Family, Food, Money Cause Women Ofws Stress

[Travis]

in my opinion people who spoil their families are fools & do their families no good by turning them into atm watchers, not me & I would set the family straight from day one. I do not feel rich when I barely have enough left over each year to buy a ticket out of here if an emergency should happen so I am not rich & I have to save in case I get ill & if a family does not understant that then I will stay single

This is a perfect illustration of my point. In your eyes, you are just scraping by because you barely have enough left over to buy the ticket each year. To an average Filipino, you are wealthy beyond belief because you can afford to spend so much money for something like travel. Many Filipinos cannot afford the 500 peso bus fare from Manila to Baguio, yet you can afford 50k for a plane ticket. Try telling the people that can't afford the bus ticket how poor you are because you can barely afford the 50k airfare. I doubt they'll see you as their financial equal or have sympathy for your perceived poverty.

you read me wrong. I want to save money to have in case I need a ticket & for my health needs & I come first so if a lady or her family cannot understand that my needs & my health comes first then I do not need to have a lady because I would marry her & not her whole family. so maybe you are rich but I only have enough for my needs & maybe enough to feed another mouth if I cut out some things in my budget

[sjp52]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest. They don,t seem to understand the meaning of saving. But some in the west don,t either. I have a small amount of money put away each month in my budget to go towards any emergency that may arise and hopefully no emergencies will happen before I can accumalate enough. I have signed up at least one member of each family to Phil Health ( very cheap Ins ) and hopefully that will ease the cost of any emergencies. I have learned from my kids that you don,t just hand out money for free as this invites laziness and a total dependence on you. I just want to help them to help them self's. I have been blessed with a hard working and caring family here in the Philly. It is so easy to help some one when you know they are trying there best to make ends meet.

[Singers]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest. They don,t seem to understand the meaning of saving. But some in the west don,t either. I have a small amount of money put away each month in my budget to go towards any emergency that may arise and hopefully no emergencies will happen before I can accumalate enough. I have signed up at least one member of each family to Phil Health ( very cheap Ins ) and hopefully that will ease the cost of any emergencies. I have learned from my kids that you don,t just hand out money for free as this invites laziness and a total dependence on you. I just want to help them to help them self's. I have been blessed with a hard working and caring family here in the Philly. It is so easy to help some one when you know they are trying there best to make ends meet.

Thank you SJP,Well done. Great solution."Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day -- give him a fishing rod/net - teach him to fish and you feed him for Life". PROVIDED he is not LAZY!!??Kind Regards,UK Tom Edited March 1, 2010 by Singers

[UZI]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest..

This is a great idea IN THEORY but what about in practice? Let's say there are 3 family members who can access this loan account. Family i & 2 withdraw to the full amount but when family 3 wants a loan but family 2 hasn't paid theirs back so that family 3 can't get. Wouldn't this cause a family fight (as in the West) with finger pointing & accusations of not intending to pay back? Or do you make a max loan amount per family of 1/3 of the fund to each of the 3 family. What do you do if they need more?How does it work in practice for you?UZI

[Jake]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest..

This is a great idea IN THEORY but what about in practice? Let's say there are 3 family members who can access this loan account. Family i & 2 withdraw to the full amount but when family 3 wants a loan but family 2 hasn't paid theirs back so that family 3 can't get. Wouldn't this cause a family fight (as in the West) with finger pointing & accusations of not intending to pay back? Or do you make a max loan amount per family of 1/3 of the fund to each of the 3 family. What do you do if they need more?How does it work in practice for you?UZI

Hmm...interesting point-counter point which I believe you both have good arguments. Lending interest free loans is a noble idea but invites potential problems that may be beyond your control. But if everything is under control, then I must commend you for your continued success in the so-called street level lending system.As a Filipino, although Americanized in business and work ethics, I would not be able to maintain any kind of lending operation.I'm ashame to realize that basic economics in the Philippines is 180 degrees out of sync. A quote from sjp52 "I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest.." It's totally backwards and self defeating,don't you think? For example: the tagalog word HIRAM means to borrow with the return rate of near zero (my perception). And yet, the poor still survive doing this daily -- go figure? At any rate, UZI and I would like to learn your secrets to your success. Respectfully -- Jake

[Jake]

Totally agree with you UK Tom -- each situation will not have a standard set of solutions because like you said: "each set of circumstances are different". But I do admire both you and Tex in producing 7 out 10 college degree holders within your wife's extended family. That is quite an achievement.Now it's time to put your foot down. Your argument is solid with me. Those same degree holders should pick up the slack and NOT rely on your generous heart anymore. In my own opinion, you have already earned a position of family authority. As in my case, the only person I required to support my argument was from my own wife, Judy. Unfortunately, our relationship was strained to begin with and I failed miserably. I essentially said "bahal la na" and returned to USA without my wife. Took awhile to fix but it's all good now.Lessons learned? Yeah, don't follow my footsteps. There must be some sort of compromise. Maybe continue but reduce financial support and/or contribute from your wife's resources only. Please don't allow external forces tojeopardize your marriage.I believe I speak for every member -- you and me would like to grow younger during our senior years, without all the unnecessary stress and drama. I wish you the best of luck UK Tom.Respectfully -- Jake

Thank you , JakeTex is an intelligent, confident and socially capable woman. We are "SoulMates". Great together and Tex is adored by my family. ( (my Sons & Ex. Xcluded). I was divorced 6 years when I met Tex.?)The ONLY time! her normal "business thinking" goes awry is in regard to Family support (Money home to PI).Her very kindness is being taken advantage of. IMOYes - it causes me a lot of stress. It is the only thing we have conflict over. I ask why should I (we) support her parents who are the same age as me?Tex's two fav. Ladies in my family said, as you did, a reduction should be immediate. That surprised Tex and she was visibly taken aback.The Tampo is more subdued today. I think the glass doors in our home will now survive.! I was very surprised how hard they could be slammed shut and NOT break.!!Many thanks Jake,Kind regards,UK TomPS. If a Man is alone in a forrest and says something out loud - which no woman hears! ....... Is he still WRONG?.:cool_beans:

Sir, I would submit that: if a MAN is alone in a forest and farts out loud and proudly say: damn, that was a goodone and farts again -- meaning he knows his sh&t and have the confidence to put his foot down.Respectfully -- Jake

[Singers]

Totally agree with you UK Tom -- each situation will not have a standard set of solutions because like you said: "each set of circumstances are different". But I do admire both you and Tex in producing 7 out 10 college degree holders within your wife's extended family. That is quite an achievement.Now it's time to put your foot down. Your argument is solid with me. Those same degree holders should pick up the slack and NOT rely on your generous heart anymore. In my own opinion, you have already earned a position of family authority. As in my case, the only person I required to support my argument was from my own wife, Judy. Unfortunately, our relationship was strained to begin with and I failed miserably. I essentially said "bahal la na" and returned to USA without my wife. Took awhile to fix but it's all good now.Lessons learned? Yeah, don't follow my footsteps. There must be some sort of compromise. Maybe continue but reduce financial support and/or contribute from your wife's resources only. Please don't allow external forces tojeopardize your marriage.I believe I speak for every member -- you and me would like to grow younger during our senior years, without all the unnecessary stress and drama. I wish you the best of luck UK Tom.Respectfully -- Jake

Thank you , JakeTex is an intelligent, confident and socially capable woman. We are "SoulMates". Great together and Tex is adored by my family. ( (my Sons & Ex. Xcluded). I was divorced 6 years when I met Tex.?)The ONLY time! her normal "business thinking" goes awry is in regard to Family support (Money home to PI).Her very kindness is being taken advantage of. IMOYes - it causes me a lot of stress. It is the only thing we have conflict over. I ask why should I (we) support her parents who are the same age as me?Tex's two fav. Ladies in my family said, as you did, a reduction should be immediate. That surprised Tex and she was visibly taken aback.The Tampo is more subdued today. I think the glass doors in our home will now survive.! I was very surprised how hard they could be slammed shut and NOT break.!!Many thanks Jake,Kind regards,UK TomPS. If a Man is alone in a forrest and says something out loud - which no woman hears! ....... Is he still WRONG?.:cool_beans:

Sir, I would submit that: if a MAN is alone in a forest and farts out loud and proudly say: damn, that was a goodone and farts again -- meaning he knows his sh&t and have the confidence to put his foot down.Respectfully -- Jake

Hi Jake, Et al..Putting my foot down with a "firm hand" is not easy with a "Angel". !! (Tex)Revelations have surfaced through the Tampo and tears. Bending me ? wow YES.It now seems a few White Lies have been floating my way.Bro in Law was asked by Tex to pay AND told by Tex that she would reimburse him.! He had said "no need"???.Patents had said more than once, I am now told, "we know we can trust Tom to care for you so we are happy and we don't need to worry about our daughter in UK. You don't need to send us money".!!!Now I am informed --- ALL the family DO help financially -- each other and parents. This re-affirms my high regard for them and makes me feel guilty that I doubted them. (or my judgment of "My PI family")Tex wanted to help more BECAUSE she feels GUILTY that she has "so much" ?????GUILTY when I give her a gift and always thinks of what the money it cost could give her Parents.!!I am sure the Tampo will pass and perhaps the "White Lies" will stop. One can only hope her feelings of guilt will diminish.Thank you all. It is reassuring to get the feedback of your experienced Cultural differences with "Our PI Lovelies".Kind regards,UK Tomps The monthly allowance has been terminated. The object of the exercise. Gifts, B/Boxes and money for emergencies will continue. Edited March 2, 2010 by Singers

[sjp52]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest..

This is a great idea IN THEORY but what about in practice? Let's say there are 3 family members who can access this loan account. Family i & 2 withdraw to the full amount but when family 3 wants a loan but family 2 hasn't paid theirs back so that family 3 can't get. Wouldn't this cause a family fight (as in the West) with finger pointing & accusations of not intending to pay back? Or do you make a max loan amount per family of 1/3 of the fund to each of the 3 family. What do you do if they need more?How does it work in practice for you?UZI

Well so far the most that has been borrowed at one time by one family is 10,000 pesos. That is a lot to them and they realize that they have to pay it back or they will never get any more. So they only borrow it if they really need it. Right now I think there is 40,000 out in loans and if it were to all get used up we would probably sit down as a family and discuss who needs it the most at this time and then the rest would have to wait. They do not have to take care of any emergency health issues as I have been taking care of that and Phil Health has helped me there. So far just to hospital visits each one was around 10,000 pesos and Phil Health has paid 4000 each time. Most of the family works at the fish market and they pay rent for the stalls they use. I am slowly buying those stalls and rent them out to them so no one else can grab the stall from them in the future to rent. I am going to try to show them that if they save a little each week, Eventually they can buy the stalls from me and not have to pay rent. I don,t know if this will work out or not but so far it is working good and they don,t bother me or my wife for any money. My wife has 9 brothers and sisters.

[Jake]

in my opinion people who spoil their families are fools & do their families no good by turning them into atm watchers, not me & I would set the family straight from day one. I do not feel rich when I barely have enough left over each year to buy a ticket out of here if an emergency should happen so I am not rich & I have to save in case I get ill & if a family does not understant that then I will stay single

This is a perfect illustration of my point. In your eyes, you are just scraping by because you barely have enough left over to buy the ticket each year. To an average Filipino, you are wealthy beyond belief because you can afford to spend so much money for something like travel. Many Filipinos cannot afford the 500 peso bus fare from Manila to Baguio, yet you can afford 50k for a plane ticket. Try telling the people that can't afford the bus ticket how poor you are because you can barely afford the 50k airfare. I doubt they'll see you as their financial equal or have sympathy for your perceived poverty.

you read me wrong. I want to save money to have in case I need a ticket & for my health needs & I come first so if a lady or her family cannot understand that my needs & my health comes first then I do not need to have a lady because I would marry her & not her whole family. so maybe you are rich but I only have enough for my needs & maybe enough to feed another mouth if I cut out some things in my budget

Although there're must be more ways to satisfy both of your arguments, I can see the following scenario: if you immediately"cut off the money tree" (a quote from my friend Art), then you run the risk of bad tsimis, jealousy and revenge. If you want tolive comfortably during your retirement years, plan to move away, far away. The second scenario is to close the money spigot slowly, allowing them more time to find another sucker. The last scenario is my favorite: from day one, unless otherwise confirmed for actual emergency, they will need to understandthere is no such thing as a free lunch. I'm willing to give a day's wage provided they actually work. I will continue to offer random kindness to anybody like tricycle and jeepney drivers that service your immediate area. That way I'm building up my alliance through trust and mutual respect. They will be my eyes and ears for myself and family. With regards of maybe putting yourself in a guilty position because they perceive you as rich because you have a measly dollar account, well.....tough sh&t! It's their problem. Respectfully -- Jake

[sjp52]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest..

This is a great idea IN THEORY but what about in practice? Let's say there are 3 family members who can access this loan account. Family i & 2 withdraw to the full amount but when family 3 wants a loan but family 2 hasn't paid theirs back so that family 3 can't get. Wouldn't this cause a family fight (as in the West) with finger pointing & accusations of not intending to pay back? Or do you make a max loan amount per family of 1/3 of the fund to each of the 3 family. What do you do if they need more?How does it work in practice for you?UZI

Hmm...interesting point-counter point which I believe you both have good arguments. Lending interest free loans is a noble idea but invites potential problems that may be beyond your control. But if everything is under control, then I must commend you for your continued success in the so-called street level lending system.As a Filipino, although Americanized in business and work ethics, I would not be able to maintain any kind of lending operation.I'm ashame to realize that basic economics in the Philippines is 180 degrees out of sync. A quote from sjp52 "I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest.." It's totally backwards and self defeating,don't you think? For example: the tagalog word HIRAM means to borrow with the return rate of near zero (my perception). And yet, the poor still survive doing this daily -- go figure? At any rate, UZI and I would like to learn your secrets to your success. Respectfully -- Jake

I totally agree with you Jake, that borrowing at high interest rates is self defeating. I don,t know how a lot of them survive. That is why my loans are interest free and they can use that money to buy more fish to sell with higher profits. As for the secrets to my success, I think it is too early to say I have succeeded as it has only been 6 months. I will let you know later if it stays feasible or not.