First and foremost IMHO it is imperative that a person find out how much money a women gives to her family out of her salary if working. If she is sending a certain figure home monthly, then IMO one cannot expect her to just cut off her family if she marries one of us. If she is not working, then find out what her family would expect of her if she were to marry you and set the limits. Example, for my wife and I, and since most of my wifes family are fairly poor, if there is a real emergency, and we are able to establish it as real with a phone call to a hospital or doctors office, or if they are someone whose word we trust completely, then we do our best to help out as much, and as we can afford to, and we always bring or send sacks or rice and used clothing that friends will donate to us, but I insist on not giving money because I have found that poor people often just squander what is given and I can have more fun squandering my own money than letting someone else do it. :as-if:Others I know set the rule that they give their wives say p5000 a month to set aside for her family special needs, and then let her to handle any problems that arise, and if she or they squander that, then there will be no more help for them if an emergency arises. This one would take a woman who knows how to handle money and not waste it herself and that money would not be expected to be used on you or her. If you do not wish to help family, then I suggest you do not get involved with most Filipino families, or as Art suggested, find a very independent strong woman who is able to separate herself from her family, this will not happen often here but does happen.Family is a fact of life here, so people can either accept it and realize that it is part of what makes Filipinas so kind and loving and most often great wives, or it can also be a thorn in their side for life, or the issue that ends up breaking up the marriage or relationship. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Carl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Any man who gets involved and does not set the family issue financial guidelines ahead of time, and at the very beginning of their relationship, may be in for a rocky relationship. please, expand that......is that very common?Thanks Yes I am sorry but that is the Filipino way, helping out their families, so if you set guidelines, then there would most likely be no problems. First and foremost IMHO it is imperative that a person find out how much money a women gives to her family out of her salary if working. If she is sending a certain figure home monthly, then IMO one cannot expect her to just cut off her family if she marries one of us. If she is not working, then find out what her family would expect of her if she were to marry you and set the limits. Example, for my wife and I, and since most of my wifes family are fairly poor, if there is a real emergency, and we are able to establish it as real with a phone call to a hospital or doctors office, or if they are someone whose word we trust completely, then we do our best to help out as much, and as we can afford to, and we always bring or send sacks or rice and used clothing that friends will donate to us, but I insist on not giving money because I have found that poor people often just squander what is given and I can have more fun squandering my own money than letting someone else do it. :yes: Others I know set the rule that they give their wives say p5000 a month to set aside for her family special needs, and then let her to handle any problems that arise, and if she or they squander that, then there will be no more help for them if an emergency arises. This one would take a woman who knows how to handle money and not waste it herself and that money would not be expected to be used on you or her. If you do not wish to help family, then I suggest you do not get involved with most Filipino families, or as Art suggested, find a very independent strong woman who is able to separate herself from her family, this will not happen often here but does happen. Family is a fact of life here, so people can either accept it and realize that it is part of what makes Filipinas so kind and loving and most often great wives, or it can also be a thorn in their side for life, or the issue that ends up breaking up the marriage or relationship. Wallaby, wow you have posted some very important questions! I would also like to add, that Art, Lee, Roy and Boss Man, and other, all have valuable contributions and advise here. :AddEmoticons04230:If you were wise you would listen to what they all have to say, put it together with what you know about yourself and what you are looking for...., and take to first step. Go online, but make no promises before you come here! Definitely meet all the relatives you can, assess for yourself the situation, then discuss it with the person who ultimately will make your life wonderful, or hell!Are there any guarantees? No!!! However speaking from experience, it is possible! You can make the same mistakes I did, by not paying attention to some excellent advise here (to my defense I did not get this advise, however it is all common sense (if there is such a thing anymore) and I should have considered each of these anyway. Also in my defense, once you meet with a Filipina who (makes time stand still, from the moment you set eyes on her), logic, common sense, advise etc. etc. is not usually at the fore front of your mind!!!As you have said, you are young (compared to many of us), take your time, do it right and it will be the best decision of your life. Rush into it, take no advice and not only you will pay, but also the other person involved and all of her family!Good luck, and stay in touch with people on this forum, you will get support and advise, even if sometimes you may not agree with it!Carl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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