Helper Humor

[Lee]

We have had several helpers over the years. To be honest, most weren't very good but they were better than nothing I suppose.

Our present helper is 45 years old, has 5 kids with most of them being late teens.

Anyway, today we are all in the car----wife and I up front-----a seat full of stuff in the seat behind the wife and the helper is sitting behind me (driver).

We stopped at a roadside stand for veggies. The wife gets out and the helper decides not to exit the car from the door next to her (IDK why) but to turn her back to the front of the car and squeeze herself through the stuff in the seat next to her. When she gets to the other side of the car she attempts to open the door pulling the latch like you would if facing forward but of course she is facing backwards so the latch doesn't work. She then looks at me like I had locked her in. I had to demo the door latch to convince her otherwise.

[JJReyes]

Returning from Hong Kong, I brought back Stilton, Danish Blue and Roquefort cheese to leisurely enjoy over the next few weeks.  The next day it was gone from the refrigerator.  The maids thought it was moldy, rotten food and they threw it away.  Couldn't get mad because European cheese is not part of their experience.  

[Dave Hounddriver]

7 hours ago, Lee said:

We have had several helpers over the years. To be honest, most weren't very good

Ditto that.  I gave up on them after a few years living in the Philippines.  But my Helper Humor story is about another foreigner who lived down the road.  He saw that we had this helper for about a year and he asked her how much we were paying.  Then he offered her a raise to come work for them.  YESSSS!  She went and we saved the money as we were just keeping her around to help her support her family.  She was utterly useless.

[JJReyes]

One story I love telling is my wife instructing the helper we wanted fresh chicken from the wet market for dinner, not frozen chicken from the supermarket.  That afternoon, there were live chickens in the kitchen with their feet tied together as a bunch.  

She screamed, "Those are live chickens!"

"Don't worry Ma'am.  They will be dead soon." replied our helper/cook.

It took a little time to coach her back to eating chicken.  

[Dave Hounddriver]

8 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

we wanted fresh chicken from the wet market for dinner, not frozen chicken from the supermarket.

I used to think like that, until I saw the freezer in the back and realized the wet market vendors were taking their chickens from the freezer and thawing them.

[Lee]

Another chicken story.

My wife once questioned a SIL about where exactly she had cleaned a chicken after having just killed it. SIL said that she cleaned the chicken in the stream that ran behind their house.

This stream is the local toilet, bathing area, and garbage dump for the squatters that live along side it. When my wife commented about this, the SIL stated that she had gotten the chicken quite clean as SHE HAD WASHED IT OUT IN THE STREAM 3 TIMES.

Perhaps the 3 strikes, you are out rule applies to germs and diseases as well as baseball. IDK.

Edited August 5, 2023 by Lee
spelling

[Freebie]

13 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Returning from Hong Kong, I brought back Stilton, Danish Blue and Roquefort cheese to leisurely enjoy over the next few weeks.  The next day it was gone from the refrigerator.  The maids thought it was moldy, rotten food and they threw it away.  Couldn't get mad because European cheese is not part of their experience.  

Had also been to HK and had bought back some excellent pork pies from a high end store in Central.

Got home and the maid had cooked the pork pies.... No, they are served cold.

[hk blues]

1 hour ago, Freebie said:

Had also been to HK and had bought back some excellent pork pies from a high end store in Central.

Got home and the maid had cooked the pork pies.... No, they are served cold.

My wife insists on cooking similar products such as Spam and even cold meats as she insists they are raw and thus need cooking.  I will admit that Spam does taste better cooked but that's not why she does it.

[hk blues]

I have numerous Helper Humour stories to tell (in addition to the one above) but I'm afraid my 'Helper' will divorce me if I share them! 

[Mike J]

Had a helper open the CR door while I was taking a leak.  We both had a good laugh.  That being said, she has worked for us about eight years and middle 50s, so no reason for either of us to be embarrassed.   I would not be surprised if she is the one to help me bath some day in the not so distant future.