Asawa Ko Issues - The Novela

[Tommy T.]

I will just suggest that you do not even consider "retribution," no matter what the reason or cause. Life is very cheap here in Philippines. And yours could easily be forfeit if your money support becomes unavailable.  Just be very careful what you say and do.

And I agree with some previous advice.... something is very wrong if your asawa avoids intimacy.  Again... be careful...

Edited February 16, 2020 by Tommy T.

[stevewool]

2 minutes ago, Tommy T. said:

I will just suggest that you do not even consider "retribution," no matter what the reason or cause. Life is very cheap here in Philippines. And yours could easily be forfeit it your money support becomes unavailable.  Just be very careful what you say and do.

And I agree with some previous advice.... something is very wrong if your asawa avoids intimacy.  Again... be careful...

There are a few that will always support the family , then there is the family that will always bleed the person dry over time , it’s getting the happy medium where everyone is ok about it and it seems that the OP has had enough or has come to his senses that something is seriously wrong , remember BigMac 

[Old55]

It was disheartening to read your situation I wish you the best whatever the outcome.

My wife says your wife is in it for the money.

We can learn a valuable lesson from your experience. Always have enough secure savings for an exit plan.  

[ITGeek]

17 hours ago, Balisidar said:

So I talked to my wife and she thinks that your Nueva cija girl (my wife is tagalog) is using you for her family.  My wife says this area is made up of poor farmers. Just to put some things in perspective, my wife and I have been married for thirty four years and we've had a few fights about supporting her family so we've compromised in giving money.  Bottom line we don't give much.

My wife also thinks your wife is messing around.

She was pretty frank on the subject and thinks your wife wants your money, not your heart.  She said your wife has no heart. She said be careful.  She also said she feels sorry for you 😢.

That's her Filipina take on things.  😂😁

That aligns with what my sisters in US along with my OFW Filipina friend (who is brutally honest) stated.  My eldest sister (ate) in US is a RN in Bay Area of CA and works with many Filipina nurses (Capt. Obvious).  They believe asawa ko's pamilya are pressuring her for financial support as I'm the primary source of income for them.  This scenario makes more sense since we moved into her family house.  Prior to moving here, we had a happy and healthy relationship and as someone else stated, the 2 island or 8 hr rule (2 city, 2 hr rule in my case) might've applied. 

I don't believe my health issue is a factor.  As I stated in a previous post, their family would be wise to keep me healthy and happy.  Only regular Social Security benefits are passed on to a US citizen's spouse (US citizen or foreign national).  Where as my SSDI benefits would die with me, but dependent benefits would continue until his 19th bday. 

I don't suspect any current infidelity, especially given the many discussions regarding  how current Filipino law favors men (mga lalaki).  Whereas mga lalaki can have mistresses without much legal problems. I know some Filipinas can be insanely jealous (due to their Spanish blood).  I've been on the receiving end of my ex-gf who was Latina (Mexican).  However, they are amateurs when it comes to Chinese women.  Just watch a group of Chinese grandmothers playing Mahjong and you'll understand. 

 I do understand after a couple of previous replies in here as to why she or none of her family ever discuss her past or anak's father.  They must think if I find out, they could lose their primary source of income (me).  Yet, I hear the tsismis on the youngest sister who has 4 illegitimate kids with 3 different fathers and a little on her ate who is married with 3 kids.  Yet, I never her any tsismis on asawa ko.

I've communicated the problems several times about finances, relationship issues and offered reasonable ideas how to keep the relationship healthy.  I've been patient for about a year and still no changes.  It ultimately reduces to if both sides don't work to fix the relationship, then it never will work out.  That's why I am preparing to move out for my own financially, physical and emotional health.  If she truly does love me, like others have replied, she would follow me.

Edited February 17, 2020 by ITGeek
correction

[ITGeek]

10 hours ago, Old55 said:

It was disheartening to read your situation I wish you the best whatever the outcome.

My wife says your wife is in it for the money.

We can learn a valuable lesson from your experience. Always have enough secure savings for an exit plan.  

That is why I chose to post my experience in this forum.  Not only help for myself, but also as an example for others.  I have enough in savings now to move out.  But I don't have anywhere lined up.  My preference is to live somewhere along Zambales coast which is more secluded and within a couple hours to Subic or a day trip to Angeles.  The difficult part is finding an affordable bahay to rent (less than 30k pesos/mo) or buy cash (request a withdraw from a trust fund) or finance (less than 2m pesos).    A simple 2bd/1ba (western style) bahay within walking distance to beach is preferable. I also understand from friend in Iba that PLDT Home Fibr is available between San Antonio to Iba.  That is not a requirement, but definitely a preference since I stream US shows via VPN.

Edited February 17, 2020 by ITGeek
correction

[ITGeek]

10 hours ago, Tommy T. said:

I will just suggest that you do not even consider "retribution," no matter what the reason or cause. Life is very cheap here in Philippines. And yours could easily be forfeit if your money support becomes unavailable.  Just be very careful what you say and do.

And I agree with some previous advice.... something is very wrong if your asawa avoids intimacy.  Again... be careful...

If there is anything I know about Filipino culture is to let them save face.  I'm not even considering retribution whatever the root cause.  I'm just looking to escape from a toxic relationship/environment that is adversely impacting my health.  I'm also wise enough to take my US family's and Filipinas advice to be discrete about saving the money and finding place to move.  Then I can move out and hopefully avoid any type of confrontation. As I stated in my OP,  they all agree not to worry about the well being of my son, he is well taken care of and his SSDI dependent benefits are more than enough to support the immediate family.

[hk blues]

On 2/16/2020 at 4:58 PM, Arizona Kid said:

I say that nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them. Grow a pair! 

Harsh.

But fair! 

[Gary D]

1 hour ago, ITGeek said:

That is why I chose to post my experience in this forum.  Not only help for myself, but also as an example for others.  I have enough in savings now to move out.  But I don't have anywhere lined up.  My preference is to live somewhere along Zambales coast which is more secluded and within a couple hours to Subic or a day trip to Angeles.  The difficult part is finding an affordable bahay to rent (less than 30k pesos/mo) or buy cash (request a withdraw from a trust fund) or finance (less than 2m pesos).    A simple 2bd/1ba (western style) bahay within walking distance to beach is preferable. I also understand from friend in Iba that PLDT Home Fibr is available between San Antonio to Iba.  That is not a requirement, but definitely a preference since I stream US shows via VPN.

In the provinces 30k per month should get you something pretty decent. Don't forget that as a foreigner you can only own a condo and 2m is not going to get you much if anything.

[graham59]

p30,000 a month should get you a 'PALACE' in the province.

Before I bought the land to build our house on (in Pangasinan),  we had a 2 bed 1 bath brand new second floor unfurnished apartment,  with large balcony, close to the centre of our small town. Rent....p5000 per month. (2015./16). 

The smaller apartment we had before that was p3000 per month.

Our water bill is around p250 per month, electric (no aircon) between p1,000 and p1,500 per month.  Our PLDT Home Fiber  (25meg) is p1899 per month. 

I have a wife and 4 year-old. Relatives are everywhere nearby.  I have a fraction of the OP's income, and I don't support any of them !

Maybe after they've worked the 50 years that I did to qualify for my pension, they will be entitled to an opinion on the matter. 

Edited February 17, 2020 by graham59

[OnMyWay]

19 minutes ago, graham59 said:

p30,000 a month should get you a 'PALACE' in the province.

That particular area of Zambales is very popular lately and prices have gone up, but I agree that nowhere near 30,000 is needed unless you want a place right on the beach.