Annoying behaviour

[Viking]

14 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

 

16 hours ago, Lee said:

As is often the case with us, they take stuff because they know that we would likely not say " Yes" to them doing so.

If they know they aren't allowed to take it, but still do, it's theft!

14 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

That doesn't apply to my wife. She's a very kind person, but when she gets mad at someone, it takes a very long time before she forgive them, if ever, hahaha 

[Viking]

14 hours ago, hk blues said:

The problem with many here is that they allow themselves to be taken advantage of.  

This is true. These people know they have a big chance getting away with their behaviour. I have seen it many times.

9 hours ago, stevewool said:

While the cats away the mice will play , 

True.

Unfortunately I don't have very high thoughts off my relatives, because of everything that has happened during 25+ years.

It's sad because I have also met many wonderful people in the Philippines. I actually feel sorry for my wife too, since she's a very kind person who doesn't deserve to be treated this way, especially not by her own family!

[Viking]

7 hours ago, MikeyD said:

... and because you are "rich" (compared to us) and have more things/money than we do so we deserve to have it and you owe it to us ... (ok, I went a little overboard but I still feel like that is the sentiment of a lot of people here (not all of course), no judgement from me, people here have had a whole different life experience than I have had, I really think it's just a cultural thing and try not to be offended when it happens)

 

I feel like the term "borrow" here means give it to me and I will not return it despite saying that I say ... a lot of the time.  Anything we "lend" we do not expect anything in return and consider it a gift.

I don't think you went overboard, I have the same feeling as you.

Borrow often means that it won't be returned but not always. I borrowed a niece 50k and she actually repaid it all within the agreed time 👍

6 hours ago, Lee said:

The term that a family member has repeatedly used to explain their line of thinking is-----we are "obligated" to do as they say and to expect nothing in return.

Not even a thank you.

To that I say, ang pera ko ay pera ko, hindi sa yo! My money is my money, not yours.

It's a really weird way of thinking many people have here. I wonder if they would think the same way if they were the ones who would always provide for others instead of being the receiver?

The habit of not saying thanks is also really annoying to me. One person I helped once said thanks God, but he never said thanks to me, hahaha 

[Old55]

47 minutes ago, Viking said:

The habit of not saying thanks is also really annoying to me. One person I helped once said thanks God, but he never said thanks to me, hahaha 

"Thanks God". God will provide while ignoring the "giver".

Filipino pride unwilling to acknowledge someone helped them or unwilling to be indebted to return a favor? It would be interesting to understand the underlaying cultural norms at play here.

[Lee]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

I actually feel sorry for my wife too, since she's a very kind person who doesn't deserve to be treated this way, especially not by her own family!

You have certainly described my wife's situation to a T.

[stevewool]

1 hour ago, Lee said:

You have certainly described my wife's situation to a T.

I think Viking has described many of our wives or partners in what he has said .

No matter how the family treats Emma she still excepts them , on the other hand I don’t have too

[Mike J]

22 hours ago, JJReyes said:

I am surprised the brother asked permission to take the plywood, already taken, as an afterthought.  The extended family system operates under the concept, "What is yours is also mine." because you are relatives.  Or they would simply take something based on the assumption you wouldn't say, "No."  

Similarly, if a relative borrows something - a tool or money - don't expect to get it back.  

I think that explains where my good set of wrenches went.  And I better check on my golf clubs.  None of the family plays but they might be valuable. 

[Mike J]

4 minutes ago, stevewool said:

No matter how the family treats Emma she still excepts them , on the other hand I don’t have too

My wife pushes back at the family.  And when she does she will say "Michael has taken care of Papa and Momma for 10 years and never once complained.  What have you done except complain and ask to be paid if you ever help".  My wife is small buy fierce.  Getting her mad is like trying to face down a wounded badger.  

[Lee]

13 minutes ago, Mike J said:

And when she does she will say "Michael has taken care of Papa and Momma for 10 years and never once complained. 

Reminding family members of what happened in the past doesn't work in my wifes family.

Anything that happened over 10 minutes ago is relegated to the "family history" bin and is not to be spoken of again.

[Mike J]

Just now, Lee said:

Reminding family members of what happened in the past doesn't work in my wifes family.

Anything that happened over 10 minutes ago is relegated to the "family history" bin and is not to be spoken of again.

Some of my extended Filipino family seem to have that same "selective hearing" or "memory lapse" issue.