There is no need to talk to me like that

[hk blues]

30 minutes ago, stevewool said:

....will it effect my last few weeks here not really , will it effect my life once back in England , not at all.

 

And that's all you really to think about Steve. 

[Viking]

4 hours ago, stevewool said:

Well folks I have listened and read lots of good advice from many folk on here and I thought ok let’s have another shot of this family thing and yesterday evening gave me the opportunity.

The bro in law was again talking to Emma and again it sounded like world war 3 was about to start so I just listened as he always talks in Tagalog, anyway I just listened and I could make out the odd few words like the house , his cleaning and no pay from myself and Emma for him keeping the house clean for over 6 years .

Do he help paying the bills? Do he pay any rent for staying in the house you and Emma have financed? If not. I think he has  "walang hiya" (no shame) in his body, asking to get payed for cleaning 

To be honest to you Steve, I don´t think you will be lucky staying in this house for an extended period, as long as you have to share it with other people.

[stevewool]

7 minutes ago, Viking said:

Do he help paying the bills? Do he pay any rent for staying in the house you and Emma have financed? If not. I think he has  "walang hiya" (no shame) in his body, asking to get payed for cleaning 

To be honest to you Steve, I don´t think you will be lucky staying in this house for an extended period, as long as you have to share it with other people.

He pays nothing , in the ten years of knowing Ems he has never had a job and his father supports him who works as a tricycle rider, it seems the rest of the family turn there eyes away , like I have said Emma has financed most of this house build and I do have a interest in the build and where the money goes, and I know that has caused a stink because they want it doing different to our plans but this is where I say it’s our money keep out.

I have refused to put any of my/ our money into this house there is no furniture going in the upstairs ( our place) we both have blow up beds and canvas wardrobe , so when we leave there will be nothing but empty space for them to abuse, even though they have said they won’t use it, but I don’t believe them.

You are right if we come again for a long period of say 3 months we will be away from here longer then we are in it, it’s not helped being here on site with the builders doing there work but again I don’t want the brother interfering and trying to change things , there is still a ongoing argument about the outside stairway they want this and it is not happening and I have 5 weeks left to either do it my way or no way .

Again I must say i have had more good times then bad times even though it may not sound like it, I have tried to fit in but where It seems I went wrong was not agreeing with all there needs , again I must stress the father in law even though his English is limited he does try he buys me breakfast ever morning and we do get on fine even thought he has his little plans for the build , but again I will listen then just say Hindi and he will laugh .

In a way I am hoping that the next time we are here and we have spoken it will be next January time I am hoping the house is a sh-t hole and that will prove what I have been trying to say to Ems all this time and that is why I am taking pictures of every room inside and outside 

[Viking]

On 1/21/2020 at 7:58 AM, hk blues said:

I'm not saying you should spend any of your hard earned on them, I'm saying they expect you to.  And if you don't, you and yours will face troubles - is it fair - No, but it's reality for many foreigners here.  

As for teaching manners, with all due respect that is certainly going to land you in hot water anywhere, never mind here.  IMO. 

People can expect many things, but it does not mean that they get as they want. Different people have different expectations, we do what we find right. If we should do what other people want we have to be like a chameleons, lol.

 

cha

 

[Viking]

On 1/21/2020 at 8:01 AM, hk blues said:

 

Deleted

Edited January 22, 2020 by Viking
Double post

[Viking]

22 minutes ago, stevewool said:

He pays nothing , in the ten years of knowing Ems he has never had a job and his father supports him who works as a tricycle rider, it seems the rest of the family turn there eyes away , like I have said Emma has financed most of this house build and I do have a interest in the build and where the money goes, and I know that has caused a stink because they want it doing different to our plans but this is where I say it’s our money keep out.

I have refused to put any of my/ our money into this house there is no furniture going in the upstairs ( our place) we both have blow up beds and canvas wardrobe , so when we leave there will be nothing but empty space for them to abuse, even though they have said they won’t use it, but I don’t believe them.

You are right if we come again for a long period of say 3 months we will be away from here longer then we are in it, it’s not helped being here on site with the builders doing there work but again I don’t want the brother interfering and trying to change things , there is still a ongoing argument about the outside stairway they want this and it is not happening and I have 5 weeks left to either do it my way or no way .

Again I must say i have had more good times then bad times even though it may not sound like it, I have tried to fit in but where It seems I went wrong was not agreeing with all there needs , again I must stress the father in law even though his English is limited he does try he buys me breakfast ever morning and we do get on fine even thought he has his little plans for the build , but again I will listen then just say Hindi and he will laugh .

In a way I am hoping that the next time we are here and we have spoken it will be next January time I am hoping the house is a sh-t hole and that will prove what I have been trying to say to Ems all this time and that is why I am taking pictures of every room inside and outside 

I understand you Steve. It is not easy, but you have to find a way that is acceptable for both you and Emma. Sad to say, but it is VERY common in Philippines that there is one person or more, in the family that is just like your BIL and I don´t understand why, but the rest of the family usually to accept it .

I can help someone because they have a problem, sickness or similar things, but I will never give help to a person who is just lazy, period!! As far as I am conserned, this  goes on just because people allow it. I had to work for my money and benefits and so will they have to do if they want it.

I have a sister in law who always complain about that she don´t have any money. I use to tell her, of course you don´t have any money, you are not working!!!

We will move later this year to my wifes house. It was built 15 years ago and we made the mistake of sending a blueprint to her father, and should make sure all was ok. When we arrived to see the house for the first time, I asked what happened to the plans we sent him? We got a reply, I had a better plan  Now when we get there we will start renovating and rebuild the whole house, so we get it the way we want it. Her father was a good guy but he was like the typical pinoy, he wanted it his way, lol. He passed away a few years ago and since then the sis in law (the one with no money) and her family has stayed in the house. She will move out when we get there. She still hope that we will change our mind and let them stay together with us, but that wont happen. She know that and even her brothers have told her that. They will move back to her husbands house, where they lived before. They did ofcorse not pay any rent either, but had lots of ideas what we should fix and improve in the house. They remind me of your BIL, bad in cleaning and no maintanence when things break, but atleast they did not ask to get payed for the cleaning they do, lol.

[stevewool]

Again it just shows that we are not alone in the problems many of us face , and like you say if they are just plane lazy well that’s there problem not mine .

[graham59]

You're a lot more tolerant than I am Steve.

Sounds like a bloody nightmare. I'd have tossed that idle git out long ago, first off.   

One thing I am NOT here, is a damned ATM or free ride for ANYBODY.  I worked 50 years for my meagre pension.

I have some really good male rellies who come and do a job of work for me (construction), and whom I pay the going rate to, and then off home they go. Bye bye.   

That's how it will continue.  No rellies staying here. No money lent out. Nobody knocking on my/our door uninvited....and we have dozens of them within walking distance.  

 

[GeoffH]

8 hours ago, graham59 said:

No rellies staying here. No money lent out. Nobody knocking on my/our door uninvited

I feel like I'm between Steve's position and yours...

We live with SWMBO's mama and papa and here brother has a room he stays in when he's there (he works and is away a lot) and her sister (who also works and isn't there much).

But I enjoy the company to be honest papa and I do small projects on the house (if he's not working on or cleaning the taxi) or we sit and have a beer in the evening and mama cooks dinner and cleans and does washing.

Yes I've got some relatives close (well when I'm there, right now I'm not) but it works for us, I think it helps that they are all motivated/work and don't ask for money.

Some of the relatives, well that is a different matter but they're a few hours away (not two islands but further than they can travel with their budget) 

 

Steve, I'm not sure I could be as tolerant as you either!

[Gary D]

Yes remember you are a foreigner and not blood. He may be a waster but the whole family will gang up on you if you say the wrong thing.