So tired of my wife's relatives.

[stevewool]

2 hours ago, GeoffH said:

Of course, I wouldn't loan again either.

But the real question is would I (or you) help that family member in an emergency if money was outstanding (and why or why not?).

 

I faced exactly that question more recently when the exact same uncle who loaned money and didn't repay it ended up needing emergency hospital care.

 

After some long talks between SWMBO and me we sent an amount that would help with but not pay the hospital bill.  As SWMBO said there are other family members too and we shouldn't have to pay the entire amount. 

I struggled with this question for a couple of days but I didn't want to create bad feelings between family members (or trouble for SWMBO) and eventually decided that to me it was worth at least some money to avoid that.

 

You might avoid this situation or just decide upon a blanket rule of once bitten twice shy (and I get that) but it can have other consequences in a place like the Philippines.

Thats the problem if you have a heart and a kind person some folk will feed of that and rob you until you have nothing , I cannot understand to this day why family members cannot come together and share the cost of helping each other, but they just don’t seem to want to do that.

[stevewool]

I don’t send any money to the Philippines since our return, I have made it clear to the wife also.

With this COVID virus we have had a few messages asking for cash as the father cannot work and he needs food for himself and his son , but I just say I will give what ever you lot give and I don’t get a reply , the other day again the wife was asked to send money to her father as he cannot work ( he’s a trike rider) ,but the sister who was asking did mention she cannot send anything because she has to pay the school fees ,plus car maintenance for her daughters , again once I knew I said no.

I have a friend over there who is also a trike rider and through our conversations he and others are working still in Marikina, so was asking for cash the way they did a lie .

I know it must be hard on Emma but her life is here with me and as so many before me have said ‘ They managed before I was here and they will managed after I’ve gone’.

[Viking]

6 hours ago, GeoffH said:

 

I think this is one of the wisest pieces of advice in the entire thread.

Earlier in the thread I said that I'd been lucky and that most of SWMBOs relatives weren't a problem (and that's true).

But we too got caught out by one uncle to whom we 'loaned' money (and it wasn't a small amount either).

Now days we only send what we can afford and we send it as gifts or help not as loans and that works out better in my experience.

 

This is important, send what YOU can afford, NOT what they need and send it is a gift because the chance you will get it back is small.

We also had problems with the family stealing and lying, no big things, but enough to not trust them anymore when it comes to money.

[graham59]

My folks know not to ask.  End of story. 

We get along fine. 

[Balisidar]

5 hours ago, graham59 said:

My folks know not to ask.  End of story. 

We get along fine. 

That's pretty much the way we handle things also.  My wife learned long ago not to loan money to relatives and if they ask we say no.

We will give an occasional gift and that's about it.

[graham59]

I honestly have a brilliant relationship with my extended family around here (and the neighbours).

I just keep them laughing, but am always respectful . 

They think I''m slightly bonkers, and seems everyone is happy with that.  No theat to anyone. No loss of face. No competition. 

Edited August 28, 2020 by graham59

[Jake]

1 hour ago, graham59 said:

I honestly have a brilliant relationship with my extended family around here (and the neighbours).

I just keep them laughing, but am always respectful . 

It's amazing how they could understand your jokes with a British accent.  I would need a program with voice algorithms to decipher your Welch, Irish, Scottish or London English.  

Anyway, well done blending in with the locals.  You know they are your body guards as well.  

Edited August 28, 2020 by Jake

[jimeve]

1 hour ago, Jake said:

It's amazing how they could understand your jokes with a British accent.  I would need a program with voice algorithms to decipher your Welch, Irish, Scottish or London English.  

Anyway, well done blending in with the locals.  You know they are your body guards as well.  

I have same problems with my North-West British accent, not just the locals but my Russian guest and the boys from across the pond. I need a translator for the Scots. 

[hk blues]

1 hour ago, jimeve said:

I have same problems with my North-West British accent, not just the locals but my Russian guest and the boys from across the pond. I need a translator for the Scots. 

Sorry, can you say that again more slowly Jim? 

[graham59]

My comedy is visual... more Benny Hill... or Mr. Bean.