Too dangerous to answer phone on bus?

[MikeB]

17 hours ago, John the grizzly674 said:

I have made it clear to her that if everything works that she can live with me here immediately following our trip.

Talk about putting the cart in front of the horse. You've never even met this person, you don't really know her or the situation. You wanted advice here it is: No matter how dire the situation is described stop sending money stat. If she's still interested plan to hook up when/if you eventually visit.

[Hestecrefter]

1 hour ago, MikeB said:

Talk about putting the cart in front of the horse. You've never even met this person, you don't really know her or the situation. You wanted advice here it is: No matter how dire the situation is described stop sending money stat. If she's still interested plan to hook up when/if you eventually visit.

Overall, I tend to agree with that; but not all do.  The advice oft heard is send money if the girl has limited resources, but just enough to facilitate communication, i.e., money for "load", for internet cafe, etc.  Not bad advice.  But, I gather, a lot of guys go along with sending money for the sick carabao, lola's medicine, roof repair, busted cellphone, etc.

The guy I know who had an online relationship for close to 2 years before meeting the girl and who married her shortly after landing sent her substantial sums, pre-arrival.  She was working in Hong Kong, sending pera back home to her parents, who were looking after her 3 kids.  She was not happy about her situation in HK (how many do like it?  I know my wife did not, although she said it was pretty good compared to working in the UAE).  Anyway, this fellow agreed that she could down tools and go home to the Phils and he would send her the same money as she had been making.  So, for many months before first visit, he was sending something like P20,000 or so per month.  

I would not have done what that man did, but I doubt very much that he would have acted differently if advised against it.  I think that applies in most cases.  Guys will do what they are going to do.  Sure, like grizzlyadams here, they will solicit opinions and focus on those that are congruent with their own thoughts and beliefs and ignore the rest.  I don't claim to be much different, so I am criticizing no one here.  

While, as I have said, I have some difficulty in seeing a long distance relationship as matching my thinking about what constitutes a true relationship, for me, it's okay to start online and for both sides to consider whether it would be worthwhile to meet in person.  I also think that should happen sooner rather than later.  Keeping the thing going online for years would not suit me since, at least for me, I need to examine the goods.  I don't mean that in some prurient sense (although, if I am honest, that will form a part of it), but I am just not sure I can make a solid evaluation (and neither can she) otherwise.  And, while it's one thing to have video chats every day for years, it's quite another to be with someone 24/7 for an extended period.  Viewing through those different lenses might reveal different characteristics.  Again, this applies to both parties.  She might not see in you all that she expected.  

Another aspect to what's expected is, almost always for the girl, what are the man's resources?  Easy to deceive online, to come across as something you are not, especially if sending money.  Easy for her to think you are solid.  That said, I have seen that pretence maintained long after first meeting.  A guy I got to know in my days of living in Los Angeles inherited about $350,000 from his dad .  He quit is low-paying job and took off to the Phils.  He was meeting women, travelling around SE Asia, having a ball.  Pissing away money with both hands.  I am sure he held himself out to those he met as a successful American businessman.  I doubt he told people that he was otherwise of modest means, but was blowing dad's money.  I doubt he told girls about that bit of reality.  In time, he married one and brought her back to U.S. on a fiancé visa.  There, as in the Phils, they lived in hotels, and successively cheaper ones.  I am sure it was several years before she found out that he had no marketable job skills, no source of income and that what he brought to the table was dad's money and it was almost gone.  I am sure she expected to go to America and live a good life, commensurate with what she had seen him affording in the Phils.  At the end of 5 years, the money was gone.  By that time they were back to living in hotels in the Phils.  He had to borrow money for a ticket home and to pay rent once he got there.  He ended up burning a lot of friends, me included.  I knew when he asked for a loan, it would mean a loan as understood in the Phils, a gift.  He is still in U.S., getting by.  Spent time living in his car.  She is in the PI.

 

 

 

[Possum]

I have followed this conversation since its beginning and the opinions are just that, opinions. Personally I cannot imagine having a  long term relationship over the internet and expecting much but I know of exceptions. To me it would like being in a relationship with someone in Mexico or Canada while residing in the USA. After a few months I think I could gather enough resources to go spend some time with this person and try to sort out wheat from chaff. But who am I to judge? As an example a fellow that worked for me  while on a long term job in Singapore met a Filipino girl that worked in Orchard Towers. Claimed he was in love with her. We all tried to dissuade him but he would not hear of it. He was drinking a lot in his off time and invited me to go with him to meet this Filipino lady. I felt sorry for him as he had never been out of the USA in his life, so I went. He was drunk when we got there and she asked him,"Why are you always drunk?" He said, "Why are you always a prostitute?" I laughed and left them. They've been married and living in the Philippines for 20 years now and at last count had 2 children.  He stopped drinking and she stopped what she was doing at the Towers. They seem to be very happy to this day in Mindanao.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Possum
mispell

[Hestecrefter]

8 hours ago, Possum said:

I have followed this conversation since its beginning and the opinions are just that, opinions. ...

Yes, that's why I said that I tend to see things a certain way, but not shared by all.  All we can do here is air our opinions and allow others to consider.  Also as I said, none of us are likely to alter the views of another.  For example, @MikeBsuggested the OP stop sending money stat.  Does anyone expect that advice to be heeded?  Will John proceed to tell his gf that she's off the chuckwagon forthwith?  She is likely to ask why.  Will saying something like "Well, mahal, some anonymous guy on the internet gave me that advice" clothe the decision with an air of legitimacy and allow it to be accepted?

 

 

[Jack Peterson]

 For me ( and I have been following this Topic from the Start) The Only way the Situation will unfold the truth and progress or finish is by Boots on the Ground, We can all add our bits and pieces BUT there is no one size fits all here IMHO Buy that ticket and see what is what 

Edited August 8, 2023 by Jack Peterson
grammar edit

[jimeve]

And if you jump on a bus don't don't answer your phone.

[Clermont]

Come on people, talking about a relationship with a juvenile 12+ , ten years different is even excepted, but put brain into gear before writing, legal age is 16 and that is only if ages are close, not 70 - 16,  don’t believe everything you hear or read.

[Old55]

Is this topic done yet? 

[John the grizzly674]

4 hours ago, Hestecrefter said:

Yes, that's why I said that I tend to see things a certain way, but not shared by all.  All we can do here is air our opinions and allow others to consider.  Also as I said, none of us are likely to alter the views of another.  For example, @MikeBsuggested the OP stop sending money stat.  Does anyone expect that advice to be heeded?  Will John proceed to tell his gf that she's off the chuckwagon forthwith?  She is likely to ask why.  Will saying something like "Well, mahal, some anonymous guy on the internet gave me that advice" clothe the decision with an air of legitimacy and allow it to be accepted?

 

 

I already don't send money. I haven't for a year now and she is fine with that.

[MikeB]

7 hours ago, John the grizzly674 said:

I already don't send money.

Yea, sorry I missed that. Over the years I've read so many variations of this topic it was a pavlovian response. Hope it works out for you.