I am living in another dimension

[stevewool]

Where is the girl I married my Filipino/English rose, the one who only last month was by my side in England .

She has disappeared and is mainly dragging her feet a good few steps behind me, talk about walking slow, and now she has a opinion on everything , over talking , over pointing with her lips , butting in and then the eyes rolling and manners , where have the  please and thank you gone .

Could it be we are in the Philippines and she has just gone back to being a Filipino, you do see many just dragging the feet , and there does not seem to be politeness on the streets , opening doors and don’t mention the drivers.

It seems we are having more debates about the house and what needs doing to be pretty in her eyes  rather then Steve’s practical eyes , so far I think I am ahead ,there is no lime greens and bright yellows paintwork, but she won on the bathroom sink and loo, the shower is still out for debate .
 

And another thing ,street food, Just try it she says, I say ‘ no thank you’ , go on just try it, then the sales person gets involve ‘ you try sir’, yes Ems says just try it it’s good , I DONT WANT ANY, then after all that kurfuffle she ends up buying what I did not want, yes double helpings .

Its much more fun in the Philippines and tiring sometimes too.

[manofthecoldland]

She's most likely switched to her other pre-programmed OS that was installed by her culture since birth.  Happens all the time. IMO

 

[manofthecoldland]

The default setting automatically re-activates when re-entering the country to survive.

[Mike J]

20 minutes ago, stevewool said:

And another thing ,street food, Just try it she says, I say ‘ no thank you’ , go on just try it, then the sales person gets involve ‘ you try sir’, yes Ems says just try it it’s good , I DONT WANT ANY, then after all that kurfuffle she ends up buying what I did not want, yes double helpings .

During the first year or so here I lost approximately 25 kilo of weight.  I was overweight when we arrived buy I had gotten rather skinny and gaunt looking.  My wife was continually scolding me; "you will get sick, you don't eat enough, Philippine food is healthy, etc".  I told her that if she wanted me to eat more then "stop bringing home street food everyday, and cook foods like we enjoyed in the USA"!  About the only street food that I really enjoy is the bbq pork or chicken on a skewer. 

As far as the other changes you see, I expect that she is feeling more confident, and willing to express her opinions, now that she is on her "home turf".  Just my uneducated opinion of course.     

[manofthecoldland]

32 minutes ago, Mike J said:

As far as the other changes you see, I expect that she is feeling more confident, and willing to express her opinions, now that she is on her "home turf".  Just my uneducated opinion of course.     

I agree. What's invisible to the eye is the fact that when returning Filipinas come back, they come back to positions of higher social rank and power.... and they know, or think they know, how it is to be wielded based upon their earlier life experiences. 

Some leave as citizen corporals in their husband's home country and are now socially promoted to high officer ranking on their new home bases.  Its always interesting how things go from that point forward. 

We've probably all experienced co-workers who are promoted to higher positions of authority, power and responsibility.... and sometimes the results are either positively or negatively quiet surprising to the people who thought the knew them well. Its a strange and unpredictable world sometimes.

[graham59]

On the other hand.... what happens to US as individuals, after we've been living here for an extended period of time.  

Certainly our relationships are well-tested, coming from such different cultures, as most of us do. 

Never has the old 'give and take' aspect of marriage been so important.  

[hk blues]

I'm only surprised that you're surprised, Steve.  The old adage "You can take the woman out of the Philippines (insert any place) but not the Philippines out of the woman" exists for a good reason.  

if you're going to spend any length of time here, then you are going to need to accept that your partner will change when she's here (mine's hasn't but everyone is different)

 

Edited December 10, 2019 by hk blues

[JDDavao II]

Most likely, you were the "leader" in your relationship in England. My wife was dependent upon me when we lived in the US. She required prodding to even go out by herself, 'round the corner to the Goodwill store to shop for bargains. Our roles reversed when we came here. Clearly, my bad hearing plays a role in how much power she has in the relationship now but from the moment we settled in, she has been Enhanced Wife, unafraid of anything in her own environment.

In the Philippines, the wife is the Domestic General. Her jobs are legion. She not only is responsible for creating the nest and maintaining standards, she's responsible for YOU.

I've told this story before but when I was growing up, I was pretty isolated. We were a meat and potatoes family. The most exotic thing we ate was chicken chow mein that came from a double can, one with crunchy fried noodles on top. By the time I was an adult and "foreign" foods began arriving in my home town, I was scared to try them. I once refused a Chinese dinner with a girlfriend's parents because I'd never eaten it before and was afraid I'd hate it and embarrass myself!

Fast forward to today to me complaining that the fermented fried shrimp paste served with the kare-kare isn't spicy enough.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that part of her status and of her well-being, is you. My wife's friends are all still amazed at how much I like Filipino food (any kind). It bumps her status  up to have chosen the "right" man, one who appreciates the food of the Philippines, as her husband. They are, in a very real way, a little jealous of her.

You will find that "a little jealous" is exactly what Ems is aiming for as a reaction from her friends and family. She *had* to buy that food from the vendor to save face.

She's feeling her oats now that she's back home. My advice is, treat her like a kite. Let her dance in the sky but be her connection to the ground.

[Jake]

In another dimension?  Don't forget about the alter reality of Filipino Time dimension.  

[expatuk2014]

Aah the Filipino woman ! They may be small in stature in the UK her fav weekend treat was boot fairs ! And the only way i could see her when i was half way round was her umbrella ! A nice sunny day and she was the only one with an umbralla ! Well untill she told her Filipino friends about bootfairs ! And yes when back in the Philippines its the slow crawl walking, and her showing her friends her Kano ! And the never ending furniture re-arranging and everything in its place ! But we love them !