Family, Food, Money Cause Women Ofws Stress

[Mr Lee]

Well guys and girls, it seems like we are not the only ones who are seen as rich and often taken advantage of, but how can this be fixed? How can some of the families that take advantage or waste the money given be taught to understand that OFW or expats may not be rich and usually have to work hard for what they are getting? How have any of you or your better half taught your extended families to not see you as a money tree? Family expectations, money, relationship with employers, and food and religious beliefs in host country are five of the most common causes of stress among women overseas Filipino workers.

[Singers]

Well guys and girls, it seems like we are not the only ones who are seen as rich and often taken advantage of, but how can this be fixed? How can some of the families that take advantage or waste the money given be taught to understand that OFW or expats may not be rich and usually have to work hard for what they are getting? How have any of you or your better half taught your extended families to not see you as a money tree? Family expectations, money, relationship with employers, and food and religious beliefs in host country are five of the most common causes of stress among women overseas Filipino workers."Usually, women OFWs are stressed not by work but by what happens in their home countries. Money is another key stress factor, especially if money is not enough or if it is mismanaged by relatives," Link to the complete story

Hi Mr Lee,This subject has had many "Airings". No conclusion and not likely to have one. Each set of circumstances ARE different. In my case I behaved generously - as you did- in the beginning of our marriage. My wife had graduated a year before we married. Tex had extended the family home from her Singapore income. She finished her "On Job Training" work requirement for her PI degree course and then did a shift as a waitress!! To send money home! from S'Pore.When we married I could understand her desire to complete the house with a modern structure. That was finished Dec 2007. Her youngest brother was studying Engineering and she wanted to help with his fees. I was happy to do this. Tex is the second youngest of 10. Seven have Degrees. Her parents are 62 & 63 years old. Fathers health is not so strong but he does a days work on the farm and employs some labourers now also.. The farm that reared and educated 10 children.... There is only her parents at home now. Another sister who lived there has just got a job in Ormoc. The youngest graduated early last year and has employment as a Government Engineer. NOW --- The crunch!! Tex wants to continue sending money to support her parents and pay for Meds. I asked "if the farm supported 12 before why can it not now support only 2 ??? your parents. You have 7 working sisters why can they not help support your parents.? Young brother is now earning so why does he not pay to support his parents?.Her reply " I dont want to ask young Bro. to contribute - he has worked hard studying"???!!!. Last week I was informed, inadvertantly, that her shopkeeper/rice trader/Accountant eldest brother living only 1/4 mile from his parents has paid for the Med's for the last few months AS A LOAN TO TEX !!. I am now at "crunch time" domestically. My expresssion of disbelief is answered with,"Its our Culture" -- OK but it is not my Culture!. We are not in PI - we are in UK!."I want to help" -- OK but why are the other members of your family not helping??I have now said "No more". FIN - Kaput Money Tree!.Tex works and has sent about ALL her Net income home over the last 3 years if the cost of building the new home is included.Her Senior Nurse , a Filipina here in UK, sends money to her parents - but her father gambles and drinks it away. The girl now works some double shifts to earn more to send home!!. She has a six month old baby here in UK and looks exhausted all the time. I asked her Filipino husband how he felt. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders and said "Its our Culture - you would not understand Tom".All, or any, contributions from Forum members welcome. UK Tom PS Double shift = "Long Day" 07.45hr. to 21.30hr. That's 13 hours 45 mins. -- LOCO CRAZZY!!:cheers: Edited March 1, 2010 by Singers

[Jake]

Totally agree with you UK Tom -- each situation will not have a standard set of solutions because like you said: "each set of circumstances are different". But I do admire both you and Tex in producing 7 out 10 college degree holders within your wife's extended family. That is quite an achievement.Now it's time to put your foot down. Your argument is solid with me. Those same degree holders should pick up the slack and NOT rely on your generous heart anymore. In my own opinion, you have already earned a position of family authority. As in my case, the only person I required to support my argument was from my own wife, Judy. Unfortunately, our relationship was strained to begin with and I failed miserably. I essentially said "bahal la na" and returned to USA without my wife. Took awhile to fix but it's all good now.Lessons learned? Yeah, don't follow my footsteps. There must be some sort of compromise. Maybe continue but reduce financial support and/or contribute from your wife's resources only. Please don't allow external forces tojeopardize your marriage.I believe I speak for every member -- you and me would like to grow younger during our senior years, without all the unnecessary stress and drama. I wish you the best of luck UK Tom.Respectfully -- Jake

[TheMason]

Well guys and girls, it seems like we are not the only ones who are seen as rich and often taken advantage of, but how can this be fixed? How can some of the families that take advantage or waste the money given be taught to understand that OFW or expats may not be rich and usually have to work hard for what they are getting? How have any of you or your better half taught your extended families to not see you as a money tree?

Well, most OFWs and virtually all expats ARE rich by Filipino standards. Whether or not we have to work hard for that wealth is irrelevant to the fact we are wealthy. Maybe we we don't consider ourselves wealthy, or we don't like to be identified as wealthy, but we still are. We all have monthly budgets that far exceed the poverty level (6000php per month for a family of 5). Many of us have real estate holdings in the Philippines, home country, or both. You will not convince Filipinos that you we are not wealthy because the plain and simple fact is that we ARE wealthy. So quit trying to convince people your poor. We can all choose to share that wealth with our families or not as we see fit, but convincing them we're not rich? Not going to happen. Might as well try to convince them that night is day.

[Travis]

Well guys and girls, it seems like we are not the only ones who are seen as rich and often taken advantage of, but how can this be fixed? How can some of the families that take advantage or waste the money given be taught to understand that OFW or expats may not be rich and usually have to work hard for what they are getting? How have any of you or your better half taught your extended families to not see you as a money tree?

Well, most OFWs and virtually all expats ARE rich by Filipino standards. Whether or not we have to work hard for that wealth is irrelevant to the fact we are wealthy. Maybe we we don't consider ourselves wealthy, or we don't like to be identified as wealthy, but we still are. We all have monthly budgets that far exceed the poverty level (6000php per month for a family of 5). Many of us have real estate holdings in the Philippines, home country, or both. You will not convince Filipinos that you we are not wealthy because the plain and simple fact is that we ARE wealthy. So quit trying to convince people your poor. We can all choose to share that wealth with our families or not as we see fit, but convincing them we're not rich? Not going to happen. Might as well try to convince them that night is day.

in my opinion people who spoil their families are fools & do their families no good by turning them into atm watchers, not me & I would set the family straight from day one. I do not feel rich when I barely have enough left over each year to buy a ticket out of here if an emergency should happen so I am not rich & I have to save in case I get ill & if a family does not understant that then I will stay single

[Singers]

Totally agree with you UK Tom -- each situation will not have a standard set of solutions because like you said: "each set of circumstances are different". But I do admire both you and Tex in producing 7 out 10 college degree holders within your wife's extended family. That is quite an achievement.Now it's time to put your foot down. Your argument is solid with me. Those same degree holders should pick up the slack and NOT rely on your generous heart anymore. In my own opinion, you have already earned a position of family authority. As in my case, the only person I required to support my argument was from my own wife, Judy. Unfortunately, our relationship was strained to begin with and I failed miserably. I essentially said "bahal la na" and returned to USA without my wife. Took awhile to fix but it's all good now.Lessons learned? Yeah, don't follow my footsteps. There must be some sort of compromise. Maybe continue but reduce financial support and/or contribute from your wife's resources only. Please don't allow external forces tojeopardize your marriage.I believe I speak for every member -- you and me would like to grow younger during our senior years, without all the unnecessary stress and drama. I wish you the best of luck UK Tom.Respectfully -- Jake

Thank you , JakeTex is an intelligent, confident and socially capable woman. We are "SoulMates". Great together and Tex is adored by my family. ( (my Sons & Ex. Xcluded). I was divorced 6 years when I met Tex.?)The ONLY time! her normal "business thinking" goes awry is in regard to Family support (Money home to PI).Her very kindness is being taken advantage of. IMOYes - it causes me a lot of stress. It is the only thing we have conflict over. I ask why should I (we) support her parents who are the same age as me?Tex's two fav. Ladies in my family said, as you did, a reduction should be immediate. That surprised Tex and she was visibly taken aback.The Tampo is more subdued today. I think the glass doors in our home will now survive.! I was very surprised how hard they could be slammed shut and NOT break.!!Many thanks Jake,Kind regards,UK TomPS. If a Man is alone in a forrest and says something out loud - which no woman hears! ....... Is he still WRONG?.:cool_beans: Edited March 1, 2010 by Singers

[Art2ro]

In my case, I chopped down the money tree long time ago and moved further away! It worked! Besides that, my wife's parents are in the U.S., retired and drawing Social Security and where as both of my parents have since pasted away long ago! :cool_beans:

Edited March 1, 2010 by Art & Jho

[Singers]

In my case, I chopped down the money tree long time ago and moved further away! It worked! Besides that, my wife's parents are in the U.S., retired and drawing Social Security and where as both of my parents have since pasted away long ago! :cool_beans:

Thanks Art,Tex has a Cousin, from her BRGY, now in Germany married to a German and they have extended the family home in PI as we did. The money sent home by her Cousin is compared to our's of course. Tex's Cousins, German cousins brothers, are young, fit, jobless and always at home awaiting the next remittance from Germany. Tex views this "sponging" adversely BUT would gladly do the same for her Parents.??? AND views my "stance" as a "slight "on her siblings BECAUSE they are working!!! unlike her cousins???.:whistling: Edited March 1, 2010 by Singers

[TheMason]

in my opinion people who spoil their families are fools & do their families no good by turning them into atm watchers, not me & I would set the family straight from day one. I do not feel rich when I barely have enough left over each year to buy a ticket out of here if an emergency should happen so I am not rich & I have to save in case I get ill & if a family does not understant that then I will stay single

This is a perfect illustration of my point. In your eyes, you are just scraping by because you barely have enough left over to buy the ticket each year. To an average Filipino, you are wealthy beyond belief because you can afford to spend so much money for something like travel. Many Filipinos cannot afford the 500 peso bus fare from Manila to Baguio, yet you can afford 50k for a plane ticket. Try telling the people that can't afford the bus ticket how poor you are because you can barely afford the 50k airfare. I doubt they'll see you as their financial equal or have sympathy for your perceived poverty.

[Art2ro]

When my wife and I got married and she became a U.S. Citizen, her parents were poor and unemployed in the Philippines, but still healthy and in their early 50s when I helped my wife petition her parents to immigrate to the U.S.. After 6 months after their arrival in the U.S., they both were able to find gainful employment in the electronics industry which was booming at that time! To make a story short, yes it is true when opportunity is available and one has the determination to work hard for a living no matter what it is, one can get ahead and become independent which my in-laws did and never became a burden on to me or on our U.S. society. They are now both retired and receiving their Social Security pensions and Medicare benefits, but her Dad still continues to work part time at the age of 70! He says he still likes to work, because his job at the airport is easy and the extra money comes in handy so he can send money to their second daughter and 3 grand kids in the Philippines! My wife's younger sister (widowed at a young age of 25) and daughter are finally in the U.S. and living with their parents, and she has a certificate in the medical profession after finishing school recently at Heald College and will be starting her new job next month even with the recession is still going on!!!! BTW, her Dad just became a U.S. Citizen a few months ago and her Mom will follow suite maybe next year. They have no plans in retiring in the Philippines, because they're already set in their ways in the good ole U.S. of A!!!!!:cool_beans:

Edited March 1, 2010 by Art & Jho