Finding the right one online

[BrettGC]

I met the Angry Midget (wife of 3 weeks now) in about 2011 on a dating site so my experience back then is likely to be different to yours now.  I know this to be fact due to after meeting AM a couple of times over two years, we ended it as she wanted kids and I didn't want any more.  

I gave it all a miss for a couple of years and was happily single tripping all over Asia on holidays.  Then in about 2017 I decided to give the dating sites another try.  Wow, the difference was incredible. 

To begin with, there were a lot more sites than my initial outing and whilst the scammers were there first time around they were a lot more and more obvious the second time around.  Excuses to be sent money in both instances included but not limited to:

Funeral

Food

Phone load to be able to talk to you

House repair

School fees for themselves or a relative

Visa fees

Redirection to sex cam sites

Now the main difference between 2011 and 2017 was how quickly they asked for the money.   Back in 2011 they'd ask for money pretty quickly, in 2017 they'd string you along a bit before the crunch.  I guess this must work and they feel their victim - lets face it, it is obtaining money through deception which is considered criminal fraud in most countries - is a little more emotionally invested so more likely to succumb to the sting.  It's easy to see how emotionally vulnerable or lonely guys could fall victim to these tactics. 

If they're not willing to, or always find excuses not to engage in some sort of video chat at some point chances are they're a fraud. 

The age of the photos on profiles is another trap as is very similar looking women used in the same profile.  That's easily sorted these days as most photos these days saved as jpegs have date and location data embedded in the code and there's a couple of websites out there that can strip that out for you for free.  For example, a potential listed as being from Cebu has a photo geo-located in Leyte I asked if she was originally from Leyte and she stated she'd never been there.  "Oh, that photo was taken in Leyte".  The reactions can be amusing.  

The second time around I also noticed my inbox was a lot less "full" than the first time unless I was shown as "active online" on any given site and as already noted by others, the conversations were far less engaging.  

First time out I actually made some pretty good friends that I stayed in contact with through Facebook and other social media,  so second time around one of these friends, a worldly,  down-to-earth OFW, screened the profiles of potentials for me.  Dave's advice on a "mentor" is good. But despite this, still no one that really caught my interest to any great degree, but that's a personal thing and not necessarily the fault of the ladies involved. 

Fast forward a couple of months and through a convoluted series of events The Angry Midget and I started conversing again and it turns out we were both holding a bit of a candle for each other so here we are now.

Anyway, good luck.  Some of us had success online, some in-country, either way has it's pitfalls and rewards so it's up to the individual.  

Edited March 2, 2020 by BrettGC

[stevewool]

On line dating was the best thing that has ever happened to me, that’s where I met my wife , Date in Asia was the site and at first it felt like I was the kid in the best sweet shop looking at all those goodies who was looking at me , and there was loads of them too.

I was talking and video chat to a few very nice ladies and some super attractive ladies but they turned out to be men  but hey ho it was just a chat, you soon get to know those who are just after your cash but there are some wonderful people who are looking for love .

My advice is don’t always look for the very young attractive lady there are some beautiful ladies in the thirties and even forties but that’s all down to what you are looking for, my other advice is do not lie to them , don’t promise anything you will not do or give , it’s fun and it took me a few years of chatting to my future wife  before  we met face to face .

Ps, it was over 12 years ago I first started so things must have changed since then , good luck

[elmo1982]

First of all, thanks for all your comments, it has surely given me some deeper insight into this thing.

What this basically requires is a lot of patience and maybe also some different tactics/approach from my side, even though I haven't really figured out yet how to do it.

What also makes it more difficult for me is that I am quite picky and also I don't want to have children which seems to rule out 90% of all girls.

From my dating experience, the kind of Filipina which is a bit more educated/westernized is more likely to be found in business areas such as Makati.

Fortunately, I'm not a naive kind of person and I also experienced girls trying to ask me for money when I was using Tinder in the Philippines, but I always refused. I guess the reason why many stop replying so soon is when they read in my profile "don't waste your time with me, I will never send any money"

I'm actually not fixed on finding a Filipina, but it is a lot harder in other Asian countries because of worse English skills or that marrying a foreigner is less accepted in their culture. I met and was friends with a girl from Hong Kong, there you can (almost) be sure that you won't be scammed since she could travel to Europe with her own money. And now I am in contact with a Balinese girl which I met during my trip there, not sure where this will go.

@davewe:

If I have something like a mentor, it is 9 (STOP PROMOTING SO CALLED EXPERTS,, EVERYONE ) REMOVED BY MODS ,,    Youtube channel. He has given a lot of good advice on how to handle Filipinas. I like his analytical thinking.

@Jack D:

Unfortunately, it never went that far. I admit I have a slow pace at this, but I would finally do a video chat if I had a good feeling about her, but that hasn't happened yet. Would you say most of them are too impatient and that they don't like to keep the conversation when I only send messages 1-2 times a day?

[Jollygoodfellow]

5 minutes ago, elmo1982 said:

First of all, thanks for all your comments, it has surely given me some deeper insight into this thing.

Yes maybe wait until you want or can have a long term relationship rather than a hyped up online for an unknown time. 

[scott h]

32 minutes ago, elmo1982 said:

to rule out 90% of all girls.

Try 99.99% of Filipinas 

[Gary D]

Middle class filipinas don't need to marry a foreigner so you are unlikely to find them on online dating. You need to understand why filipinas are attracted to foreigners, it's either to scam them or get out of their desperate lifestyle. Also the reason they want children is because they believe is cements the relationship and you would take better care of them. At the end of the day they are mostly after your money, not always in a bad way, apart from the scammers, but for the security that goes with it. 

[Jack D]

2 hours ago, elmo1982 said:

Would you say most of them are too impatient and that they don't like to keep the conversation when I only send messages 1-2 times a day?

I'm not sure about how you are sending messages. The best way for me was Facebook Messenger, and I always had very long interactive conversations. I never video chatted until I met the one that I really liked (based on our conversations).

[Freebie]

Ive been on and around chat sites for many years, since back in the Yahoo messenger, MSN Messenger, IRC chat relay days etc... and was active in  dating sites inmany countries  , Hong Kong, China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Philippines, Malaysia. ( as I moved countries in Asia a few times for work ).

I found having a good photo of yourself, perhaps one in what they call professional attire ( shirt and necktie ) and a more casual one works well. Profiles are meaingless as most girls just look at pics. No need to show your fancy car as it doesnt impress. But the biggest point when chatting is seeing what you have in common.

If you are typing and typing and she just replies OK.. delete her.

If you ask a question and her only reply can be the standard " huh" that sadly so many Filipinas use, Id suggest delete that one too.

Find someone that gets your jokes, that is positive,  and not easily distracted. ASk what work she does and if not working ask what she does with her time ( I dated one girl  for a few weeks and realised she spent all day in bed doing nothing but watching the inane childish TV programmes here ).

Find someone that you think you might like to be with... suprise her by doing something cute or sweet ( Filipinas love that !)

 

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT!!!  Is do not tell her you are a newbie and have no experience of Philippines. Thats when the sharks will circle. Lie cheat whatever but express some knowledge about the country..watch youtube etc... just dont say that you have never been to Philippines.....thats when every scammer will spin you a story better than Tom Clancy. .. and as soon as a request for money is made IGNORE IT... if they dont get from you they will get from someone else regardless of the emergency they tell you about.. and its always an emergency. And maybe maybe you can find what you are looking for... but... gotta sort a lotta chaff from the wheat..... and of cource , if it sounds or looks too good to be true , it is. Or worse, it might be a bakla....... lol

Edited March 3, 2020 by Freebie

[Marvin Boggs]

1 hour ago, Freebie said:

 

Freebie reminded me of something.  To each his own, but I don't get these long drawn-out online relationships.  We know several Filipinas with western 'boyfriends' who they may never meet, or the promise is always in the future, etc.  As a man, I was not interested in stringing along a relationship without quickly meeting face to face.  How else could I be sure of the chemistry, or that it was not one giant scam?  No offense to those of you who chatted online for 10 months before ever meeting your girl.  Sounds like some of you had whole file folders and spreadsheets full of girls, heheh, so whatever works.  

[hk blues]

6 minutes ago, Marvin Boggs said:

.... so whatever works.  

Amen!