Coping with Philippine Culture - Staring

[Mark Berkowitz]

Tom, I'll try to not make you paranoid, but the locals do not drink alcohol in the very same way as it is done in the West.  They tend to drink it up to the very last drop (because they live for today and not for any tomorrows).

With that being said, there are many 'out of control' drunk locals at night.  Even these very kind and gentle people can become hostile when they've had way too much to drink.  Be mindful of where you go at night.  I tend to stay at home at night whenever I'm in the Philippines.

[Tommy T.]

Thank you Mark. I understand and am actually familiar with this behaviour. It is fairly common through many if not most island cultures in the Pacific that I have visited. Huge, powerful Samoans who can be friendly and kind by day and sober often turn into virtual monsters at night. There are a lot of pent up hostilities there and Fiji, Tonga, Hawaii(!), Marshall Islands, Guam and on and on.

I do not go out much after dark either but sometimes it is necessary. At least I have a car so I feel marginally safer. On Samal Island I almost hit a guy with my motorcycle when heading to Davao at 11 at night - he was stumbling down the middle of the main road to the north and wearing dark clothes. It scared the you-know-what out of me - I think I might have left a trail!

And I don't worry about being paranoid when I know the whole world is out to get me - hahahaha!

I find it interesting and sad that virtually all islanders only live for today. In Fiji, I was with some Fijiaan friends who I got a ride with to an adjacent island from where I was anchored. They let me put out my fishing gear as we motored along around the reefs. Suddenly I got a strike! It was a fairly small, female Mahi Mahi. I started to remove the hook to throw it back and they shouted at me, "NO NO!!! If you throw it back then somebody else will catch and eat it!!!" So much for future.

I don't think I can really put myself in their situation, mentally. But I do think that some of it is because so many have what kind of future with wages of P300-500/day? And there don't seem to be too many opportunities to improve their lot because of so few decent jobs. Plus many families are large - 5-10 kids? I don't know, what is the average size here now? My SO was upset with her Mama when she was a young teenager and told her Mama that she was going to file a case against her for having so many kids (10 in her family)...so she understood then and now part of the problem...

Sorry... there I go again pontificating... I'm done now...

[Tommy T.]

I am very grateful to the several in this forum, like you, who have offered good advice to this relative newbie here in the Philippines. It is all well taken. I will be careful yet relax a lot more at the same time...

[Arizona Kid]

8 hours ago, Tommy T. said:

I am new on this forum. I searched and did not find this topic exactly so decided to give this a try. I apologize if it has been discussed before making this old news...

I have lived here for 3 1/2 years now, for two years on Samal Island and here in Davao for 1 1/2. I noticed early on that, whenever I went to a grocery store, restaurant, other store, wet market or simply walked on a street or rode my motorcycle that I seemed to draw a lot of stares. Sometimes I would hear the common, "Hey Joe!" mostly from kids or young adults. I didn't know how to react so mostly tried to ignore this. At times, I would be parking my bike and notice several young men just hanging out on their bikes and staring hard at me. Sometimes I would stare back until they looked away finally and a few times I smiled, but mostly, again, tried to ignore it. I just found it unsettling since I was unprepared for this sort of behaviour.

Now I have grown more accustomed to it. My partner suggested that people stared due to ignorance - lack of formal and informal education about foreigners. She also said that people stared because I am tall with blue eyes and that there was no malice, just bare curiosity. Since moving to Davao, I notice much less staring and fewer, "Hey Joe!" calls, but there are still some. When in Manila, Cebu or Olangapo, there seemed to be little to no staring and no calling out. I am guessing it is just because people in those places are used to seeing more foreigners there.

However, when my partner (who is very smart, and while not a raving beauty or very young, is still very attractive and younger than me (I am in my 60's)) and I are out together in malls or restaurants, etc., we both see people staring at us as a couple. With some we can actually read possibly distaste in their expressions while others it seems again just curiosity and yet others it looks like just a blank 1,000 yard stare...

So I am just posting this to remark that this behaviour - I was taught NOT to stare when I was a little kid - does bother me a bit and I am still trying to get used to it. I like living here and find most people to be friendly and respectful (except some of the drivers in their Fortuners). I would appreciate any comments or advice. 

Most Filipinos only see foreigners on TV. When they see one in person it's a special treat for them. It used to irritate me when I first moved here. My GF, my son and I go for a drive every afternoon and when we see a foreigner we always point them out also. It's all good.   

[Tommy T.]

That sounds really good... thank you for that comment! I take it to heart...

[fillipino_wannabe]

I don't think it's a bad thing, they just think we're good looking. My wife started a new business recently and nearly every time one of her suppliers delivers to us they ask if they can take a picture of me with their products and then go and spam it round facebook lol.

[Jack Peterson]

5 minutes ago, Tommy T. said:

That sounds really good... thank you for that comment! I take it to heart...

 Depending where you are and it is more in Larger Cities, you may find it is the Foreigner that stares at another Foreigner, Here on Negos and we are in Dumaguete it happens quite a Lot. Now, Maybe they just want to say Hello and see this as an invitation to talk or they just maybe envious of the Lady on your Arm, Me, I take no notice of most Foreigners I do not know but a quick Glance tells me what I feel I need to know, I decide if I want to say Hi and have a brief Chat, Those that hola hey guy to attract my attention are ignored as I would a Local I do not know.

 Each to our own but there are so many "Give me" people about. Low Profile is my Rule of thumb, Especially in Bars or Restos

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, fillipino_wannabe said:

can take a picture of me with their products and then go and spam it round facebook lol.

Photos? or it don't happen 

[Tommy T.]

Again, I agree with most all of your thoughts, Jack - thanks!

Yeah... I tend to try to keep as low a profile as possible, in spite of being a blue-eyed foreigner 6'1" tall! with the less than 5' tall lady. My Girl and I don't go to bars but just restaurants now and then. We visited Dumaguette last year and it felt mellow for both of us.

We have also had ex-pats just come up and, "Hello!" like we are best friends because we are both ex-pats....not! I had that happen when I was a sailor - people who assumed that, because we both sailed to some place, we were now going to be best friends - again...not! I am a fairly good judge of character and perhaps that sounds a bit nasty? But I size people up within a few seconds and, if I don't like my feelings, then there will be nothing beyond maybe, "Hi," and "Nice to meet you," then gone...

[JDDavao II]

I like it when people - especially little kids or women - stare at me because it gives me a chance to smile and get a smile back. Men, of course, are problematic but most get a nod such.

My wife will sometimes scolds me, "We don't know them, don't smile at them." But I tell her that I'm a brand ambassador for the USA so I try to at least do that. I can't hear much anymore so the smile is all I have. Smile diplomacy, if you will.

The staring keeps me humble, too. I get to feel a little bit like the one Korean girl in my High School felt. Or a little of what the one black woman in our church felt when I was a kid. Feeling different feels uncomfortable. It's good for me.