Too dangerous to answer phone on bus?

[Hestecrefter]

5 hours ago, John the grizzly674 said:

As for the law then that does not seem relevant. She is definitely in her 20s. I have verification of her graduation and all her work details etc. I have seen her passport before as well.

Now there's a red flag.  Why does she have a passport?

Very unusual for a young, single, Filipina to have a passport, unless she works, or has worked, as an OFW.  Has she done that?  Or is she from a wealthy family and has taken frequent vacations abroad?

[Hestecrefter]

11 hours ago, Old55 said:

You've become online friends with this Filipina for a couple years now. You don't plan on visiting her until next year.

Frankly John I would say she has a right to live her own life as she likes. Who are you to set rules and boundary's for her to follow? It would be different if you both spent time together and started a committed relationship. 

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

[John the grizzly674]

3 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

I ended my marriage 4 years ago. It's not recent. It feels recent though due to how quick time has gone by.

[John the grizzly674]

3 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

And yeah I don't expect her to be ultra-conservative. She hasn't exactly claimed to be either but it is clear she is not the partying type. She only mentioned being virgin which is still a thing. It's not unheard of for Pinoy woman to be virgins at 25. Yes, it's getting less common. I do think she is truthful about this too based on the convos we have had around such topics. Yes, she could be leading me on but there is no point hyper-analyzing any of this at this point. Being in detective mode constantly will only push her away.

Edited August 6, 2023 by John the grizzly674

[John the grizzly674]

3 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

Yes, I have been 100 percent faithful to her. I have turned down any advances that I have had from woman.

I have always been this way. It's just tjr type of person I am. Loyalty is important to me.

[John the grizzly674]

4 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

People can say it is not a real relationship. That is fine.

 

It doesn't exactly change the fact that we have developed a connection and plan to meet.

If it is 99.99 percent fake now and not real then i guess it will become 99.99 percent real the moment I get off the plane. It will then be a matter of how it works out in person.

 

I don't agree with that view. Its going to the absolute extreme. The other extreme that is is 100 percent real is also wrong. The issue is a lot more nuanced. Saying all online relationships without any exception are not real is an oversimplification of the issue in my opinion.

[John the grizzly674]

Also if it is not real then those people should be fine with their girl friends having online relationships. 

 

They can't accuse them of cheating because "it's not real". It's just pixels and sound bites....

[John the grizzly674]

4 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

I have made it clear to her that if everything works that she can live with me here immediately following our trip. I will be compiling any documentation that may be required later when I travel so if we do plan on that then the visa process will be smooth. 

 

Spending longer than 3 weeks is not required for immigration. There is a work aroijd in that regard.

She also had an incident when she was younger where she was spied on by an old man. This made it hard for her to trust men and it took a lot longer for her to fully trust me. This also explains the long time. Again, we did not plan this the time just went by fast.

She also works a lot so has little time for socialization. She arrives home at around 8 her time due to the long bus trip. There is then only a couple of hours left in her day after that.

Her job also does not pay enough. If she wanted better work opportunities as well then I would not blame her in the least. That doesn't mean it's her only intention. I would be insecure to think that. My previous wife was also very attractive so I do not suspect that she just wants a green card. I'm not a old man with a pot gut. I am healthy and attend the gym. 

 

If she does want to live here then that is fine. I don't see a problem with that. I have said I may move to Gulf countries for work at some stage too and she is fine with that as well.

 

Edited August 6, 2023 by John the grizzly674

[John the grizzly674]

5 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

Now there's a red flag.  Why does she have a passport?

Very unusual for a young, single, Filipina to have a passport, unless she works, or has worked, as an OFW.  Has she done that?  Or is she from a wealthy family and has taken frequent vacations abroad?

She recently got a passport. I don't recall the reason. I will ask but it's going to have to be brought up carefully so it doesn't look like I am in detective mode.

 

There is no way she has traveled in the past year. We video chat too often. But I do wonder if she plans to work abroad as did mention that vaguely in the past. Come to think about it she may have something planned as back up.

This is why I posted here because I realize I may be overlooking things and missing red flags. Everyone does this when they are attached to somebody. Some things slip our radar. Passport may also be needed for her job at some stage. She markets hospital equipment so in that sense it's wouldn't exactly be that surprising that she may have some trip at some stage for work purposes.

 

No her family are not rich. Only her and her sister regularly work. She has not worked overseas at this point

Edited August 6, 2023 by John the grizzly674

[John the grizzly674]

4 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

With the above I find myself in respectful agreement.

You mention "recently" ending an 11-year marriage, yet you also say you have been in an online relationship with this pinay for 4 years.  Those 2 statements don't mesh very well, but that's an aside.

There are many who say (including vlogger Gio in the Phils) that an online relationship is not a relationship at all if you have never met.  There is some merit to that view, but not really up to me or anyone else to dictate definitions to you.  But, I agree with Old55's underlying thesis.  What really, have you committed to her?  You could ghost her (or vice versa) tomorrow.  That happens all the time.  There are many tales on YouTube and elsewhere about foreigners meeting a pinay online, chatting for years, the guy promising to visit, but it never happens.  

In my assessment, it's unwise for the girl to put all her eggs in one basket when time stretches out.  4 years is a stretch.  After all, what has she got?  Positive noises from you that have led to nothing tangible.  If I were her, I'd keep my line in the water and keep fishing until I hook one that I can land in the boat.  I can only imagine the regret if she was a good girl, who pinned her hopes on you for years, then nothing. 

And, may I be so bold to ask, in the past 4 years, have you remained true and celibate, totally dedicated to your "relationship"?  Regardless of the answer, I'll say I would not blame her for seeking male companionship in all that time.  On that score, I tend towards scepticism about the virginity claim.  Not many of these Catholic girls are as pure as the driven snow as they claim.  Just take a look around at the number of young, single moms in the RP.  

I'll add that, despite my own misgivings about whether a relationship is real in the absence of time spent together, I am aware of one couple who met online during the pandemic lockdowns.  Travel was not possible for about 2 years, so their relationship was online only for close to that.  In that time, they committed to marry (and she was a single mom to boot).  And they did it.  Married during first visit last year.  Not a course I would have followed, but suited them, apparently.  

 

I have planned for a specific date.

She may need to get a break from work though. I told her I will cover her salary for that period. It would be insane to expect her to take a break from work to spend time with me and not cover it.