So tired of my wife's relatives.

[Rich in CDO]

4 hours ago, Balisidar said:

Some are more able than others to give.  Most of our "Donations" have been so that my wife's relatives can start or continue a business and then I consider the matters closed.  I've always followed the saying "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish and you feed him for the rest of his life."

 I just don't like relatives who are lazy and don't want to help themselves.  To those my wife and I don't give a dime..or a damn.

Absolutely, well said Balisidar.  I can't tolerate lazy.

[Snowy79]

I find a refusal to help gets you more respect than not giving enough.  You could help out every the day and the one time you don't your name is dirt.  Refuse from day one and they'll still respect you.

[GeoffH]

6 hours ago, stevewool said:

The thing I have noticed in my extended family over there is how they waste money on the kids eduction

We pick and choose when it comes to helping with the education of the families children.  What we do is 'cherry pick' the best candidates for support.

One of the nieces graduated cum lauda last year and is now a teacher (we supported her) and one of the nephews has consistently finished in the top three in his year for the last few years and we are still supporting him, he finished year 12 a year ago.  Two of the younger nieces are doing very well also and we're contributing towards their schooling as well.

If the kids really work hard and their smart enough to get the help then I see it as an investment in creating more family members with decent jobs.  Sure that's not a guarantee but what other metric could we use?

 

Edited August 31, 2020 by GeoffH

[Tommy T.]

9 hours ago, Rich in CDO said:

Right after college, I was an Asst. Manager at Kroger and I bagged my fair share of groceries.  Today, your degree isn't worth what it once was.  But costs 5 times more. 

I hear you loud and clear. The day after I graduated from university, forever ago, I was driving a delivery truck in Chicago.

[Tommy T.]

6 hours ago, GeoffH said:

If the kids really work hard and their smart enough to get the help then I see it as an investment in creating more family members with decent jobs.  Sure that's not a guarantee but what other metric could we use?

 

It is a bit sad... L's daughter (not mine) graduated from a fairly high quality university here in Philippines. She got a job soon after graduation that turned out to be a call center, of sorts, (she didn't know that when applying). She got mediocre pay - but good compared to so many here. Then she just got laid off last week due to current economic conditions.... There is some serendipity involved in all of this...

[hk blues]

1 minute ago, Tommy T. said:

It is a bit sad... L's daughter (not mine) graduated from a fairly high quality university here in Philippines. She got a job soon after graduation that turned out to be a call center, of sorts, (she didn't know that when applying). She got mediocre pay - but good compared to so many here. Then she just got laid off last week due to current economic conditions.... There is some serendipity involved in all of this...

It's a story repeated ad infinitum here, Tom.  There is no correlation between education and employment in terms of supply and demand.  T.B.H. it's probably the same back home but less obvious.  

[Balisidar]

18 hours ago, Rich in CDO said:

  Guys, we've been blessed to have good jobs in America

Rich just a quick clarification and then back to topic.

Welcome to the forum btw but just know that many forum members are not from America.  This is a multinational forum.  We have all kinds here and it definitely adds to the diversity.  I would be remiss if I didn't mention this.😁😂

[Rich in CDO]

2 hours ago, Balisidar said:

Rich just a quick clarification and then back to topic.

Welcome to the forum btw but just know that many forum members are not from America.  This is a multinational forum.  We have all kinds here and it definitely adds to the diversity.  I would be remiss if I didn't mention this.😁😂

Thanks for the comment Balisidar.  The diversity is why I like this forum.  We all are planning in being in another country than our original birthplace.  My hope is to meet some members and learn more about their upbringing and their countries.  I didn't mean anything by the US comment, we are all blessed or we probably wouldn't be on this forum sharing.  I'll remember to include all nationalities in my comments.  

 

[graham59]

I don't refuse loans, financial support...whatever. (Not that I can recall ever having been ASKED, to be fair). 

I just make it known that I am POOR ...as they are.   

 

[Viking]

16 hours ago, Rich in CDO said:

  This family is very strong and close.  My wife is 54 and thus she's been thru the school of hard knocks of PH.  She came here when she was 45.  We definately don't provide for everyone's needs, but it's nice to know that you have family in both countries that you can count on.  I have Congestive Heart Failure and some other issues, and it's nice to know that when I need help later, that I'll be a part of some pretty giving Filipinos and Filipinas.  We shouldn't enable people to "mooch", but my point was that if you marry a Filipina, you marry the family.  If my 3 kids can get a free college, then my wife can help her family too.  Not all of us can do that, but to some degree, each of us are lucky to be from the U.S.

Hello again Rich

It´s true that when you marry a pinay you marry the whole family. With this comes the expectations that you will help financially when there is a need (this is the general opinion but there is exceptions). Depending on the family, these needs can be very often or very rare. Honestly speaking I have mostly seen the help to the family being a one way road and I would be surprised if they will help, if we talk financial  problems. They often offers to help with other things but they can also be grumpy if they don´t get paid for their "help". Sometimes they also insist on "helping" when it is not wanted! My wifes family always wanted to pick us up at the airport, they did not have a big enough car for all to fit so they "hired" a car for 3000 p + money for gas, to come and get us. Very kind of them , thing is that we could get a taxi from the airport to our house for less than 1500 p, hahaha. And all of them were ofcorse very hungry after waiting all day for us, so we needed to stop and eat on our way home, hahaha. They looked funny at me when I told them that taxi is alot cheaper and faster, so that´s how things are done now!

Pls don´t misunderstand me Rich, I may sound negative but I love Philippines AND it´s people. But sometimes it can be a real challenge to understand how things are because it is so different to what we are used to.

Have a great day