Family, Food, Money Cause Women Ofws Stress

[Art2ro]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest..

This is a great idea IN THEORY but what about in practice? Let's say there are 3 family members who can access this loan account. Family i & 2 withdraw to the full amount but when family 3 wants a loan but family 2 hasn't paid theirs back so that family 3 can't get. Wouldn't this cause a family fight (as in the West) with finger pointing & accusations of not intending to pay back? Or do you make a max loan amount per family of 1/3 of the fund to each of the 3 family. What do you do if they need more?How does it work in practice for you?UZI

Hmm...interesting point-counter point which I believe you both have good arguments. Lending interest free loans is a noble idea but invites potential problems that may be beyond your control. But if everything is under control, then I must commend you for your continued success in the so-called street level lending system.As a Filipino, although Americanized in business and work ethics, I would not be able to maintain any kind of lending operation.I'm ashame to realize that basic economics in the Philippines is 180 degrees out of sync. A quote from sjp52 "I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest.." It's totally backwards and self defeating,don't you think? For example: the tagalog word HIRAM means to borrow with the return rate of near zero (my perception). And yet, the poor still survive doing this daily -- go figure? At any rate, UZI and I would like to learn your secrets to your success. Respectfully -- Jake

I totally agree with you Jake, that borrowing at high interest rates is self defeating. I don,t know how a lot of them survive. That is why my loans are interest free and they can use that money to buy more fish to sell with higher profits. As for the secrets to my success, I think it is too early to say I have succeeded as it has only been 6 months. I will let you know later if it stays feasible or not.

In my case, it was 3 years after and P800,000 that was never put back in the free interest trust fund, because even the principal cash was squandered! That's when I chopped down the "money tree" indefinitely so no more money will grow! That was a long time ago and never to be repeated again in my lifetime and for sure not with my money, because I worked hard for my pension all my adult life to just see it all pissed away! So think twice before lending your hard earned money to your extended family, because you won't see a penny back in return, but even if I did, it just went back into the kitty to be squandered all over again! So what's the use of it all when the kitty is bankrupted?????? Edited March 2, 2010 by Art & Jho

[TheMason]

I am sure the Tampo will pass and perhaps the "White Lies" will stop. One can only hope her feelings of guilt will diminish. Thank you all. It is reassuring to get the feedback of your experienced Cultural differences with "Our PI Lovelies".

Without knowing you or your wife, I'm fairly confident in saying that the tampo, white lies, and feelings of guilt about not helping the family more will NOT go away any time soon, if ever. I know some Filipinas that don't feel its their responsibility to help their family much and I know some Filipinas that do feel it is their responsibility. However, I don't know any Filipinas that felt it was their responsibility to help their family and then changed their mind and decided it wasn't.The women here are taught from an early age that it is their responsibility to provide for their family. You'll likely grow old and die waiting for your wife to change her mind and stop the white lies, tampo, and guilt over family assistance. Its just one of those things you have to accept when you marry a Filipina. Hopefully, people discuss this with their wife/gf before getting too deeply involved so everyone has the same expectations of what assisstance will be given. If not, you're likely in for a rude awakening about how strong and persistent your wife's desire to help the family is.

[UZI]

I am sure the Tampo will pass and perhaps the "White Lies" will stop. One can only hope her feelings of guilt will diminish. Thank you all. It is reassuring to get the feedback of your experienced Cultural differences with "Our PI Lovelies".

Without knowing you or your wife, I'm fairly confident in saying that the tampo, white lies, and feelings of guilt about not helping the family more will NOT go away any time soon, if ever. I know some Filipinas that don't feel its their responsibility to help their family much and I know some Filipinas that do feel it is their responsibility. However, I don't know any Filipinas that felt it was their responsibility to help their family and then changed their mind and decided it wasn't.The women here are taught from an early age that it is their responsibility to provide for their family. You'll likely grow old and die waiting for your wife to change her mind and stop the white lies, tampo, and guilt over family assistance. Its just one of those things you have to accept when you marry a Filipina. Hopefully, people discuss this with their wife/gf before getting too deeply involved so everyone has the same expectations of what assisstance will be given. If not, you're likely in for a rude awakening about how strong and persistent your wife's desire to help the family is.

An American I know, (married to a Filipina) who works here as a freelance journalist once wrote this on another forum. I thought it quite insightful at the time & repeat it in part here for added perspective:One part of the Filipino character you will learn about is that it is not usual for people to actually express their expectations in plain terms that get through our thick western skulls. So if you were to attempt to have a frank conversation about the issue of family support beforehand, you might get the impression that no one expects any help, which is probably not actually the case. By the same token, even though most people do actually expect you to have some consideration for the family, that consideration goes a long way and most people will be surprisingly appreciative and happy about receiving what to us seems like very little, as long as they perceive you are sincere about it. I realize people are different and my experience may be unique, but with my family here once we all got used to each other, then it became possible to discuss previously touchy subjects like money in plain terms. I still get the feeling sometimes that I understand them better than they understand me, but on the other hand, we've all discovered we're not as different as we thought we were at first, and so I have no problem expressing what I can/cannot will/will not do, and they have no problem hearing about it. Or asking me when they need something. So it all works out. Takes some time, that's for sure, but it's worth it.Not far off our experiences with family here too.UZI

[Singers]

I am sure the Tampo will pass and perhaps the "White Lies" will stop. One can only hope her feelings of guilt will diminish. Thank you all. It is reassuring to get the feedback of your experienced Cultural differences with "Our PI Lovelies".

Without knowing you or your wife, I'm fairly confident in saying that the tampo, white lies, and feelings of guilt about not helping the family more will NOT go away any time soon, if ever. I know some Filipinas that don't feel its their responsibility to help their family much and I know some Filipinas that do feel it is their responsibility. However, I don't know any Filipinas that felt it was their responsibility to help their family and then changed their mind and decided it wasn't.The women here are taught from an early age that it is their responsibility to provide for their family. You'll likely grow old and die waiting for your wife to change her mind and stop the white lies, tampo, and guilt over family assistance. Its just one of those things you have to accept when you marry a Filipina. Hopefully, people discuss this with their wife/gf before getting too deeply involved so everyone has the same expectations of what assisstance will be given. If not, you're likely in for a rude awakening about how strong and persistent your wife's desire to help the family is.

An American I know, (married to a Filipina) who works here as a freelance journalist once wrote this on another forum. I thought it quite insightful at the time & repeat it in part here for added perspective:One part of the Filipino character you will learn about is that it is not usual for people to actually express their expectations in plain terms that get through our thick western skulls. So if you were to attempt to have a frank conversation about the issue of family support beforehand, you might get the impression that no one expects any help, which is probably not actually the case. By the same token, even though most people do actually expect you to have some consideration for the family, that consideration goes a long way and most people will be surprisingly appreciative and happy about receiving what to us seems like very little, as long as they perceive you are sincere about it. I realize people are different and my experience may be unique, but with my family here once we all got used to each other, then it became possible to discuss previously touchy subjects like money in plain terms. I still get the feeling sometimes that I understand them better than they understand me, but on the other hand, we've all discovered we're not as different as we thought we were at first, and so I have no problem expressing what I can/cannot will/will not do, and they have no problem hearing about it. Or asking me when they need something. So it all works out. Takes some time, that's for sure, but it's worth it.Not far off our experiences with family here too.UZI

Hi UZI,Insightful wisdom from you is my expectation. Great post. Tex and I had discussed stopping the education payments to parents when young Bro graduated. Me actually calling a halt was not expected though!?. (by Tex)Tranquility Reigns in WR9 today and our home is again filled with song. No not me.Cheers mate,Tom Edited March 2, 2010 by Singers

[Singers]

I am sure the Tampo will pass and perhaps the "White Lies" will stop. One can only hope her feelings of guilt will diminish. Thank you all. It is reassuring to get the feedback of your experienced Cultural differences with "Our PI Lovelies".

Without knowing you or your wife, I'm fairly confident in saying that the tampo, white lies, and feelings of guilt about not helping the family more will NOT go away any time soon, if ever. I know some Filipinas that don't feel its their responsibility to help their family much and I know some Filipinas that do feel it is their responsibility. However, I don't know any Filipinas that felt it was their responsibility to help their family and then changed their mind and decided it wasn't.The women here are taught from an early age that it is their responsibility to provide for their family. You'll likely grow old and die waiting for your wife to change her mind and stop the white lies, tampo, and guilt over family assistance. Its just one of those things you have to accept when you marry a Filipina. Hopefully, people discuss this with their wife/gf before getting too deeply involved so everyone has the same expectations of what assisstance will be given. If not, you're likely in for a rude awakening about how strong and persistent your wife's desire to help the family is.

Thank you Mason.I was first in Manila when you were 9 years old.:541:Regards,Tom

Edited March 2, 2010 by Singers

[sjp52]

Here is how I take care of my family in the Philippines. I have set aside 70,000 pesos and every one in the family is allowed a loan ( interest free ). When they pay it back, They are allowed another loan. Of course they all work and can pay it back. But what I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest..

This is a great idea IN THEORY but what about in practice? Let's say there are 3 family members who can access this loan account. Family i & 2 withdraw to the full amount but when family 3 wants a loan but family 2 hasn't paid theirs back so that family 3 can't get. Wouldn't this cause a family fight (as in the West) with finger pointing & accusations of not intending to pay back? Or do you make a max loan amount per family of 1/3 of the fund to each of the 3 family. What do you do if they need more?How does it work in practice for you?UZI

Hmm...interesting point-counter point which I believe you both have good arguments. Lending interest free loans is a noble idea but invites potential problems that may be beyond your control. But if everything is under control, then I must commend you for your continued success in the so-called street level lending system.As a Filipino, although Americanized in business and work ethics, I would not be able to maintain any kind of lending operation.I'm ashame to realize that basic economics in the Philippines is 180 degrees out of sync. A quote from sjp52 "I have learned is a lot of Filipinos live by always having a loan and pay a very high rate of interest.." It's totally backwards and self defeating,don't you think? For example: the tagalog word HIRAM means to borrow with the return rate of near zero (my perception). And yet, the poor still survive doing this daily -- go figure? At any rate, UZI and I would like to learn your secrets to your success. Respectfully -- Jake

I totally agree with you Jake, that borrowing at high interest rates is self defeating. I don,t know how a lot of them survive. That is why my loans are interest free and they can use that money to buy more fish to sell with higher profits. As for the secrets to my success, I think it is too early to say I have succeeded as it has only been 6 months. I will let you know later if it stays feasible or not.

In my case, it was 3 years after and P800,000 that was never put back in the free interest trust fund, because even the principal cash was squandered! That's when I chopped down the "money tree" indefinitely so no more money will grow! That was a long time ago and never to be repeated again in my lifetime and for sure not with my money, because I worked hard for my pension all my adult life to just see it all pissed away! So think twice before lending your hard earned money to your extended family, because you won't see a penny back in return, but even if I did, it just went back into the kitty to be squandered all over again! So what's the use of it all when the kitty is bankrupted??????

With all due respect, That is a lot of money to put in a fund for people that are not use to that much money. And if you don,t over see it and have limits, Well you saw what can happen. I did not promise them to make them rich, Just help out a little and make their lives a little better if I can. It takes years to learn how to use your money wisely. At least it took me years. I am just trying to plant a seed with them and hope with a little help they can make it grow in time. That must have hurt seeing all that hard earned money going to waste. I feel for you. But I commend you for your kind and caring generosity. I made a fuss over one of the girls in our family when I first came to Philly and took her out and bought her clothes and gifts and she stayed at our house a lot. Then one day we caught her stealing money out of my wife's purse. So I told my wife that she is not allowed back in our house until she pays back the money and says she is sorry. I,m still waiting. I felt really let down. She is 18 and should know better.

[Singers]

With all due respect, That is a lot of money to put in a fund for people that are not use to that much money. And if you don,t over see it and have limits, Well you saw what can happen. I did not promise them to make them rich, Just help out a little and make their lives a little better if I can. It takes years to learn how to use your money wisely. At least it took me years. I am just trying to plant a seed with them and hope with a little help they can make it grow in time. That must have hurt seeing all that hard earned money going to waste. I feel for you. But I commend you for your kind and caring generosity. I made a fuss over one of the girls in our family when I first came to Philly and took her out and bought her clothes and gifts and she stayed at our house a lot. Then one day we caught her stealing money out of my wife's purse. So I told my wife that she is not allowed back in our house until she pays back the money and says she is sorry. I,m still waiting. I felt really let down. She is 18 and should know better.

Hi SJP52,I fully understand your feeling "let down". I expect the stolen money was little. If it were me I would be very sad for the girls shortsightedness.!A US neighbour in my BRGY employs 9 workers + 3 maids. One maid, his wife's niece, stole a piece of jewellary. Value $50. His wife had her prosecuted and fined. His wife asked him that he pay the Nieces fine so she could go to her family home - which he did. He thought this "action" futile IN TOTAL. No his wife said "now she is shamed and everyone knows she is not only a thief BUT a fool" .... He & I tought this very tough.Kind regards & good luck,UK Tom Edited March 3, 2010 by Mr. Lee
Repair post

[sjp52]

With all due respect, That is a lot of money to put in a fund for people that are not use to that much money. And if you don,t over see it and have limits, Well you saw what can happen. I did not promise them to make them rich, Just help out a little and make their lives a little better if I can. It takes years to learn how to use your money wisely. At least it took me years. I am just trying to plant a seed with them and hope with a little help they can make it grow in time. That must have hurt seeing all that hard earned money going to waste. I feel for you. But I commend you for your kind and caring generosity. I made a fuss over one of the girls in our family when I first came to Philly and took her out and bought her clothes and gifts and she stayed at our house a lot. Then one day we caught her stealing money out of my wife's purse. So I told my wife that she is not allowed back in our house until she pays back the money and says she is sorry. I,m still waiting. I felt really let down. She is 18 and should know better.

Hi SJP52,I fully understand your feeling "let down". I expect the stolen money was little. If it were me I would be very sad for the girls shortsightedness.!A US neighbour in my BRGY employs 9 workers + 3 maids. One maid, his wife's niece, stole a piece of jewellary. Value $50. His wife had her prosecuted and fined. His wife asked him that he pay the Nieces fine so she could go to her family home - which he did. He thought this "action" futile IN TOTAL. No his wife said "now she is shamed and everyone knows she is not only a thief BUT a fool" .... He & I tought this very tough.Kind regards & good luck,UK Tom

Hi Singers, I too find that very harsh. But if it changes her way of thinking in life then it will be well worth it. When I was a little kid, I was in a store with my father and he caught me taking some toy. He marched me up to the managers office and made the manager call the police. They came to the store and read me the riot act and scared me to death. That was a lesson I will never forget.

[tropicalwaste]

As its been stated above already everyones circumstances are different. The Rich issue is irrelevant as I look at it another way i got off my butt and earned my money regardless if rich or not its MY money. If I share it its MY choice not trying to sound self centred but too often people are too soft. I have had a couple of recent situations not with family mind but friends.. simply I just cut them out my life as the issues were financially small but more to do with "testing the water" to see how far they could push things in the future.. How do you turn the tap off? I fill it with concrete im not tight but as I have offered people who have asked previously "if you come up with a business idea come back to me" im willing to make money with people but im not giving anything away. I paid my own way through college and worked from even before I left school so don't appreciate people expecting me to hand over money just because they assume I have more than they do.