There is no need to talk to me like that

[stevewool]

49 minutes ago, hk blues said:

 

The key point is the wife - she has to be onboard or trouble will simmer. 

Yes I agree the wife has to be onboard , but what happens when you think she is afraid to voice here opinion without being bullied , I am sure I have walked into some situations when it all sounds heated in there own language then it all seems to go quite and I will asked and she will say it’s nothing , but the people in the room all leave.

Since New Years experience I have not seen the family they have not called in to see Emma, surely it’s not because I told the kids to clean up after themselves and it’s not tita Emma’s job, I now just have the lazy git of the brother who thinks he’s king , but as he refuses to talk in English we don’t speak he does not bother me .

[hk blues]

1 minute ago, stevewool said:

Yes I agree the wife has to be onboard , but what happens when you think she is afraid to voice here opinion without being bullied , I am sure I have walked into some situations when it all sounds heated in there own language then it all seems to go quite and I will asked and she will say it’s nothing , but the people in the room all leave.

Since New Years experience I have not seen the family they have not called in to see Emma, surely it’s not because I told the kids to clean up after themselves and it’s not tita Emma’s job, I now just have the lazy git of the brother who thinks he’s king , but as he refuses to talk in English we don’t speak he does not bother me .

It's a bit of a generalisation but as their daughter/sister/cousin has married a rich Westerner  some expectations have been set. Perhaps your wife has even added to this expectation level by "boasting" - maybe yes, maybe no.  So, if you're here and not meeting those expectations then there will be words.  Also, they do not expect non-family members to interfere in pretty much anything, including chastising the errant kids, so that will be a problem if you do that.  

In short, every good thing you do is just what they expected so no brownie points but everything "bad" you do is deducted with no allowance for culture.  It's a one-way street in many ways.  

IF you can come to terms with this, you will do OK.  IF not...

[stevewool]

5 hours ago, hk blues said:

IF you can come to terms with this, you will do OK.  IF not...

Well I have worked hard all my life to get this far and I have not earned enough to keep lazy buggers and if a kid/ young adult has not been taught any manners when they are  in my company they will learn them , sorry but  somethings  you can change to keep the peace but I too have morels , just saying 

[Viking]

8 hours ago, stevewool said:

Since New Years experience I have not seen the family they have not called in to see Emma, surely it’s not because I told the kids to clean up after themselves and it’s not tita Emma’s job, I now just have the lazy git of the brother who thinks he’s king , but as he refuses to talk in English we don’t speak he does not bother me .

Perfect, nothing to complain about, hahahaha

Just as HK said, they see things in different ways than we do, but in OUR house it is OUR rules! If they don´t like it, they can stay away because we dont force them to come.

[Marvin Boggs]

On 1/17/2020 at 10:50 PM, Old55 said:

Two island rule my friend. We know you love Em’s very much and she loves you. Take the family out of your day to day life and start enjoying Philippines and a happy marriage.

The two island rule is fantastic.  Mama is just a boat ride away if she really gets homesick.  

[Marvin Boggs]

10 hours ago, hk blues said:

It's a bit of a generalisation but as their daughter/sister/cousin has married a rich Westerner  some expectations have been set. Perhaps your wife has even added to this expectation level by "boasting" - maybe yes, maybe no.  So, if you're here and not meeting those expectations then there will be words.  Also, they do not expect non-family members to interfere in pretty much anything, including chastising the errant kids, so that will be a problem if you do that.  

In short, every good thing you do is just what they expected so no brownie points but everything "bad" you do is deducted with no allowance for culture.  It's a one-way street in many ways.  

IF you can come to terms with this, you will do OK.  IF not...

Its interesting, I've heard of what you describe but maybe just got lucky.  In our situation, its usually me they are trying to please or get tacit approval from.  Funny recent example was fireworks, which cost money and are 'dangerous' according to mama, so when I asked about 'em on Dec. 31, I could tell I hit a hot button topic.  Nevertheless, the Kano wanted them, so next thing I knew we are all in the tricycle riding to the fireworks shop.  Papa and I had a great time with it.  Mama still fixed my coffee next morning :)

On the OP subject of driving, I can say my wife is a little bit ...ahh.... hot headed about traffic as well.  She doesn't ever yell at her Dad, who drives like a maniac.  But she yells at me when OTHER people are at fault, haha.  One funny comment we got from a younger passenger was "why is Kuya so calm when you're angry?"  I think its because I have about 23 years perspective on her 

 

[RBM]

Steve reading through your posts I just am not able to imagine a happy long lasting time here while your in the vicinity of family. From an out siders view point yourself an Emma must move far away from where you are, write off what you have spent to a hands on learning experience.

[stevewool]

1 hour ago, RBM said:

Steve reading through your posts I just am not able to imagine a happy long lasting time here while your in the vicinity of family. From an out siders view point yourself an Emma must move far away from where you are, write off what you have spent to a hands on learning experience.

You are right, our main home will be England always ,this house will be a stepping of point to visit friends if and when we decide to come on holiday here, I have already told Emma all this , it was a chance for me to see if it could be done living with family members and I have not thrown the towel in but it will not happen again for me, now Emma can come back anytime she would like , she is happy here but only for so long as she says .

It will be good to see the house finished to what we have wanted plus paid for, and it will be nice to see it again next time to see if it’s in the same condition we left it, somehow I don’t think it will, but I could be wrong .

Anyway me and Ems are still a team and I am still looking for that place we could call our new home whether it’s here or back in Europe 

[Jack Peterson]

1 hour ago, stevewool said:

I am still looking for that place we could call our new home whether it’s here or back in Europe 

 Yes steve, I used to be Confused & Indecisive  as well, now I just can't make my mind up  Just make sure you are both in the same place when you need each other  That day will come mate 

Edited January 21, 2020 by Jack Peterson
added a word, what a fool I can be

[stevewool]

2 hours ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Yes steve, I used to be Confused & Indecisive  as well, now I just can't make my mind up  Just make sure you are both in the same place when you need each other  That day will come mate 

I am sure we will Jack .