How Much To Most Ladies Send Home?

[TheMason]

In my humble opinion:Communications with your partner is a lifetime challenge. The challenges are greater when you add the complexities of culture and habits. Money is also a common theme of disagreement in all relationships. The cultural difference between how we deal with issues and disputes I find particularly difficult. I like to debate issues and understand others points of view (As Mr. Lee will attest), I like to work to understand and have my point of view understood. Most Filipinas like to avoid disputes and difficult conversations. While I perceive this as a discussion -- she perceives it as arguing. She would prefer to silent. Has always been difficult to talk about insurance, wills, etc. This can be frustrating.As for "what is poor?" is the central part of the question on support. It is the question of when you think it is appropriate to help and how much. I recognize that despite all efforts and intentions, many people here do not have enough to achieve the basic needs of life. This is what I call poor. Those who can't afford to buy food, medicine, and a roof over their heads, despite working or trying as hard as they can to find meaningful work. The US has defined it as those who make below a certain annual income level. There is no such definition here that I'm aware of.The support you provide can be defined or delineated as project or ongoing. There are many that refuse to engage in ongoing support for good reasons. It will create a cycle of dependency and expectation to survive. However it may be necessary.The greatest obligation Filipinos have is to their parents. If she has parents that are older as my in-laws are, have needs, and cannot work. You can define support in terms of what it takes to sustain them: i.e. provide their medicines, required expenses, and other needed support. This is ongoing as these needs will exist as long as they are alive. While they might be shared with other siblings -- they will not go away.Then there are the projects: Dealing with a particular medical issue, helping a sister or brother with school tuition, helping someone get started in a busines, dealing with a specific legal issue, etc. As soon as these efforts are complete, the need for funding is gone. Many will restrict this to immediate families of their spouse. It is reasonable to discuss these needs and interests as support is not an obligation outside the bounds of your immediate family i.e. your own wife and kids. It should be done in the spirit of understanding because you love your partner and your sincere interest in doing what makes her happy, if you can afford to do it. In the end -- this is why I help my my wifes family. I do insist that I understand the details of what I'm doing and I think that is a fair question.My opinion off.

As of 2007, The Philippines govt put the poverty level for a family of 5 at 6195 pesos per month. I've never seen figures for larger or smaller families or for city vs. provincial living. With inflation, that number MIGHT be up to 7000 by now.http://www.nscb.gov.ph/poverty/FAQs/default.asp

[Gold Heart]

The Mason,Thanks for sharing, I learned what I did not know. I knew the levels of poverty were high by whatever definition existed. That's approximately 7K pesos/ $150 / month for a family of 5. I see that there are many provinces where 50%+ of the population are below this level. Now, could you use this to determine family qualifications for assistance like the US goverment does? Not sure.

As of 2007, The Philippines govt put the poverty level for a family of 5 at 6195 pesos per month. I've never seen figures for larger or smaller families or for city vs. provincial living. With inflation, that number MIGHT be up to 7000 by now.http://www.nscb.gov....AQs/default.asp

Edited December 21, 2009 by Gold Heart

[TheMason]

The Mason,Thanks for sharing, I learned what I did not know. I knew the levels of poverty were high by whatever definition existed. That's approximately 7K pesos/ $150 / month for a family of 5. I see that there are many provinces where 50%+ of the population are below this level. Now, could you use this to determine family qualifications for assistance like the US goverment does? Not sure.

As of 2007, The Philippines govt put the poverty level for a family of 5 at 6195 pesos per month. I've never seen figures for larger or smaller families or for city vs. provincial living. With inflation, that number MIGHT be up to 7000 by now.http://www.nscb.gov....AQs/default.asp

The only govt. assistance to the poor that I am aware of is subsidized rice. If you are poor, they will issue you an ID card and you can purchase rice from govt. distribution centers for 18 pesos per kilo. I think the agency running this is the National Food Agency (NFA) but am not sure of the exact name.The govt was very pleased with their GDP and remittance growth in 2008. Both figures were above projection. Yet even with better than expected growth, 1 million more Filipinos fell below the govt. poverty line in 2008. I suspect the numbers are even worse for 2009.As for the original question, given the govt. poverty level and cost of living, far less is required to support a family of 5 than most Westerners realize. Personally, I think 5000p a month is a fair amount to send. If they are below the poverty level, this will be a huge lifeline for them and allow them to eat decently and put a roof over their head. If they are above the poverty line, it will provide a significant boost to their standard of living. This assumes the money is spent on better housing and diet instead of Tanduay and gambling. Of course, some in my Filipino family think I'm a cheap Kano but I prefer the term frugal to cheap. Edited December 21, 2009 by TheMason

[Mr Lee]

Sending money home is a personal choice and if your ladies parents are alive and living in the Philippines then it most often falls on your lady to help out and the amount might be the same amount that she had been sending home before she married and adjusted up for cost of living.If your lady has sisters still back in the Philippines then she might want them to complete their education and those costs can vary depending on what they are studying for with a professional profession such as nurse being pretty expensive if that person is not living at home since there would also be room and board and all that is connected to them living apart.So the answer to your question will not be an easy one and it will all depend on circumstances and why she feels the need to send money home.And then there is the emergencies and the bigger the family the more there seems to be. My only advice on those would be to try to verify by calling the hospital or doctors office.

[til]

I can see that the amount to send home will vary depending on the circumstances.What I don't get is that ladies can just send home there "own" money without the husband knowing how much it is. Unless of course each pays for his own expenses and your finances are completely seperate.Well I guess that too is a matter of personal agreements, but for us it's agreed upon it will be our money, not her's to do what she likes. But maybe each of us will have an "allowance" of kinds to spend at will.

[Gold Heart]

I can see that the amount to send home will vary depending on the circumstances.What I don't get is that ladies can just send home there "own" money without the husband knowing how much it is. Unless of course each pays for his own expenses and your finances are completely seperate.Well I guess that too is a matter of personal agreements, but for us it's agreed upon it will be our money, not her's to do what she likes. But maybe each of us will have an "allowance" of kinds to spend at will.

That was my agreement and it may be unique. I made sufficient income that I did not need her to work or to contribute. Therefore any money she made (which was very little) was hers to do with as she wished. It was my preference that she not work at all. In the US we had joint accounts ... and her account.I did not know how much she made until I did the year end taxes or how much was in her account and did not care. It might sound odd or dumb but you have to think through what it means. It did great benefits to her self-worth, self esteem, she was showing that she could work and contribute. We in the US (also in the Philippines) seem to value people who work and have careers and think less of housewives. I don't know why but it is a fact. When people ask what do you do? .. and you give that answer housewife -- people look down on you or look up to those with jobs. It is the source of new friendships. Its the source of a conversation. What do you do? She could also do things without having to ask me for money, I would provide resources for her to do things for herself and for our extended family but it is not the same as independence of your own earned money. It was also good for her to know she was personally helping her family and it was not just me helping. She would not have to come to me to discuss the continuing family crisis that demanded help. She could do it without bothering me. This is not for everyone. There are as many options for dealing with family finances as there are people. The reality is her working cost me more than her not working because of hidden costs, time demands, and taxes but it was my gift and approach for her emotional well being. It worked for us until we moved here. Now it is single income -- "single payer". I think it is one of the reasons she prefers living in the US.

[Sampaguita]

I now only send home during real emergencies and for special occasions. People tend to spoil their families and make them into people who become dependent on them and I do not think that is good for their future even though most of my family are very poor. We bring lots of good clothing and personal items when we visit and also pay for a month or more worth of good meal when we are there and during poor harvests but my parents are not alive and all of my brothers and sisters manage to feed themselves and their families and what would they do if we supported them and they became dependent on us and then we were God forbid both killed in a plane crash? How would they then learn to get back on their feet after becoming spoiled, so I think it is better that they keep taking care of themselves and what would have happened had I never married Lee, they would have always managed to survived.