Paying for Meal

[Tommy T.]

50 minutes ago, Mike J said:

It is good to have dreams, even if they are not realistic. 

Come on, Mike...there is some real hope here, I believe. L already tells relatives and close friends to not visit without prior notice. Like I said, she is considered a bit of an outlaw because of that, but most respect her comments and feelings. She hates having a bunch of relatives and friends just showing up at the apartment (hers) unannounced... and so it is quite rare when that occurs - maybe once or twice in a year? And then she informs them about it as discretely as possible to try not to ruffle too many feathers... I really think it will be cool when the house is finally done and we move in...

I should add that, because she is a teacher (uniformed worker) and maybe because of her age, reputation and history, L is well respected by her family and friends. She is also tough - I would hate to get into a real argument with her. If any family member or friend disrespects her, she tells them straight up about her thoughts...  She is not what I would refer to as a "typical" Filipina... That's some of why I love her so much...

Edited August 23, 2019 by Tommy T.

[hk blues]

For me, I was only vaguely aware of the possible issues with family, money etc  etc before arriving, but I decided to start as I meant to go on so laid down (not verbally but by my actions) the rules from the outset.  It may have made me unpopular and seem unfriendly and even mean  to the family but it has resulted in me not being bothered by family visits and requests for loans etc.  I'll take that!   

[Tommy T.]

6 minutes ago, hk blues said:

For me, I was only vaguely aware of the possible issues with family, money etc  etc before arriving, but I decided to start as I meant to go on so laid down (not verbally but by my actions) the rules from the outset.  It may have made me unpopular and seem unfriendly and even mean  to the family but it has resulted in me not being bothered by family visits and requests for loans etc.  I'll take that!   

Ah... HK, you did it a different way than me, but whatever works! L runs interference for me and is pleased to do so since that is part of her makeup already. However, if necessary, I will also set standards and she is fine with that and will support my decisions, since they are already so close to hers...

And, same thing, not so much by words, but by actions (or inactions) that illustrate the feelings and any issues.

Edited August 23, 2019 by Tommy T.

[benrye27]

18 hours ago, Arizona Kid said:

Or showing off. That's what Filipinos do when the have some extra money.

Well for most Filipino families, they always make a big deal of what other people/families think of them. That's why it's always obvious when they're trying to show-off with extravagant lifestyle and branded stuff bought by their OFW relative. No matter how passionate or good you are with your work in the Philippines they only see success for those who were able to work abroad. 

[Howard]

6 hours ago, Tommy T. said:

This drives L nuts! She is full Filipina but is considered a bit of a renegade within her family because she wants notice before people might want to visit. She hates this Filipino custom of people just showing up uninvited, unannounced and/or unwanted.

Sometimes the visitors will help cook, clean or bring food but, more often than not, they just show up, empty-handed, expecting to stay however long they wish - as if it were a free hotel. This makes L livid however, since they are family or close friends, she lets it go but grumbles to me about it. She is looking forward to our having our own home where, since I am the "principal" owner and a westerner, she tells me everyone will be shy and not expect that.

I should add that L never visits anyone else without contacting them ahead of time to request permission and virtually never stays overnight at someone else's home. It is interesting that she has these western values and customs - and had them long before she and I met...

Whenever she or us visit another home, she (or we) always bring something - either food, drink or gifts. She tells me that is the proper etiquette, but so many don't seem to do that... That was always the common practice in USA or other places I have visited - to first, ask permission to visit then, if granted, to be sure to bring more gifts or supplies (as in beer or wine or ????). L has this exact mentality and she is a bit ostracized by friends and relatives about it...

I can't say it drives my wife nuts Tom, as she is usually happy to see them. but she has told them many times to call or text first to no avail. Most of them also help her around the house with the dishes, cleaning and running to the Sari Sari store. As much as it sometimes gets on my nerves to provide extra meals and not have the run of the apartment I honestly don't know what they will do if we were away. Just recently we left early in the morning and went to a few places in Manila. On the way home we decided to catch a movie and got back like 9pm, her brother was at the tricycle stand at the entrance to the Barangay. I don't even know how she saw him or he saw us or how long he was there but I guess he was watching everyone that came in like a hawk. If we were away for the weekend I guess he would have slept there until we got back because the building has card access to get in.. Oh, and we currently rent but it is basically understood that I am the principal "owner" and they have always been and still are after all these years shy on me but it doesn't change anything!   

[Viking]

9 hours ago, hk blues said:

For me, I was only vaguely aware of the possible issues with family, money etc  etc before arriving, but I decided to start as I meant to go on so laid down (not verbally but by my actions) the rules from the outset.  It may have made me unpopular and seem unfriendly and even mean  to the family but it has resulted in me not being bothered by family visits and requests for loans etc.  I'll take that!   

I have a similar experience. I made it clear from the beginning that I am NOT Santa Claus!! Some people still tried to take advantage of me but they realised rather quickly that it wasn´t working. I guess the roumor spread and actually I haven´t had any ploblems since then.

I do help people sometimes, but its I who decide who will get it, when and how much. I never help the lazy ones, no matter what reason it is, but  sometimes those who work hard for improving their lifes. I also let them know why they get help, while others dont, and they always shine up, after hearing that and they are also very greatful.

It makes me happy when I can help, but as the situation is, its not possible to help as much as we want because the needs of people here are endless.

[Tommy T.]

10 hours ago, Viking said:

It makes me happy when I can help, but as the situation is, its not possible to help as much as we want because the needs of people here are endless.

That was well said, Viking. I try to do the same thing as you - help the ones who are working and trying to get ahead and not the lazy ones with their hands out. And you are right too that we simply cannot help everyone. I pick and choose and try to make a difference when possible. I hope I choose wisely.

[sonjack2847]

On 7/3/2019 at 4:48 PM, AlwaysRt said:

Thanks Dave, I will bring an invoice for you next Dumaguete Monthly Meetup Event - as you are the one who originally invited me and it seems to have slipped your mind to pay..... 

Yes it did slip his mind as at the last meet JP and I had to pay his bill, is this becoming a habit?

 

[Dave Hounddriver]

2 hours ago, sonjack2847 said:

I had to pay his bill, is this becoming a habit?

Next time.  Remind me. 

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Next time.  Remind me. 

  Sounds like something "A" would say cos of her bad memory  but it is