Our Filipino Extended Families And Our Own Families Honesty

[Mr Lee]

We have total trust in Her, she's more of a Daughter to us than a sister, earlier this year she helped us out with money as we were going through a bad patch. in fact honesty of Families be them from home countries or PI would make a good thread, I have to say my PI family are great they all live in Cebu city, but don't hassle me nor me them, we'll help them out if we can and they us, cant ask for much more than that.John

Above it a quote from Johnb from another thread and I too feel it would be a good topic to see how many of us have good things to say about our families and money issues, but as always I like to keep things balanced, so those of you who have bad things to say should also comment and tell us why you think things went wrong and maybe we can all learn from each others mistakes and learn how to make for good family relations.I can start out by telling you that my mistake with my Filipino family was my own fault by giving too much at the beginning because I saw how poor most were and it broke my heart. I have learned over time that giving large amounts of money to people who have never seen that much money in a months or a year or mores salary just makes some of them just blow it. We do have a niece who is a blessing and she never asks for anything and is always there to help us and our extended family and she has even given back money that I gave her to buy a new phone when hers broke, she bought a less expensive one and put the rest back into our bank account. I only wish everyone in our family was exactly like her and my wife but for the most part we do have a great family but they do not know how to handle money or plan for their futures and I am at a loss how to help them to a better life and often think they are better off without me even trying.Now as to my American family, I will not go there because the post would become too negative and some things are better left unsaid. :SugarwareZ-034:

[minnesota johnny]

We have total trust in Her, she's more of a Daughter to us than a sister, earlier this year she helped us out with money as we were going through a bad patch. in fact honesty of Families be them from home countries or PI would make a good thread, I have to say my PI family are great they all live in Cebu city, but don't hassle me nor me them, we'll help them out if we can and they us, cant ask for much more than that.John

Above it a quote from Johnb from another thread and I too feel it would be a good topic to see how many of us have good things to say about our families and money issues, but as always I like to keep things balanced, so those of you who have bad things to say should also comment and tell us why you think things went wrong and maybe we can all learn from each others mistakes and learn how to make for good family relations.I can start out by telling you that my mistake with my Filipino family was my own fault by giving too much at the beginning because I saw how poor most were and it broke my heart. I have learned over time that giving large amounts of money to people who have never seen that much money in a months or a year or mores salary just makes some of them just blow it. We do have a niece who is a blessing and she never asks for anything and is always there to help us and our extended family and she has even given back money that I gave her to buy a new phone when hers broke, she bought a less expensive one and put the rest back into our bank account. I only wish everyone in our family was exactly like her and my wife but for the most part we do have a great family but they do not know how to handle money or plan for their futures and I am at a loss how to help them to a better life and often think they are better off without me even trying.Now as to my American family, I will not go there because the post would become too negative and some things are better left unsaid.

Hi Lee, Minnesota Johnny here, i could not agree with you more about the money issue. It is so hard to tell how much to send and is that really going to be used for the intended perpose or what. What is really hard for me ,a guy who goes over once a year or two times if i am really luck. Still working here in the states and just making the trip over when possible. It is hard to figure out if it is for real and how much is a good figure to help out . It is always a tough call. About the family here just leave it be . Minnesota johnny

[tropicalwaste]

I think families get a raw deal in the Philippines from expats as there are good and bad in every family. If you want to weed them out spend some time with a few of the elder members. They will once you know them well enough and discussing "who they" would invest money in a business with etc. tell you that someone likes the cock fighting too much, drinking etc. and who has always been good with money from childhood etc. Do I trust my inlaws? my question to you would be do you trust all your blood relatives? Because anyone says he/she can trust everyone is likely to end up a fool further down the line. There are degrees of trust.I also dont believe in sending endless supplies of money on a monthly basis as this doesnt encourage people to work or develop. With Aprils relatives we formed up small business ventures and they are all running different ones. The result being everyone benefits and I just oversee if any problems arise so we can sort them out. How well does it work? Well 2 people are in full-time partnership and a third will start soon. They have sustainable incomes that are increasing and earning more than any job ever will. Total investment over the last two years into the Philippines is probably around P2million+ but that includes even buying land which we havent developed yet. Income generated is P50,000+ per month. Which is better than any bank will return. On top of that things like the internet cafe construction generated local employment for the last couple of months on its construction. The next stage is buying up some lots nearby for redevelopment into small expat apartments.I would never give a free hand because simply I see nobody has ever done it for me and look where I am today.. I have members of family I am waiting to find their feet and once they do I will help them develop ideas. But at no point would I drop cash into the ocean of allowances. Although we do operate healthcare within our operations for people who work for us.

[daisy]

I got this from my own father..anything you want to ask from him, there must be a corresponding receipt! Even the fees in school, he must be given the O.R. We can't escape from him... IF "no receipt" their will be NO next time! Honestly, there are times I hated it as a child! :SugarwareZ-037: And if you say you will borrow, you better pay it or not you are in his "ignore list" So funny, but even at this time if he will give me an errand I will come running to do it. If an Expat who wanted to help their extended family maybe, you also should need to ask what it is for and just subtly ask for the official receipt so that you will know if it really is a NEED and not just a WANT! I grow up with the mindset that money comes from hard work! Later on the extended family will realized that you are not someone to be just easily bullied on their "whims and caprices". and your dollar is as hard as their peso!. If at this point I am involved in Charities, it is only because I want to be able to be an instrument of those who are willing to give "the HAVES" to those who are worthy to be given and who really needed it, the HAVE NOTS! .....or maybe it is just the "rebel" in me subconsciously rebelling my own dad!

Edited November 11, 2009 by daisy

[softail]

On my first trip to meet my wife

[TheMason]

I haven't had an issue with the in-laws at all. We were asked for money one time and that was for a legitimate medical issue for our 3-year-old nephew. The request was a small amount and nothing has been said since about paying for his required medications....they are able to manage that on their own. All in all, my Filipino family are good, hard-working people who respect themselves. They would never ask for something frivolous or wasteful. Now, my American sister on the other hand...she always needs money for something or other. The annoying part is...when I ask her for a favor of my own...she always seems to have a monetary request at about the same time...everything with her has a price attached.

[Gold Heart]

On my first trip to meet my wife's family I decided to take everyone to Subic Bay/Olongapo for a get aquatinted as well as scouting trip. It turned out to be a big economic disaster. My wife was showing off for the family and burning thru cash like there was no tomorrow and there was no stopping her. By the time we got back to her families place we had burned thru two thirds of our trip money with 2 weeks to go, in other words we were nearly broke. In our room that night I had a big confrontation with the wife and made sure the whole family could hear. From that point on my wife has made sure that I am not looked at as a cash cow again. As far as sending money to the family, they really don't need it for everyday expenses, they have a nice hardware store as well as a nice walled compound with a beautiful house. Not poor people for the most part. We only send money for documented emergencies, such as an extended family member needed eye surgery, we went thirds with 2 other family members. Another time was during the recent flooding, some of the family members homes are across from the river and they were flooded out, we helped with that. Doug and Sally

This reminds me of a similar sitution and a funny story. I trust that my family would not take advantage of me or view me as a cash cow. I depend on my wife knowlege and understanding and our relationship to make sure this is understood. I ask her to make sure it is understood that I'm not rich and western standards and priorities are different.I similarly arranged a family outing at the Tambuli years ago early in our marriage and relationship. I was able to get 5 cottages on the beach where we would all (parents, kids and grandkids) stay 2 days and one night. The Tambuli did not allow you to bring and cook your own food (which they wanted to do) but I had stopped at a store so that they could buy and bring drinks and snacks. They did not pick very much from my offer. Breakfast was included in the rates. I arranged for our over night dinner to do a family style in the restaurant and ordered a wealth and variety of foods. I knew they would have difficulty ordering from the menu and seeing the prices order the cheapest thing. Even with this, they ate like birds but I arranged for everything to be take out which was consumed back in their rooms.I was shocked when I went to check out the next afternoon that practically the entire contents of the mini bar in each room (except ours) was consumed. My family thought these items were free. The people in the hotel could not hold back their obvious humor as my mini bar bill reached a Tambuli, Cebu, and maybe Guinness Book record and far exceeded the cost of the 5 rooms. My wife was embarrased to say the least. She was so upset with her family and lectured them in Cebuano about what happened. She would likely be upset if she knew I shared this.I believe they did not have the experience of staying in a hotel with min bars and I they did not have any disregard for costs. I trust that they would not take advantage of me and that they are frugal in there everyday experiences. Perhaps I'm lucky or fully duped. Edited January 15, 2010 by Gold Heart