Annoying behaviour

[Viking]

Wife got a message from a brother, asking if he could have a piece of plywood we have in our house. She said no, because we will use that ourselves.

But I have already used it he said! 

We are not in the Philippines now and another brother has a key to our house, for looking after it. We have told him over and over again that he is the only one allowed to go inside the house, when we aren't there. Still, things like this happens.

Wife got really mad! It's not about the plywood because it's not worth much, but that they take stuff BEFORE they ask for permission and also the other brother who let him in to take it, regardless of our instructions to him.

Can't say that I am surprised but I must admit that I feel very disappointed.

End of rant.

[Old55]

This violation of your trust can't be undone. Sorry to hear of it but not in the least surprised. 

[JJReyes]

I am surprised the brother asked permission to take the plywood, already taken, as an afterthought.  The extended family system operates under the concept, "What is yours is also mine." because you are relatives.  Or they would simply take something based on the assumption you wouldn't say, "No."  

Similarly, if a relative borrows something - a tool or money - don't expect to get it back.  

[Lee]

3 hours ago, JJReyes said:

I am surprised the brother asked permission to take the plywood, already taken, as an afterthought. 

My experience also.

Typically family just takes stuff and when anyone is later questioned about its disappearance nobody knows nothing.

3 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Or they would simply take something based on the assumption you wouldn't say, "No."

As is often the case with us, they take stuff because they know that we would likely not say " Yes" to them doing so.

[Snowy79]

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

[hk blues]

5 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Similarly, if a relative borrows something - a tool or money - don't expect to get it back.  

Not the case with me and my wife's family unless it's agreed upfront it's a gift.

The problem with many here is that they allow themselves to be taken advantage of.  

[stevewool]

14 hours ago, Viking said:

Wife got a message from a brother, asking if he could have a piece of plywood we have in our house. She said no, because we will use that ourselves.

But I have already used it he said! 

We are not in the Philippines now and another brother has a key to our house, for looking after it. We have told him over and over again that he is the only one allowed to go inside the house, when we aren't there. Still, things like this happens.

Wife got really mad! It's not about the plywood because it's not worth much, but that they take stuff BEFORE they ask for permission and also the other brother who let him in to take it, regardless of our instructions to him.

Can't say that I am surprised but I must admit that I feel very disappointed.

End of rant.

While the cats away the mice will play , 

[MikeyD]

12 hours ago, JJReyes said:

The extended family system operates under the concept, "What is yours is also mine." because you are relatives. 

... and because you are "rich" (compared to us) and have more things/money than we do so we deserve to have it and you owe it to us ... (ok, I went a little overboard but I still feel like that is the sentiment of a lot of people here (not all of course), no judgement from me, people here have had a whole different life experience than I have had, I really think it's just a cultural thing and try not to be offended when it happens)

 

12 hours ago, JJReyes said:

Similarly, if a relative borrows something - a tool or money - don't expect to get it back.  

I feel like the term "borrow" here means give it to me and I will not return it despite saying that I say ... a lot of the time.  Anything we "lend" we do not expect anything in return and consider it a gift.

[Lee]

51 minutes ago, MikeyD said:

and because you are "rich" (compared to us) and have more things/money than we do so we deserve to have it and you owe it to us

The term that a family member has repeatedly used to explain their line of thinking is-----we are "obligated" to do as they say and to expect nothing in return.

Not even a thank you.

[Viking]

19 hours ago, JJReyes said:

I am surprised the brother asked permission to take the plywood, already taken, as an afterthought.  The extended family system operates under the concept, "What is yours is also mine." because you are relatives.  Or they would simply take something based on the assumption you wouldn't say, "No."  

Similarly, if a relative borrows something - a tool or money - don't expect to get it back.  

I am actually also a bit surprised that he said something about it. Maybe it was because the other brother knew about his "theft" and he was worried that he would say something?

What makes things harder to understand is that it wasn't even he who needed this plywood, but a friend of him!

Why take the chance of making his sister (my wife) mad at him after all the help he has received from her, during many years.

I don't believe I will ever understand how these people think 🤔