Paying for Meal

[gaga4]

Sorry for the rant but I do not understand why as visitor from the US I am expected to pay for the meal when eating out. We recently had a get together with some friends while passing thru on a cruise. We made them aware that we will be in town so they arranged for dinner at the Manila Hotel. Mind you these are professionals (doctors, lawyers). None of them lifted a finger to pay the tab. We are visitors to their country for heavens sake. When I have people visiting us we treat them!! So much for the so-called Filipino hospitality.

[Gary D]

You're the rich foreigner, why are you complaining. I think we all get caught by that one at first, not being caught the second time is the trick.

[Mark Berkowitz]

2 hours ago, Gary D said:

not being caught the second time is the trick.

[gaga4]

So that's the mentality of Pinoys? Foreigners are rich? Never mind that they are your guests? So you let guests pay instead of the host paying? WTF!!! Part of the problem is the Philippines is not any cheaper as it is in the US. This notion that its cheap to retire there is hogwash!! 

Edited June 16, 2019 by gaga4

[scott h]

1 minute ago, gaga4 said:

Foreigners are rich?

Not just foreigners Gaga, anyone who is a "dollar" earner. OFW's who return home are usually expected not only to bring lots and lots of gifts but also pretty much foot the bill for the expenses during their visit home.

I had to fight My nieces who are nurses overseas for the bill when they visit, even though it is family known that we make more then they do. Their fathers just sit back and watch and never lift a finger to get the check from their daughters. 

Its a cultural thing.

FOLKS this is a generalization,,,,,i know it doesn't happen all the time in all families,,,,

[Mike J]

44 minutes ago, gaga4 said:

So that's the mentality of Pinoys? Foreigners are rich? Never mind that they are your guests? So you let guests pay instead of the host paying? WTF!!! Part of the problem is the Philippines is not any cheaper as it is in the US. This notion that its cheap to retire there is hogwash!! 

 

1. Mentality of Pinoys  "Foreigners are rich".  Blanket statement, kind of like saying "All foreigners are arrogant, or rude, or condescending, or kuripot"

2. They are your guests - True, but you are applying American rules of etiquette to Pinoys.  

3. Philippines not any cheaper - simply not true

4. Cheaper here is hogwash.  The only reason it would be more expensive would be if you tried to recreate your USA lifestyle with food, cars, housing, clothing, etc.   So for a given individual it might be hogwash.  For the vast majority of expats it is cheaper to retire here.

You have every right to be upset about  having to pay for the dinner.  However, that does not make your hosts "wrong", just as your resentment at having to pay does not make you "wrong".  The culture here is that the one who can best afford to pay for the outing is expected to pay.

My opinions of course. 

[gaga4]

Sorry, I totally disagree with the culture reasoning. Can't use culture as a convenient excuse. Because thats what it is in the Philippines - a convenient excuse created by the people because supposedly they cannot afford(?). And NO, it is not an American rule of etiquette. You can visit other parts of the world whether poor or not, the locals who you have dinner or hangout with will not permit you to foot the bill.

I will be going to a remote part of Thailand soon, staying with locals who have already assured me accommodations and meals on them. I was not asking for that. Thats just how they are. Although I would most likely contribute but they are not expecting me to foot the bill for anything. I am the visitor.

Scott, what you are also saying therefore is - if a Pinoy comes to the US then I should expect them to foot the bill when we dine out - because that is their culture. Or am I wrong about that???

The example of OFWs visiting family may be an exception since they are family. Although, I for one would be treating my visiting family instead of them treating me.

As far as cost of living in the Philippines, Yes I am basing it on the same life style as I live now. I can live cheaply in the US too and stretch my dollar. But that means living a few notches below how I live now. So,  yes, you can live just as cheaply in the Philippines. But why would I go there and dial down my lifestyle when I can do the same in the US???? So, I am comparing apples to apples - not apples to mango.

Edited June 17, 2019 by gaga4

[gaga4]

7 hours ago, Gary D said:

You're the rich foreigner, why are you complaining. I think we all get caught by that one at first, not being caught the second time is the trick.

I sure hope that is sarcasm, Gary. If not, why do you assume I'm rich? I sweated for every  penny I earned. Money don't grow on trees in my backyard.

[Jack Peterson]

7 hours ago, Gary D said:

I think we all get caught by that one at first, not being caught the second time is the trick.

 To me, it seems that we can set the rules prior to eating out. something our Locals and Family find it hard to do is Ask questions. So you want to invite out set the scene first, Who Pays? 

[Dave Hounddriver]

2 hours ago, gaga4 said:

So you let guests pay instead of the host paying? WTF!!!

I do not see it that way.  You just took one situation and applied it to every situation in the culture.

If either of these people were having a birthday party then they would be the ones paying for everything and their guests would just show up and eat.  It is not the same as in the USA.

There are cultural rules about who pays for what.  Not everyone obeys these rules.  Some of the cultural rules have become outdated.  For example, old school Filipinos will invite you to share their meal, all the time.  But the first offer is politeness.  If they ask again it is to show that they will share if you are hungry so dig in.  If they ask a third time then they really do mean they would like you to join them and it would be rude to refuse to have at least one bite (unless you can come up with a face-saving refusal)

Anyway, it's cultural whether you agree or not.